Learning to Love: Rewritten
by Fantasy Fan 223
Summary: Bill Cipher's defeat was only the beginning of a new story. Given mercy by the Axolotl, he is reincarnated into the past as the elder brother of Dipper and Mabel Pines for a chance at a new life; a life of love and happiness. "Thanks, Axolotl! NOT!" [Rewrite of 2016's Learning to Love]
1. Chapter 1: I Don't want to Die

**AN: HEY! GUESS WHAT TODAY IS! It's the 2** **nd** **LtL anniversary! Remember I promised you guys a rewrite earlier this year? Well here it is!**

 **To my new readers, thankyou for giving my story the light of day, I'm glad the summary intrigued you!**

 **To my returning readers, welcome back, don't worry the plot of this story will NOT mirror the original—kind of ruins the point of a rewrite if I did that!**

 **I have the whole story planned out this time! Beginning to Multiple Ends (Yes! I'm doing that again, you guys seemed to like it last time)! So, don't worry, my story won't go back to What the Hell Just Happened-Ville like the original.**

 **While writing this chapter I had a lot of fun, the moment you've been waiting for folks, chapter one!**

 **(Also, is it me, or Learning to Love: Rewritten sound so epic?!)**

* * *

 **Chapter One: I Don't Want to Die**

* * *

Bill hadn't let himself feel panic in a long time. And it was not just mild worry or surprise that he was feeling at the moment. No, it was not even simple fear, it was most certainly panic. Pure, raw, unfiltered _panic._

The flames from within the memory came closer and closer and the failed use of his powers making him feel small and helpless.

 _I don't want to die!_ He screamed in his mind. _I DON'T WANT TO DIE!_

It was sad, really. Here he was, a trillion-year-old demon with powers and knowledge most could only dream of and this was how it could all end; being defeated by a bunch of outcast wannabe heroes that he hated beyond words could describe.

Quickly, he said the first thing that came to mind, **"A-X-O-L-O-T-L Now's my time to burn, I invoke the ancient power so that I may return!"**

It had to work he didn't want to die…he didn't want to be lost forever in the darkness.

Bill gazed at Stanley, and for a few seconds his sheer panic was overridden by absolute rage.

No, he _would_ live. He'd come back and destroy everything that atrocious waste of DNA before him held dear, he'd tear him apart both emotionally and physically.

With that thought in mind, Bill reached forward towards his enemy. _**"STANLEY!"**_ He shrieked.

Stanley said nothing, he clenched his fist and sent it flying towards him.

And with that, it was only darkness. Cold, cold, darkness…

 _It didn't work._ He thought as the coldness seeped into him leaving him filled with pure dread. It didn't work, The Axolotl didn't save him—he was dead.

…But then how was he having this train of thought?

No sooner had he asked himself that when the cold was replaced with warmth and with it hope and delight. He _was_ alive! The Axolotl heard him and helped him out!

The warmth closed in all around him and Bill's hope was quickly replaced with horror. It was too tight, too much…he didn't like this. The warmth became painfully hot and he could feel himself being squeezed from all sides.

Bill had been wrong; The Axolotl wasn't saving him, he was torturing him! Torturing him for all eternity all alone with just himself and his shattered mind.

 _ **And it was all the Pines' fault.**_

The rage returned tenfold; Bill's enraged scream coming out as baby sobs while light flooded behind his eyelids.

"Ooh! You're an angry one, aren't you, sweetie?" A voice above him chuckled before calling, "Congratulations, it's a boy!"

Bill couldn't see who had spoken, white light still blurred his vision, but he could hear and feel. He had legs, as he was kicking them vigorously in frustration, rage and confusion.

He didn't know what was happening or where he was or _what_ he was for that matter—other than the fact that he had legs and a voice.

Still screeching, he was wrapped gently in something by—whatever creature these were—as his mind went back to his utterly embarrassing defeat. The more it replayed in his head the angrier he got, he couldn't stop with the "what ifs" and the "whys" and the most annoying, the "HOW?!s".

 _What if_ He had just turned _all_ the Pines gold and kept a proper eye on them?

 _Why_ didn't he put a stronger enchantment on Mabel Land?

 _HOW_ didn't he realize he was being duped by the Stans?

"Why is he crying so much?" Another voice said. It was raspy and tired, with a hint of worry. It was so weak that Bill almost didn't hear it over his throat tearing screams.

"I don't know," the voice from before answered, rocking Bill back and forth. His arms pinwheeled and his screeches got louder. "He has no broken bones from what I can figure out, and he appears healthy."

"C'mere, I wanna hold him," the raspy sounding voice said.

Bill could feel himself moving as his eyes finally began adjusting to the light. He could now see and sense a bit more detail, the ceiling above him was white tiled and peppered with rectangular light fixtures, the room he was in smelled of a nauseating mixture of blood and cleaning products and the vague forms around him where covered in white.

There were light fixtures, meaning he must be surrounded by reasonably sophisticated beings, but he was still a bit too disoriented to tell _what_ they were—until his small form found its destination.

His crying faded as he looked up, to what he knew for a fact was a human woman. Her long brown hair was plastered to her round face with sweat and slender ice blue eyes looked down at the former demon with an expression Bill couldn't quite place.

The two stared at one another for a while before a realization hit him. If the woman was human, then that meant—

Bill let out shrieking wail once more and the woman gasped and tried hushing the child to no avail.

"Let me see him," Another voice said, this one distinctly of a man. The woman complied, passing Bill's tiny form to the male.

For a split second, Bill thought he was looking at an older version of Pine Tree, his eyes a warm brown and a tiny bit of stubble upon his chin. Not to mention the soft looking curls that adorned the top of his head like a curly halo.

Good Cipher he was reincarnated as Pine Tree's son…

But then he realized that there was no Big Dipper birthmark to be found on this man's forehead; he had no bangs and a very large forehead.

So, which messy haired meat bag was this? And why did he resemble Pine Tree so much?

A tiny smile was on the man's lips as Bill continued to shriek, he reached for the baby's face and earned a heavy smack on the wrist from the ex-demon.

"He fights like a baby dragon!" The man cried, a hint of pride in his voice as his smile broadened.

Okay, who gave that guy the right to smile after he had obviously felt some sort of pain? That was Bill's thing! Also, why the hell was he being compared to a dragon?

The man, presumably the woman's husband turned to her once more. "Wanna hold him again?"

The woman hesitated before nodding and holding out her hands to accept the screaming demon.

As he squirmed in the woman's arms, she tilted her head to the side almost curiously, a hand settling gently on top of Bill's forehead, gasping lightly when Bill dug his tiny nails into her wrist.

"Shh," she said in a quiet voice, holding Bill close and singing

Bill didn't know what she was singing, but it sounded…nice. It was a minor song, with a tad of longing in it, which was strange since the lyrics where humoristic and ridiculous.

" _I've got a damn ukulele_

 _That I really can't play_

 _It just won't work for me_

 _Although I've practiced for many days_

 _I hope I won't be playing, for far too long_

 _Because even after all this time, I still can't find a song."_

The inhuman rage he felt died down, and his sobs quieted. He felt fatigue assault his body, and slowly, slowly, his eyes closed, his last sight of the woman was of her taking deep calming breaths.

"I can do this…I can do this," she said as Bill fell into unconsciousness.

… **A-X-O-L-T-L…**

Bill opened his eyes slowly. Beneath him was something soft—presumably a mattress, and above him was the woman from before, a bright smile on her face and tired bags under her eyes. "Hey there, sleepy head," she said gently, tickling under Bill's chin.

Bill fussed, trying to move away but only succeeding in rocking side to side stupidly, eliciting the woman to laugh.

The demon did _not_ like being laughed at.

He gave an indignant whine and kicked his chubby little legs.

"You are so _cute,"_ The woman gushed.

Bill took a good look at her; she was young, about in her early twenties. She had a slender nose long brown hair with ruler straight bangs and bright slender blue eyes.

She was pretty, he thought. But still infuriating.

This point was proven even more as Bill's new— _mother_ tugged his legs back and forth like pistons and cooed at him with a grin.

"Mind if I record you?" She asked with a smile.

Bill blinked twice _'what?'_

The woman left and returned with a camera, pointing it at herself and smiling. "April 6th, 1995!" She said cheerfully.

Bill was surprised by this information. Whatever the Axolotl did to him, he was in the past, sixteen years in the past to be exact. But what was the point? What was he playing at?

"This is my baby, finally awake and so freaking adorable! Say hi, sweetie!"

 _GO AWAY!_ Bill wasn't in the mood for human trash. He attempted a growl that sounded like a whimper, shifting in his crib and blinking at the camera. _Stupid flesh suit baby form…_

"As you can see…" The woman continued, moving the camera closer to the baby's face. "He has my eyes—sorta. They're a tiny bit darker, more of a robin egg blue, not sure where he got that from. Also, not sure where he got the blonde hair from. Anyway, my boy's goanna be a hottie, I can tell…!"

As the woman prattled on, Bill's new father ran into the bedroom wearing an apron and oven mitts. "Uh…sweetie?" he said. "I, um."

There was the sound of the fire alarm, the smell of smoke and some eldritch smell reaching Bill's nostrils. His body tensed in fear as the heat gave him the memory of his last encounter with Stanley.

His fear manifested itself onto his new form, the thin eyebrows on his forehead furrowed and he began to squirm, making sounds of destress.

The woman turned her video camera to the man. "What'd I tell you about putting your concoctions of horror in the oven?" She asked in an amused voice.

"I swore it'd be good this time! It's just I was waiting for it to finish, but then my buddy called, and he was like, 'hey, Emmett! Did you finish the new Harry Potter book?! If not, I'm going to spoil you as punishment' and so I spent a good few minutes begging him not to and—well you know the rest…BUT!" Emmett held up a gloved hand. "I will get that recipe right! Or my name isn't Emmett Pines!"

There it was again, that dread.

Pines? Surely, he didn't mean…? No, no, anything but this! As if being human wasn't enough! Emmett couldn't mean _the_ Pines! The Axolotl wasn't that cruel! Maybe it wasn't them! Humans where derivative; unoriginal and bland, naming themselves after whatever thing made them go "ooh!". why wouldn't "Pines" be a common last name?

"His cooking skills are at least better than his Uncle Stan," The woman said, pointing the camera at herself again and putting Bill in the frame. "When you're old enough, sweetie. Stay away from _both_ their cooking."

"Aw, come on, Ellie!" Emmett cried in a fake whine.

Bill didn't really hear his parents, he was too busy screaming again—both externally and internally.

Ellie gasped, quickly turning her camera off and running to her son. "Aw it's okay, shh!" She rocked him in her arms as Bill screamed louder, squirming in the tight embrace.

 _WHY?! Just drop me! Drop me on my head and let me die! Let me live in the cold empty darkness because I can't stand this! WHY!? I don't deserve this horror! How could The Axolotl be so cruel?! What sadist makes someone share their DNA with their enemies?! WHY?! LET ME DIE LET ME DIE LET ME DIE LETMEDIELETMEDIE!_ _ **WHY?!**_

"What do I do?!" Ellie cried in panic.

"I don't know! Uh…uh…maybe he's hungry!" Emmett yelled back.

"The feeding blanket, quick, quick, quick!" Ellie cried as she and Emmett scrambled out of the room, the screaming Bill forced to accompany them.

 _I TAKE IT BACK AXOLOTL JUST KILL ME!_ _ **KILL ME!**_ _I CAN'T TAKE THIS I CAN'T!_

Ellie plopped down on the sofa as Emmett handed over the feeding blanket. The screeching continued as he was wrapped gently with it. Bill then felt something warm against his mouth that he instinctively latched on to with his newborn mouth and effectively stopped the screams.

 _Oh…this…this isn't bad._ Bill decided as he bit lightly on whatever he was—oh. Bill paused his sucking and made a noise of discomfort. Gosh, he couldn't do this! He had more dignity than that, he was a demon! He was Bill freaking Cipher!

"C'mon," Ellie urged gently. "You're hungry, aren't you?"

As she said that, Bill's small stomach began to feel uncomfortable. Oh yes, the joys of human necessities. The necessities that included something as truly _mortifying_ as this.

"There we go!" Ellie cheered as Bill continued his… _feeding._

He didn't like this, he didn't like this at all and he still thought death was better…but maybe there was a bright side.

This _was_ the past, Afterall. He had the ability to reshape the future, take back the crown.

Bill's melancholy mood slowly shifted as revenge plots filled his mind and he clenched his yellow feeding blanket in excitement. Oh, the endless possibilities of torment, nobody would know what hit them!

The demon's glee took the form of loud baby giggling.

"…I—he's laughing," Emmett muttered, voice laced with surprise. "Babies aren't supposed to laugh until—"

The man was cut off as Ellie screamed loudly and it took Bill a moment to figure out why. turning his head from his mother, he could see an electric blue flame—the matching color of his eyes—alive in his small infant fist.

The blue flames reminded him of his latest defeat, and once more the dread and fear came back. Bill went back to shrieking in horror.

Ellie patted Bill's fist in a panic as she tried to douse the strange flames and Emmett had ran out of the room to grab a fire extinguisher.

A second later, the flames disappeared. Ellie seized her patting and turned to her son with fear, dethatching him from her chest and placing him on the couch, away from her.

On the other hand, now that the horror of the flames had worn off Bill couldn't be happier. He still had his magic! He could leave this Axolotl forsaken body and restart his Weirdmageddon! Bill's baby form yelled with laughter while the brunette woman still staring at him looked on in with increased worry.

Quickly, the demon thought of his original form, triangular and dapper.

Nothing.

Bill's laughter faded slowly, and his utter disappointment was shown through a sad whine. Why couldn't he transform? The baby looked back at his flaming fist—pushing the queasy nervousness away, he willed the flames into existence. _It won't burn,_ he consoled himself. _The woman could touch it, it's just the flashy fire._ A second later the flames reappeared, and Ellie gasped, flinching away.

Bill then mentally commanded the flame to extinguish itself. A second later, it did. So, he had his flames, at least the fancy deal-making non-flammable ones, but shapeshifting seemed to elude him.

Lovely.

Ellie stared at him, brow furrowed. It was then that Emmett barged in, fire extinguisher in hand. "It's gone?" He asked, seeing no more flames.

"I think…I think Matthew took it out himself," Ellie murmured.

 _Matthew?_ Bill mentally demanded. _Who in Axolotl's name is…wait, is that me?_

Bill furrowed his small eyebrows in annoyance once more as Emmett approached the two of them cautiously, still warily holding the fire extinguisher. _Why Matthew? That blasted Axolotl couldn't have made them call me Bill?! Why not William, or Edward or something classy!? Why a biblical goody-goody name like Matthew?! Oh, the irony! I bet that damn lizard and Jheselbraum are laughing it up! Stupid Pines, stupid fate, stupid Axolotl, stupid EVERYTHING! # %^ !_

The demon's mental rant continued, his babyish face contorting into an angry glare. The couple exchanged a glance.

"Ellie is—is he glaring at us?"

"He's glaring at us."

"I don't get it! Babies aren't supposed to be showing such complex emotions yet!"

Both adults turned to their son, Bill glared back at both of them with all the venom he could muster. If he could burn their stupid faces off he would have; but his flames didn't work like that in this new form—at least for now.

He supposed he'd have time to regain his strength though, he had what, four years? Yes, four years before he'd get to see the Pines Twins again. All he needed to do was wait patiently and his first act of revenge could be followed though.

With that thought in mind, Bill began to feel better. The adrenaline left his body and his newborn body was tired. As he sleepily blinked his eyes, he saw tiny frowns on his parents' faces.

 _Worried? Good. You should be._ Bill thought with mirth. Baby Bill made a gurgling noise that caused his parents to jump as he slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

 **AN: And that's the end of the chapter! I want the next chapter to be posted next Friday so you won't be waiting too long! Every chapter will have an ending theme because why not?! The ending theme for this chapter is Taylor Swift's "Look what you Made me Do."**

 **Anyway, the first change I did was give Bill a fear of fire. I think it makes sense, seeing as how he was surrounded by it before being defeated and of course the whole dimension thing. The next change I did was give the Pines Parents some personality, I even have character arcs set up for them!**

 **Finally, I'm going to be drawing accompaniment pictures for this story, since I'm too broke to commission someone else to do it, I'll tell you when I'm done them!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	2. Chapter 2: Day Blank of Motherhood

**AN: Hey! I'm back! How was the first New Year's for you guys?! Mine was great! All though on Wednesday I watched "Holmes and Watson" and it was so bad that I was depressed for a half-hour…honestly, I've never face-palmed and whispered, "oh my god" under my breath more than in this movie at its "HuMoR". It's sad because the last time I went to the movies I was watching "Into the Spider-verse" which was FANTASTIC. At least I appreciate it a lot more thanks to that atrocious movie :D**

 **ANYWAY! A big thank you to skiethemuse, Ilovebooks1234, Angelwings2002, Ms. Cipher 16, PlanetOblivion, Darth Jay, ponystoriesandothers, SolSunFanfics, Ghostaloo, Straightjacketed, Fester Drummond, and THE VILLAIN for your review! Also, thank you to all who favourited and followed! I was NOT expecting so much.**

 **To those of you who have questions, I'll answer them!**

 **Straightjacketed: You can read both the original and the rewrite if you like, they're quite the interesting experiences and it'll be cool to see how the plot points will change :3**

 **THE VLLAIN: Yes, Matthew will have different powers!**

 **Now here we go, without further ado, let us read chapter two!**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Day Blank of Motherhood**

* * *

Ellie powered on the video camera, stepping back and smiling a dazzling supermodel smile.

"April 7th, 1995, day 2 of motherhood!" She took the camera and backed up towards Matthew's crib. "My baby's sleeping right now, but he'll probably wake up soon—oh, speak of the devil!"

She turned the camera away from herself, instead zooming onto her gorgeous baby.

"Hey, Matthew!"

Matthew screeched in rage and began wailing at the top if his lungs.

"Oh god—uh—!"

The power went off.

On the power went again, Ellie stepping back and smiling with another bright smile on her face.

"April 8th, 1995, day 3 of motherhood! Matthew is currently bonding with his Papa!" Ellie turned the camera to Matthew being hugged by Emmett, he was dancing around and singing along to _"Catch a Falling Star."_

Matthew seemed peaceful listening to the song, yawning cutely and eyeing everything with what could only be described as cool neutrality.

"Not my style of music, _but_ my baby boy seemed to like it too—I couldn't just say no to him!"

"Hey, El come join us!" Emmett called.

Ellie laughed and turned the camera off again.

"May 21st, 1995, day 45 of motherhood!" Ellie said, attempting to balance the camera atop the sink rim. Behind her, Matthew smacked the water and gurgled. "Okay!" She said, stepping back and turning to the bath. "Matthew's first ever bath! How you like it, sweetie?"

Matthew blinked twice before sinking into the water and blowing bubbles. "AGH! You are so cute! I'm going to _die!_ AHHH!"

Matthew looked up with wide eyes at his mother's outburst.

Ellie laughed in response and leaned against the sink, causing the camera to shift and crash to the ground.

"Oh, crud!" She yelled, as it shuts off.

"October 31st, day 208 of motherhood," Ellie whispered, hiding in the closet. "I'm here because me and Emmie just bought Matthew his Halloween Costume and I'm going to surprise him while he crawls passed the door…"

Ellie moved out of frame for a few seconds before coming back with a grin. "He fell for the trap, _fantastic._ Okay, 3…2…1…"

The woman picked up the camera and kicked open the closet door, brandishing the Winnie the Pooh costume in one hand.

"Surprise!" She cried happily as Matthew shrieked in shock, the teether that Ellie had left as bait fell out of his moth. The baby looked up at the brunette with a gaped mouth, before his blue eyes found the outfit.

"You like?" Ellie asked.

Matthew's face scrunched into a rebellious scowl before crawling away as fast as possible.

"Matthew, YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE CUTENESS!" Ellie yelled, the camera bobbing as she ran after her son. As the shrieking child rounded a corner, Ellie stopped and put the camera back on herself. "I'm going to catch him now, bye!" The camera went off.

When the camera went on this time, there was a party behind the smiling face of Ellie. "December 25th, 1995, day 263 of motherhood!"

As she went around directing the camera at random guests, Bill sat under the Christmas Tree with a Christmas ornament in his hands and a Santa hat on his head. He hadn't realized the Pines family was this immense, he had counted five cousins three aunts two uncles and apparently there were more to come

 _I wonder,_ Bill thought, slowly licking the ornament—figuring out it wasn't made out of gingerbread. _Will Stanley show up?_ Bill didn't think it'd matter either way. His flames where only flashy—granted he hadn't attempted to light his fist up—due to his obnoxious paranoia—since his day of birth, but it was _probably_ still not lethal.

Behind him, the tree rustled and in popped the face of a brunette, Emmett's niece and Bill's cousin, ten-year-old Angelina.

She was not an angel.

"I found him!" She squealed happily. Bill cried out in revulsion, tossing the ornament at her dumb face and crawling away as fast he possible.

Angelina crawled after him and Bill picked up the speed, but his miniscule body wasn't very swift.

 _No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO,_ _ **NO, NO, NO, NO, NONONONONNONONO!**_

"I got you!" She yelled, grabbing Bill's abdominal and hoisting him up, knocking over the tree in the process. There were a series of yelps as people jumped out of the way of the falling green mountain.

Bill screeched in horror, trying to squirm out of his cousin's grip to no avail.

"Angelina!" A voice cried. Bill was filled with relief as Ellie quickly placed her camera on the nearby coffee table and took him away from the sadistic little child.

"I'm sorry, dear. He's very picky on who he lets carry him," Ellie said, rocking Bill gently. The demon buried his chubby face in the soft fabric of Ellie's thin shirt, inhaling the rose scented perfume she wore. Behind him, a vigorously apologizing Emmett picked up the fallen tree.

"Aww," Angelina said sadly, slumping her shoulders and pouting. Bill turned his face and blew Devilina a raspberry. The baby had just added her on his People I Hate with a Burning Passion list, right underneath Mabel Pines.

"You okay, Sweetie?" Ellie whispered, kissing Bill on the cheek. The demon cringed and pulled his face away from the woman's mouth with an angry wail.

"No kisses? Honey you have to get used to it!" Ellie grinned down at him. Bill pressed his small palms against the brunette's chest to allow him to glare up at her. _Why should I?_ He demanded in his head.

Ellie smiled and tapped Bill on the nose. "You're going to be Prom King when you're old enough," she said. "And ladies will be fighting to claim your lips—so you can't hate it, m'kay?"

Bill rolled his eyes and pressed his face back in Ellie's chest, feeling the sound of her amused laughter reverberate. Another damp kiss was planted to his head of blonde hair and Bill shuddered in discomfort.

 _Patience._ He told himself mentally. _This will all be worth it once I can get to the Pines Twins…_

The doorbell rang then, and Ellie let out a little, "ooh!" as she walked briskly to the door. Bill rose his head curiously. Hopefully whatever relative showed up, they'd be less infuriating than Devilina.

The energetic woman flung open the door with a grin. "You came…!" her voice trailed off as she saw the person before them covered in the nighttime shadows. Bill wasn't able to see who it was, but he could practically hear Ellie's heart sinking in disappointment, even before he looked up and saw her grin become forced.

Beside her, Emmett strode forward in a hideous red and green reindeer sweater with flashing lights on it, a real grin adoring his face. "Uncle Stan!" He exclaimed happily.

Bill's eyes dilated, and his head swiveled back around to face the figure has the man walked into the orange glow of the household, a large grin on his face. "Emmett, Ellie! Good to see yeah!"

Bill's vision flickered, the flames. Stan mocking him, heat…

Suddenly, the warmth of the house caused by the merrily cooking in the kitchen became _too_ warm and claustrophobic and, and—

Stan crouched in front of the quivering form of Bill clinging to his mother, grin still in place as he held out his hand. "So, you're the man of the hour? Nice to meet you, Matthew Pines!"

The demon locked eyes with the elder man before him, memories of his defeat getting louder and hotter and—more real…

The baby shrieked loudly, causing Stan to step back in surprise and Ellie to hold the demon close in comfort.

 _Make him go away, make him go away, make him go away!_

"Sorry, Stan; Matthew doesn't take well to strangers," Bill heard Ellie say through his panicked screams.

"No worries!" Stan said jovially. "I'm sure we'll be best friends soon!"

Bill's fear was momentarily replaced with rage and annoyance. Friends? _Friends?_ After what he did?! The baby turned around, his blue eyes watery and angry as he gave the most enraged glare he could muster.

Stan paused, his smile lowering as the two stared at each other. Curiously, Stan's brown eyes became blank, staring into nothingness.

"U-Uncle Stan?" Emmett asked, glancing at his wife for some sort of explanation.

Bill was also confused, looking away from Stan and up at his mother who looked equally worried. The demon tugged at the brunette's shirt and made a noise to get her attention.

Ellie looked down at him and smiled, rubbing his strands of blonde hair.

"Stan?" She asked, looking back up, waving a hand over his face.

 _What in Axolotl's name is going on here?!_ Bill mentally demanded when Stan made no indication that he could hear anyone.

"Will someone close the goddamn door!?" A voice snapped from the party.

Stan was snapped out of his strange trance, shaking his head vigorously and blinking in confusion as Emmett shut the door.

"What the heck has gotten into you?" Emmett demanded, turning back with a frown. "You look like you've been under the Imperius Curse or something!"

Stan chuckled nervously, glancing at Bill before looking away. "I—I dunno its kind of felt like…" the old man trailed off and moved to remove his coat with another light chuckle. "Forget about it, it's nothin'."

Emmett blinked twice in confusion and Bill was right along with him. What exactly had gone down?

"Anyway, got any pudding? I've been craving it all year but it's too expensive to buy."

"Uh—wha—yeah!" Emmett muttered awkwardly. "You…you're sure you're alright?"

Stan grinned and patted his nephew on the shoulder. "'Course! Now, pudding. Don't think you're going to distract me!"

As the two men walked towards the kitchen Ellie tilted her head to the side and sighed. "I wonder if his age is catching up to him—I've been telling Emmie he's too old to live alone."

Bill shuddered. Stanley living here? No, no, no, no. The baby growled and tightened his grip on Ellie's shirt. The woman chuckled. "You two really don't get along, do you?"

At that moment, her back pocket vibrated. Ellie made a noise in surprise before slipping her cellphone from her caprice pocket. She squinted at the screen before her blue eyes widened. The moment of shock was slowly replaced with an angry scowl.

"Emmett!" Ellie called.

The man poked his head out of the kitchen. "El? What's up?" He asked as his wife placed Bill in his arms.

"I'll be right back." She smiled lightly. "Don't go watching any of the movies without me, m'kay?" Ellie kissed Emmett on the lips, Bill on the forehead, and walked out of the room, pressing the call button.

"Why are you calling me?!" Bill heard her yell as she stormed up the stairs. He had never known the cheerful woman to be so angry—and judging by the worried look on Emmett's face, neither had he.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

This was annoying.

Honestly, Bill had been looking very forward to a good night's sleep, but instead at 10:00 p.m. on a Sunday night he was sitting in a wide lukewarm field that stank of hotdogs and cigarettes and shivering in the light drizzle—unable to sleep due to the obnoxious chatter of the many, many humans around him and his parents.

From within his stroller and the bundles of blankets he was draped in, Bill saw Ellie switch on her beloved camcorder and point it at herself. Emmett had his arm wrapped around her waist and the couple swayed side to side like drunk idiots.

"December 31, 1995 Day—"

"Technically night," Emmett cut her off.

Ellie hit him with her hip teasingly. "Shut up, Show-Off!"

"It's a correction, honey. People who can't take correction become narcissists!"

The brunette rolled her eyes with a smirk and concentrated back on the camera. _"Day_ 268 of motherhood! We're having our annual new year's celebration, _but_ this time we're including our new bundle of joy!"

Ellie crouched next to Bill's stroller and kept the two of them in frame. "What's your new year resolution, Mattie Bear?"

Bill furrowed his brow. He was a baby! How was he supposed to make a resolution? Would it make sense for him to hope they _never_ did this again? He hated the fact that they were going to be here 'till midnight. Good Cipher.

The demon huffed and rolled in his blanket's, covering his face from the drizzle. _First, Christmas with the maddening relatives, and_ _ **now**_ _New Year's with the park and the rain and the_ _ **COMEPLETE WASTE OF TIME.**_ _I_ _ **hate**_ _humans' traditions!_

Bill didn't know how long he'd been hiding himself when he heard a _pop,_ and a _crackle._

Curious, the demon peeked his face out of the blankets to see colors light up the sky. Pink, blue, red, purple. Exploding in a cascade of multicolored raindrops that peppered the sky with stunning light.

The baby's eyes widened as he sat up in his stroller, staring in awe at the delightful spectacle before him.

"You like them?" Ellie asked in a soft voice. Bill had just noticed that his parents where in front of him, mere silhouettes against the colorful sky. The brunette's head was turned to him and she was smiling. "I love them too."

The lights began taking shape, a red flower, a green star—and so on and so forth.

"I like to pretend that fireworks are spells sent up by simultaneously celebrating wizards rather then fuses and gun powder," Emmett said wistfully.

Bill tensed. _Fire_ works?

The next one that shot up exploded was an electric blue crown. Then it separated, falling from the sky like glitter.

" _Let me out of here! LET. ME_ _ **OUT!"**_

Bill screeched as memories came flooding back. The Pines' smiles faded into worried frowns as they ran forward and tried to shush him. Many people looked their way, some pitying some annoyed.

"Okay, ladies and gents! Let us welcome 1996!" A voice boomed from a microphone.

Cheers filled the air, but even that couldn't drown out Bill's screeches in the ears of his parents.

"10…9…8…7…6…!"

" _I'll give you anything! Money, fame, your own galaxy—please!"_

"5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

More fireworks than before exploded into the sky 'till everything was bathed in light.

Fiery light.

Ellie held the screeching demon close, to her chest bouncing him up and down.

"Don't cry, don't cry! Ooh, uh…" The brunette sucked in a deep breath and began singing a familiar song.

" _I've got a damn ukulele_

 _That I really can't play_

 _It just won't work for me_

 _Although I've practiced for many days_

 _I hope I won't be playing, for far too long_

 _Because even after all this time, I still can't find a song."_

The memories faded, and Bill began to calm down, eyes becoming heavy as his breathing slowed and his tears dried against his vivid red face.

"There we go, there we go!" She whispered as Bill slipped from consciousness.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

When Bill woke up, he was not in his crib.

Instead he recognized the fancy lace pillows of his parents' shared bed. Turning his head, he saw Ellie. Her brown hair was partially covering her face, but he could still see the fond gaze she stared at him with.

"Are you okay now?" She asked gently, poking Bill's cheek.

Bill glared and rolled onto his back.

"Oh, come on! I'm sorry; I won't take you out to see fireworks again. Better?"

The demon thought for a bit. He _supposed_ there was nothing wrong with that, at least the woman was taking initiative.

"Won't you forgive me, Mattie Bear?"

Bill blinked twice at the ceiling. If he had his magic, he would have disassembled Ellie's molecules for her offence. Of course, he was 80% sure that wasn't possible as of now and besides, if she died who would give birth to the Pines Twins? He couldn't give retribution for their regicide if they weren't the exact same in both personality and genetics—that wouldn't be fun _or_ satisfying. And it wasn't like he gained anything from being mad at Ellie anyway.

The demon turned around and faced his mother again with a gurgle.

The woman beamed. "Aw! Mattie!" She gushed, hugging him to her chest. "I'm so glad you're my friend again!"

 _Friend?_

Bill scoffed. Why did people keep throwing that word around willy-nilly?

Still, the demon couldn't stop the warmth and security he felt from the hug—and the word.

* * *

 **AN: The ending theme for this chapter has no lyrics: It's called "Gift of Life" by Michael Mass—gorgeous soundtrack!**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoyed, bye!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	3. Chapter 3: Birthdays

**AN: WOW! What a week! That is to say nothing particularly special (or horrible) happened this time around, but I do have an announcement to make: I'm going on vacation for the next two weeks, so this story will be on a mini hiatus—I know I just started up but family first, you know?**

 **On a higher note I have two fanfictions in the works! One is a MaBill, one is another attempt at an OC X Bill story—oh yeah, I'm writing it AGAIN and I will NEVER delete it.** **EVER!**

 **The twins will appear in this chapter so…REJOICE!**

 **Also, thank you to Darth Jay, Miss Mystery, NeonArt1, Fester Drummond, HypoCritic, ponystoriesandothers, skiethemuse, Lunapok, Angelwings2002, Zanther, and Straightjacketed for your reviews!**

 **Lastly, a lot more of you had questions this time around which I will have the pleasure of answering!**

 **Darth Jay: Dipper's narration comes from the future like in the show, so his future self already knows that his brother is Bill; in the actual story nobody refers to Matthew as Bill except for Matthew himself in the first few chapters and Ford in the last chapter of his return mini arc. The flames—plot hole, ha, ha! Thanks for pointing it out though; now I can fix it!**

 **Miss Mystery: PRETTY different. There will no doubt be returning plot points from the original story but for the most part, the arcs for all the characters—canon and not—and personalities for the few OCs I bring back are going to be quite different from Learning to Love 2016!**

 **Fester Drummond: Good question! Seeing as how plot points will actually have a conclusion this time around and Bill's childhood arc will go on for more than the three chapters of the original: I see this story being longer, but again, who knows? (Also, I had NO IDEA who Will Ferrell was…now I know why…)**

 **HypoCritic: Yes, there will be lots of insane Matthew to go around—his emotional turmoil will be more prominent this time around :3**

 **Now that's all, enough of me! Hope you enjoy chapter three!**

 **Chapter Three: Birthdays**

"April 5th, 1996! Day 365—66—hey Emmie! Did I start counting on the day of Matthew's birth?" Ellie asked, pointing the camera at her gorgeous son and geeky husband, who sat at the table in front of the birthday cake.

It was a small yellow trimmed vanilla cake the lovely Ellie had picked up. The candle had a plastic bulb "flame" instead of a real one—Matthew had had a break down when he saw the real fire from her match.

"It was the morning after," Emmett said, adjusting the party hat on his son's head. Matthew was eyeing the cake curiously in his highchair and Ellie thought it was the cutest thing ever.

"Okay, So I guess day 365 then—wait was last year a leap year?"

"Nope!" Emmet said, setting down paper plated with Harry Potter wands scattered all over it. "There's 366 days in a year."

"Ah! Right, that makes sense. Okay, singing starts…now!" The brunette placed the camera on the table and crouched next to her son and husband as they both sang.

" _Happy Birthday to you_

 _Happy Birthday to you_

 _Happy Birthday dear Matthew_

 _Happy Birthday to you!"_

"Wow! It even rhymes!" Emmett exclaimed happily.

"Told yeah we picked a good name!"

Bill rolled his eyes at that. What was so intriguing about a name that rhymed with a song? Honestly.

Still, even his parents' air-headedness couldn't distract from the lovely smelling pastry before him. He had never tasted anything remotely sweet since the Christmas gingerbread of the year prior. Emmett had panicked that it was bad for baby digestive systems and so he had been banned from ever having anything like it for the past four months. Good riddance; gingerbread was gross.

But this—this smelled nice.

"Now for the moment of truth, smash the cake, kiddo!" Emmett cheered. Bill's mood picked up even more. He got to smash it? Well!

"WAIT!" Ellie yelled causing both males to jump. She ran out of the dining room in a hurry, running back in with a xylophone hammer.

"Uh…what?" Emmett asked in bewilderment, eyeing the object in bewilderment. Bill silently agreed with the verbal, nonsensical sound confusion.

"Well, it's not a real flame it's a bulb; Matthew can't blow it out. So instead…" She handed the hammer to Bill an he grasped the wooden handle in his tiny fist, curious as to where Ellie was going with this.

"…he's going to break the bulb with this hammer while making a wish!"

He got to break something else? _And_ make a wish! AHA! At last! A human tradition that was beautiful!

Emmett did not share the enthusiasm of his wife and son. "Are you sure that's safe? What if—?"

Bill swung the hammer at the bulb. It didn't make the shattering glass noise he was hoping for—instead the cheep plastic bent and crunched under the weight. So, the demon improvised, smashing the candle repeatedly on the edge of the table while making his wish.

 _I wish Pine Tree would be kidnapped and emotionally and physically get tortured by beings from another dimension; he DOES wanna be just like Sixer after all!_

 _SMASH._ The plastic casing fell off and Ellie cheered.

 _I wish Shooting Star would be forced into an abusive relationship—that'd give the naïve deluded brat a wakeup call from reality!_

 _SMASH._ The candle base began to crack.

 _I wish Sixer would never be forgiven by his weak brother and would forever live knowing that it was HIM who put the whole world in jeopardy and ruined his relationship with his twin, the pompous asshole!_

 _SMASH._ The base fell off, leaving only wires and the bulb.

 _And I wish Stanley would die in a fire—feeling the exact same panic and pain that_ _I_ _felt!_

Bill threw the candle against the wall with a baby shriek, the bulb shattering and the light fizzling out. Of course, his wishes for the twins he hoped would come true in other dimensions and timelines. The twins in _this_ timeline? If Bill was having it his way they'd be dead before they could crawl.

"WOO! Go, Matthew! M'kay, _now_ you can smash the cake!" Ellie said excitedly.

Bill smashed his hands into the fluffy substance and sampled the taste. His taste buds where gleefully assaulted with sweet vanilla and soft cake.

There were plenty of things Bill could never see himself getting used to; lack of magic, walking, going to school—basically anything human related—but this was an exception. Yes, this. He could get used to _this._

The demon smashed his whole face into the cake as his parents cheered.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

Bill was testing out his brand-new sunglasses in the warm June afternoon, flicking them on and off. He was still fascinated by his eyes' sensitivity to the sun—even with sunglasses on it still hurt. Why were humans given a light and heat source that they couldn't even look at? Whoever made the sun was truly an idiot.

On the picnic blanket next to him, was a radio playing "Don't Speak" by some nebulous pop singer Bill had never heard of (though he had to begrudgingly admit the song was catchy). Next to the radio, Ellie and Emmett fed each other strawberries dipped in cream and sprinkled with brown sugar.

It looked scrumptious, and Bill had been waiting all day for a way to reach forward and snatch one of those treats—now was his chance.

The one-year-old stuck his hand into the bowl and nibbled on the berry with his small teeth. The sweet taste of the sugar mixed with the natural flavor of the strawberry was as heavenly as he had hoped—not as good as cake, but close; he could eat this as a snack substitute.

He finished the one he was eating swiftly before reaching for another, unfortunately at the same time Emmett was.

"Wha—Matthew! This isn't for you!" Emmett exclaimed, trying to take the strawberry from Bill. The demon scowled and held on to it stubbornly.

"Oh, come on! Let him have some fun, Emmie!" Ellie said taking a strawberry of her own. "It won't kill him, m'kay?"

"Do you want him to have diabetes?!" Emmett exclaimed as Bill gave one last vicious tug. The one-year-old tumbled a few feet off the blanket and onto the green field beneath it, quickly popping the strawberry into his mouth for protection.

"Mine!" Bill exclaimed with a full mouth as he began to chew.

"Matthew! Come on, bud I'm just trying to—"

"OHMYSGOSH!" Ellie shrieked bouncing to her feet and squealing.

"Uh…what?" Emmett muttered.

"HE SAID A WORD!" She yelled. "He said 'mine' Ohmygosh! That was my first word too! OH, MATTHEW!"

The brunette began digging into the basket, retrieving her camcorder and switching it on feverishly.

"June 7, 1996—ah—oh! Day 428 of motherhood! Matthew _just_ said his first word!" The woman ran to her fallen son and put him in frame. "Say it again, Mattie Bear! OOH say it again!"

Bill's eyes widened. Had he _finally_ regained control of his vocal pipes?! FINALLY, it was about time!

"Mine," he repeated, swallowing the strawberry.

Ellie squealed again as Emmett ruffled Bill's hair. "Good job buddy! I knew you'd speak before you walked!" He turned to his wife with a smug grin. "Five bucks."

"Aw, man! I thought you'd forget!" Ellie said with a sigh, though her happiness was still evident. "At home, m'kay?"

Well, after this little accomplishment, Bill felt he deserved a reward. He crawled towards the picnic basket and ate another strawberry. This time, Emmett didn't stop him and only smiled brightly.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

A year later found Bill staggering into the living room on legs that had finally gotten strong enough to carry him.

It was the beginning of December and he was truly dreading the holidays that were to come, unfortunately there was just nothing he could do about that—yet.

After the twentieth step, Bill stumbled and fell behind the couch. Gosh, walking was hard; he wished he could float again. Apparently he had learned to walk far, far, slower than the average baby and his parents had worried that his legs would always be too weak. He blamed it on his lack of walking in his original form.

The demon turned as Ellie walked in with a troubled look on her face. Staring at her flip phone she inhaled slowly, clicking in a number.

Bill watched her cross her fingers and bite her bottom lip, only for her face to crumple in disappointment seconds later.

"Who was that?" Bill asked in his annoyingly pip squeaked voice, causing the woman to jump.

"Oh! Mattie Bear! I-it was nothing." She sighed and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before crouching in front of him and forcing a smile. "Want some cream strawberries?"

Bill lit up as the woman picked him and kissed the top of his head like she usually did. The demon cringed at the unnecessary show of affection as he was carried to the kitchen. She muttered a familiar song underneath her breath as she walked.

" _I've got a damn ukulele_

 _That I really can't play_

 _It just won't work for me_

 _Although I've practiced for many days_

 _I hope I won't be playing, for far too long_

 _Because even after all this time, I still can't find a song."_

The three-year-old wondered why she sang it so much.

"Oh! Matthew! I forgot to tell you the big news!" Ellie said, placing Bill in a chair the demon squinted at his mother, finding the sudden shift of mood to be jarring.

She took his tiny hand and placed it on her stomach. "You're gonna be a big brother!"

For a second Bill was confused, but then the realization hit him.

The Pines Twins.

"Yes! At last, at long, long, last!" Bill exclaimed, and Ellie cheered along with him.

 _Aha! This'll be fun!_

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

"No," Matthew said.

"Buddy—"

"NO! NEVER! NOOOOO!"

Emmett sighed as he dragged an angrily yelling four-year-old to the cheerful pastel colored door to his assigned daycare. Gosh, why in the wizarding world couldn't Ellie have done this? This kid was _impossible._

"NOOOO!"

"Jesus Christ, buddy! It's just daycare!" Emmett exclaimed, annoyed at his lack of progress due to the way Matthew dragged his heels into the pavement. With a huff, he pulled the child into his arms with a single sharp tug and carried him kicking and screaming to the daycare door.

"Don't do this to me!" Matthew wailed. "I _hate_ kids!"

"Buddy, _you're_ a kid, in case you didn't notice," Emmett said before nodding a thanks to a sympathetic looking mother who opened the door for him.

"I'm not like _the other_ kids! _They_ are loud, uncivilized, and lack BASIC COMMON SENSE! If you put me there I'll lose ninety-five percent of my braincells and become idiotic like them!" Matthew yelled, angrily clenching his fists as Emmett snickered.

It still amused him that his four-year-old son was using vocabulary like that—his theory that the kid was secretly a wizard had not been ruled out yet.

"You'll have fun, buddy, I promise! We'll pick you up in a few hours, okay?" Emmett said, placing his son on the ground and patting his head.

Matthew crossed his arms and turned his back to him.

"Hello there! I'm Lillian." A female voice said kindly. Looking up from his crouched position, Emmett could see a smiling woman with circular glasses and raven black hair piled up into a bun.

"Ah, hey! I'd just like to drop off this little bundle of screams and misery; my son Matthew." Emmett chuckled as Matthew gave him a venomous glare.

"Of course! Right this way, dear," The woman placed a hand on Matthew's shoulder to guide him away, but the boy shrugged it off. "I didn't give you verbal consent, pedophile!" he barked before running away into the playroom.

The woman burst into laughter. "What a charming young man!"

"A charming young man who forgot his lunch," Emmett muttered holding up the Harry Potter lunch box. "Hey, do you mind…"

"Of course!" Lillian said, taking the object from the man. "Have a lovely day!"

Emmett smiled and nodded before exiting, glancing back once at the place his son was with a sigh. He'd be fine.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

Bill sat sulkily in the corner of the playroom, not interacting with anyone or anything. The children didn't go near him either as if sensing the foul atmosphere oozing out of him.

 _Perhaps little kids have common sense after all._ Bill mused as he took in his surroundings. It was the stereotypical children room; paper dinosaurs taped to the windows and stars hanging from the ceiling filled with a plethora of pot lights—most of them flickering and about ready to go out.

The toys where laughably stupid. Plastic slides that hardly slid anyone down seeing as how any child who went on had to scooch their butts on it to get down before awkwardly tumbling to the carpeted floor. There were balls that didn't bounce, plastic food that had seen better days and jump ropes too long for any of them.

It was clear this place was running on a tight budget; which was why it baffled Bill even more why his parents had brought him _here_ of all places—he was a _king_.

The demon scowled and kicked a bounce-less ball away from him, smiling with mirth as it hit an unsuspecting kid in the face and knocked him over.

"Okay, kids!" Lillian said happily. From another room which appeared to be a kitchen. "It's snack time!"

Bill screamed as he was thrown to the ground by dozens of stampeding children. "SAVAGES!" He yelled, shaking a fist. "ALL OF YOU!"

A few poked their heads curiously at him as he stomped into the eating area and selected a seat that was far away from the others. Lillian handed him his lunchbox and Bill opened it up, smiling at the contents.

He had never eaten pizza—according to Emmett it was bad for his small digestive system—but he had always wanted to ever since Ellie had brought it home a month ago in April to celebrate some new job she was getting (Although why she was deciding to do this while pregnant, was besides Bill).

Now, it seemed his minuscule wish would become a reality.

Before he could take a bite, however, someone tapped him on the shoulder. Turning, Bill saw a boy with curly blonde hair who pointed and asked, "What's that over there?"

The demon laughed in his face. "You think I'm going to fall for the oldest trick in the—!" The boy snatched the pizza and ran away.

"HEY!" Bill exclaimed angrily, jumping from his seat to run after the thief. He staggered and crashed to his knees after a few steps. _Stupid human legs!_ Bill mentally growled before struggling back to his feet and resuming the chase.

The thief ran into the playroom and climbed up one of the plastic slides and scooted down. With a growl, Bill slid down on his stomach instead and tackled him to the ground.

"Boys!" Lillian cried running into the room trailed by a couple of curious children.

"Give. Me. My. Food." Bill stuck his hound out and glared at the boy underneath him. "Now."

The boy stared up at Bill for a few seconds and glanced back at the pizza.

"Atticus, it's not nice to steal," Lillian said gently. "Give Matthew back his pizza, please?"

The boy named Atticus paused once more before taking a big bite of the pizza slice.

Bill gritted his teeth as he felt fire burning in his stomach, becoming adrenaline that shook his muscles. Without really thinking, he lunged forward and bit the side of Atticus's cheek. He relished in the sensation of soft skin, metallic blood and the sounds of the boy screaming in pain.

The demon felt much better.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

"I'm sure Matthew didn't mean it!" Emmett said to Lillian and the glowering mother of Atticus. "He's different than most kids—he does things—!"

"I meant it," Bill said casually.

"Your child is an animal!" Atticus's mother cried in a rage, holding the still sobbing boy to his chest as he drank from a baby bottle. What a looser.

"No, he's not," Ellie said tightly beside Emmett and Matthew, arms crossed over her now voluptuous stomach. _"Your_ son stole _my_ little Mattie Bear's snack! He objectively deserved that bite!"

Bill looked up at Ellie in surprise, feeling a new wave of respect for the woman. He wondered if this anger was spurred on by pregnancy hormones.

"You don't fight a rock thrower with a gun!" Atticus's mother snapped.

"You don't throw rocks in the first place!" Ellie barked back. "'Like for like' is a bullshit excuse made by people like you! You start a fight, you accept the consequences!"

"Ladies, ladies!" Lilian said, standing between them. "Calm down. Look, both boys are in the wrong. Now, Matthew, how about you apologize—"

"No," Bill said automatically.

Lillian frowned. "Well…why not?"

"Because I'm not sorry," Bill shrugged before turning to his mother. "Can we leave now?"

"Yes," Ellie said automatically, scooping Bill up in her arms and scowling at both Lillian and Atticus's mother. "And we're not coming back, m'kay? Your little brat can steal someone else's food."

"Wait a minute, Ellie—!" Emmett tried as the brunette walked out with Bill attached to her chest. He looked back at Atticus and winked at him.

The boy glowered back as they exited the building and Emmet ran after them.

"Ellie! Come on, what you said wasn't _right!"_

"Yes, it was," Ellie said simply, rubbing the back of Bill's head tenderly. "Let's go to a pizzeria Mattie Bear, m'kay?"

"Ellie, are you listening to me?!"

"No, I'm not," the woman responded.

Bill sighed in content. He really was starting to like this woman.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

Stan wished to be anywhere but the place he was sitting at this very moment. On the couch. Right beside Matthew. Who was writing something in a notebook.

He hoped that darn baby would be born soon, then he could get the heck out.

Beside him, his brother Sherman had an ever-present excited smile on his face. "Do you think it will be a girl or a boy, Stanford?"

Stan shrugged awkwardly. "Dunno."

"It's both," Matthew said looking up from his notebook with an eerie grin, causing Stan to flinch. "They're twins, and they're both going to die a painful death!"

Stan had no words as Matthew leaned over to talk to his grandfather. "Do you know if there's any guns in the house?"

"Uh—I—er," Shermie muttered, glancing at his grandson nervously.

Matthew shrugged. "I suppose not," he said turning back to his notebook and crossing off a sentence that Stan could see said, "Death by bullet."

"Uh…say, kid."

"Uh-huh?"

"Are you actually going to kill your sibling?"

"Yes," Matthew said simply.

Before anything else could be said, the door opened, and a flushed but excited looking Ellie walked in with Emmett in tow.

"Dad, uncle, you're not going to believe this!" Emmett cried. "We got twins!"

Shermie jumped to his feet and peered into the car seat. "Well, I'll be!" He said. Stan walked over as well, inside were two tiny babies. One asleep, the other blinking sleepily.

"Huh…" Stan smiled tightly. "Twins."

"I wanna see!" Matthew exclaimed, rising on his toes.

Ellie giggled and placed the car seat on the couch. "Lookie, here, Mattie Bear! That's your brother, Mason, and your sister, Mabel."

Matthew leaned over the car seat and Stan fought the urge to snatch the scary kid away from the helpless kids—but it's not like he could do it without someone questioning what the heck he was doing.

"You guys are cute," Matthew said coolly, smirking broadly as he stroked Mabel's—or Mason's—Stan couldn't tell who was who—face. "Too bad I'm going to exact revenge on you."

The men in the room all furrowed their brow at that comment. At least Stan wasn't the only one who was disturbed.

Ellie just smiled fondly and stroked Matthew's head. "I hope they're as charming as you."

"Nah," Matthew said. "They'll be dead before their personalities manifest."

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

 **AN: The song for today is "I have Been Waiting for this Moment" from the Madoka Rebellion soundtrack!**

 **Hope you liked!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	4. Chapter 4: The Deal

**AN: HEY GUYS! Did you miss me?! Admit it YOU MISSED ME!**

 **So, I'm back from vacation and better than ever! I also waisted my money on this piece of shit book called Blood Rose Rebellion that I hate so goddamn much. You know those stories with a protag that the author wants you to think of as likeable but is really just a selfish jerk(ette)? Yeah. And the romance…*DYING NOISES*.**

 **Anyway, here's another chapter for you lovely, lovely folks!**

 **But first, thank you to my new followers (I have 64 right now! WOW!), favouriters, And to my reviewers, NeonArt1, Skiethemuse, THE VILLAN, Angelwings2002, Fester Drummond, Zanther, Miss Mystery, Lunapok, randomplotbunny, Purest of the Hearts, CowardlyBravette, Guest, and ponystoriesandothers for your reviews!**

 **None of you had any questions so we'll just be moving on!**

 **I've got words, and words galore! Hope you like chapter four!**

 **Chapter Four: The Deal**

Blue. Their eyes were blue. Why were they blue?

It was a seemingly insignificant detail to worry about to anyone else, but _this_ was absolutely unacceptable. Pine Tree and Shooting Star had had brown eyes in the previous timeline, the fact that they were blue here was disappointing. It wouldn't be the same!

Those were the frustrated thoughts running through Bill's mind when one of the babies—Shooting Star, he knew due to her lack of a ridiculous birthmark—opened her eyes within the car seat, revealing ice blue orbs not unlike Ellie's earlier that day.

"Aw," Emmett had said with a light-hearted chuckle. "Three kids and none have my eye color. I'm a bit upset."

Bill heard Stanley let out a laugh. "Better get started on the fourth kid, Ellie!"

Ellie stopped stroking Bill's hair to glare at the laughing men. "Like hell! Have you ever gone through labor before? It's not _my_ fault their eyes are a gorgeous blue." She said the last part fondly, stroking the cooing Shooting Star's cheek.

It was one thing she and Bill didn't agree with. While Ellie seemed elated at her blue-eyed twins, Bill couldn't stop thinking how their non-resemblance to their meddling counterparts was irritating him.

…but then again, that was what The Axolotl probably wanted. Messing with the Twins' genes so that he'd be deterred from hurting them—that seemed like something the damn salamander would do.

 _Well…_ Bill thought, a rueful smirk spreading across his lips as he fished in the kitchen drawer for a suitable knife. Wood and metal brushed against his soft skin as he searched. _…he's a lot more deluded than I thought!_

It was disappointing and frustrating, sure. But they were still the Pines Twins. The little bundles of misery who aided in his defeat, blue eyes wouldn't stop him from exacting revenge.

Bill finally found a suitable enough weapon and beamed, falling back on his heels and closing the drawer.

He ran across the kitchen, small feet padding against the cold tile as he contemplated just how he was going to do this. Doing it while they were awake would be more rewarding, yes. But that would risk waking his parents and the last thing he needed was him being sent to a psychiatric hospital.

His feet hit the warm carpet of the stairs as he descended, excitement growing with each step. Bill began to hum quietly to himself as he entered the hallway, twirling the knife gleefully. He slowly opened his parents' bedroom door, cringing at the loud _squeak_ sound it emitted.

Bill paused, listening to see if they had awoken. But judging by Emmett's light snores and Ellie's sleepy giggles, they had not. The grin returned and the demon entered, his shadow being painted against the wall from the dim light of the crib mobile.

"At last…" Bill whispered, barely containing a giggle as he dragged an ottoman near the bed towards the crib. "…revenge is all mine…"

As the four-year-old stepped atop the cushiony piece of furniture, he readied his weapon over the sleeping children and pressed the flat of the blade gently against Shooting Star's baby soft cheek. That's when the wisp of doubt swam to the forefront of his mind.

When was the last time he had actually offed someone? Torture and disassembling molecules were one thing, but he hadn't extinguished a single soul since…

Bill swallowed and furrowed his brow before shaking his head vigorously. "Pull yourself together," he whispered to himself. "You were absolutely ready to kill those brats during Weirdmageddon, you fool!"

The wisp of doubt died, and Bill's grin returned. He rose the knife in the air, and it glinted in the mobile light. It hovered over the innocent form of Mabel as she clutched her brother's tiny fist in her own.

"Nighty-night!" Bill laughed, plunging the weapon down—

And getting his arm viciously yanked back. The knife slipped from the demon's surprised gasp and fell to the carpeted grown as he was spun around and forced to face the half horrified half enraged face of Emmett Pines.

The man opened his mouth and closed it, seeming to be unable to find words before he grabbed Bill's shoulders firmly and shoved him to the floor. The demon grunted at the slight pain in his shoulder and flinched away as his father screamed, "WHAT THE **HELL** IS YOUR PROBLEM!?"

The babies woke up then, screaming in distress from the noise but neither father or son cared. And judging by the face that she was still asleep, neither did Ellie.

Bill slowly stood, warily eyeing the heavily breathing Emmett and judging if he was going to hit him again or not while simultaneously scrambling for an innocent explanation. Quickly, the demon forced away his shock in slight fear and looked his father directly in the eye, swaying his body lightly.

"I was showing them a knife. I wasn't going to harm them!"

Emmett scoffed. "Oh really? In the middle of the night? While they're asleep?"

Bill frowned and wrinkled his nose. "Since when where you perceptive?" He demanded.

Emmett swore under his breath and grabbed Bill by his night shirt, filling Bill with panic once more. "H-hey! Let me go!" Bill yelled before the man tossed him onto the bed.

"Answer my question," Emmett spat, jabbing an angry finger at Bill's chest. "What. Is. Your. Problem?"

Bill sniffed with disdain and looked away towards the fallen knife. He had been so close…he clenched the bedsheets tightly in his fists. Did meddling run in this blasted family?!

"LOOK. At me!" Emmett thundered, grabbing Bill's face and snapping towards him.

Bill's eyes widened in fear. Emmett looked absolutely _murderous._ The way he was squeezing Bill's cheeks so tight, they way his brown eyes seemed to glow like embers, gritting of his teeth. Good Cipher was he about to be killed? Again?

The demon's thoughts flickered back to the horrible cold darkness. The way it suffocated him and pulled him downwards…he'd only been in there for what felt like seconds but…

Emmett paused, eyeing the terror in his son's eyes and the way his chest rapidly rose and fell. The blue-eyed gaze seemed faraway and distant.

Slowly, the man pulled away and Bill flinched before crab calling backwards a safe distance away on the bed.

"Matthew," Emmett said quietly, sitting slowly on the mattress. "I-I don't understand. Why would you try and—I—are you jealous? Is this what this is about?"

Bill's momentary fear became indignation. _Jealously?_ He laughed bitterly and glared at Emmett. "I don't get jealous, Emmett. Not when I'm the most powerful being in the multiverse."

Emmett furrowed his brow. "Wha—? You know what, try to make me understand, okay? Tell my _why."_

"Right, of course you want to know why, right? And then you'll turn your back on me and go all weak limbed and asinine! They all do!" Bill snapped, launching himself off the bed. "But you know what? If you want to know so badly, I'll tell you."

He pointed a shaking finger at the crib and gritted his teeth. "I. _Hate._ Them."

"Yeah, well, I _got_ that. But why?" Emmett cried. "If it's not jealousy…than what?"

Bill's finger lowered and he bit his lip to hold in a laugh. "Have you ever lost at your own game?" He began. "Have you ever been tickled torturously or been spritzed in the eye or betrayed by someone you thought was too idiotic to read the signs and have your entire plans slow to halt for 30 goddamn years?!" Emmett flinched at the outburst as Bill exploded into maniacal laughter.

"Matthew…I don't—"

" _Have you ever been punched into oblivion?!"_ Bill cackled, collapsing to the ground and hugging his abdominal. He could barely breathe with how hard he was laughing, and he felt tears prickle his eyes. _"Have you ever felt the fear of impending death?!"_

"What are you talking about?" Emmett said in a shaking voice. He rose from the bed and walked gingerly towards his insane son as he thrashed and rolled all over the floor.

"Can you explain, buddy? I'd like to understand!" Emmett crouched next to Bill and lay a hand on his twitching shoulder.

Bill launched to his knees and grabbed Emmett's pajama top in a white knuckled grip as he continued to laugh, Emmett flinching once more.

" _ **HAVE YOU EVER DIED, EMMETT?!"**_ Bill screamed loudly, this time his voice echoing in an unearthly way, the voice of his old self seeping into his new voice.

Emmett's eyes widened as he watched the electric blue eyes of his son flicker gold and animalistic.

" _ **HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SUFFOCATED BY DARKNESS AND THEN FORCED TO LIVE WITH THE VERY INDIVIDUALS WHO CAUSED YOU THE PAIN?!"**_ Bill shrieked. The twins' screams got louder, the bedroom windows slammed open and wind swooped in, ruffling papers and clothes and hair.

Bill threw his head up and laughed harder, letting his rage spread into every maniac hoot and seep into the atmosphere like an ominous cloud. And then with a shudder, it seemed to fade away. The last bit of rage left him with one last giggle, and he collapsed against his father's chest, the wind dying down, his voice returning to normal.

"Because I have, Emmett, _I_ have." Bill clenched the fabric of Emmett's shirt. "And now I know I'll never be happy until Dipper, Mabel, Stanford and the _bastard_ Stanley Pines are _dead."_

Emmett shook, breath shallow as he gingerly rubbed his son's back up and down. "Okay…okay. I-I see you've got a lot of pent up r-rage—wait who's Dipper?"

Bill didn't hear, he felt his energy draining and his body go weak. As his lids closed he felt Emmet carrying him in his arms and brought to his bedroom, felt him being lain in his bed and tucked. Felt the darkness take him hostage once more.

With a deep breath, Emmett backed away from his now sleeping kid, swearing under his breath and closing the bedroom door. Running a hand down his face he sped walked downstairs.

Jesus Christ, what the _hell_ was that?! It was like his son had gone full on Voldemort on him for a reason he _still_ hadn't told him about now that he thought about it! And no, that deluded rant about punches and darkness and…WHAT?! Did _not count_ in his eyes!

The man entered the living room and searched through the glass bookcase.

"Jesus…I need Jesus…" he croaked, taking out _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ and plopping onto the couch with a deep sigh.

But did it really matter what Matthew's reason was? He had tried to kill _two babies_ for Christ's sake! If he hadn't gone up to go get water…

 _I need to fix this. ASAP._

Out of nowhere, a thought popped into his brain, and a grin spread across his face. He knew just the person.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

Bill was still extremely tired the morning after, slumped pathetically over a now soggy bowl of cereal as his mother danced cheerfully around the kitchen to a Madonna song and singing along.

" _I looked into your eyes_

 _And my world came tumbling down_

 _You're the devil in disguise_

 _That's why I'm singing this song…"_

It was absolutely grating, and Bill wished she could've played this song when he was in a better mood—his mother had a nice voice and sometimes he enjoyed just hearing it—not that he'd admit that ever. But he was just too tired. He had told her so too, but the woman had simply smiled obnoxiously and put the volume up.

With an annoyed sigh, Bill took a spoonful of soggy cereal and winced at the texture. Disgusting. Taking his bowl, he slid off the kitchen table and walked to the sink. He went on his toes and spilled the atrocious breakfast into the metal basin.

"Um…what are you doing?" Ellie asked mid-hip roll.

"It's soggy," Bill deadpanned with a glare.

The woman took the bowl from him. "I'll pour you some more, m'kay?" She chirped and danced towards the fridge.

Bill nodded affirmative and dragged his feet back to the kitchen table, yawning.

"Do you want waffles too, Mattie Bear?" Ellie called.

"Yes," Bill mumbled tiredly, slumping onto the table with another yawn. "With butter."

 _Why am I so weak?_ Bill asked himself as he fought to keep his eye-lids open. Was it the outburst? Goodness he hated being human…

As he felt himself drifting off, Ellie called. "Uh…Emmie? Where's all the knives?"

Bill's eyes fluttered open and he frowned, in confusion as he watched Ellie look through a completely empty drawer. Emmett walked in, straightening his plaid button shirt. "I hid them," he said off-handedly.

Ellie and Bill both furrowed their brows, but before the woman could question further, the doorbell rang.

"Aha!" Emmett beamed. "He's here!"

"Who's here?" Ellie asked with a frown, lowering the volume of the radio.

Emmett didn't answer, just strode out of the kitchen with a pep in his step and unlocked the door. Bill shifted around in his seat in curiosity to see who it was, and Ellie moved beside him with her arms crossed over her chest.

The door opened and there stood a very tall, stiff man with flaming red hair and brilliantly vivid green eyes. He wore a pinstriped suit and held a brown suitcase.

"Matthew, Ellie, meet my old friend, Silas Otto!" Emmett said happily.

"Who?" Ellie demanded before catching herself and flushing. "I-I mean…" Ellie pulled Bill to his feet, much to his annoyance and grinned at the man before them. "Pleased to meet you! What brings you here?"

Silas cleared his throat and smiled lightly. "Well, Emmett called me last night about your son."

Ellie's smile slipped a notch. She glanced at Bill then at her husband. "Oh?" She said in a tight voice.

"Yes," Silas said, taking a step forward into the kitchen. "You see, I'm a psychiatrist."

Bill's eyes widened and he glared at his father. "WHAT?!" He and Ellie exclaimed in unison. _A psychiatrist!_ What had he been thinking throwing a tantrum like that?! Of course, Emmett would think him crazy!

"You told me I can use your living room, right, Emmett?" Silas asked calmly in complete contrast to the sudden tension in the room.

"Emmett!" Ellie snapped, rounding on her husband. The man put his hands up in surrender and said quickly. "Look honey, we can talk in our room, okay?"

Bill watched a fuming Ellie be led away as Silas put a hand on his shoulder. Bill locked eyes with the smiling man. "This way, Matthew."

The demon scowled, contemplating rebelling—but then he remembered last night, the murderous looking man that was supposed to be Emmett Pines, the pathetic goofy Harry Potter geek.

Bill lowered his gaze and swallowed thickly, following Mr. Otto into the living room.

The man set his case down and gestured for Bill to sit on the nearby loveseat. The demon reluctantly complied and yawned lightly again as he watched Silas drag a nearby sofa chair and sit on it.

"So, Matthew. I hear you tried to kill your siblings," Silas said in a casual voice that made Bill want to giggle. Instead he lifted up his chin and sat up straighter. "I did, and I'm not sorry so no need for your frivolous mind games, alright?"

Silas frowned. "You didn't feel anything? No guilt? No hesitation?"

There was a bit of hesitation…and if he hadn't felt it he probably wouldn't've been stopped by Emmett…but he wouldn't admit it.

Bill shrugged. "Nope."

Silas scowled and leaned back into the chair with a frustrated sigh. "Unempathetic, arrogant…goodness. Four years and you haven't changed at all! I'm disappointed in you, Bill."

Bill's eyes widened and he jumped off the couch. "What?! How—who _are you?!"_ He yelled.

When Silas spoke again, his voice changed. It echoed against the walls and became slightly deeper. "This wasn't supposed to happen," The Axolotl sighed.

Bill baked in recognition before clenching his fists in anger. _"You…"_ he snarled, storming towards him with shaking limbs. _"Who do you think you are?!_ You make me human and tie my DNA with the Pines family! I learned to walk _just last year_ Axolotl! And before that I was frolicking on the floor like a prehistoric organism! And then you just waltz in and expect me to be happy?!"

Axolotl shrugged pathetically. "Well…to put it bluntly yes. The positive environment should have chipped away at your venomous edge but…" Axolotl looked sadly down at Bill and sighed again. "…you're exactly the same."

Bill frowned darkly and placed each palm on one of Axolotl's knees. "What's your goal, Axolotl? You say these things as if this isn't just a straightforward reprimand."

Axolotl paused to remove Bill's hands before saying, "No, Bill. This—all of this—isn't just a reprimand—if it were, I'd have turned you into a pig. Did you know Jheselbraum, Time Baby, and Saturn wanted that?"

Bill rolled his eyes. "Of course, they did," he spat. "Tell them the next time you see them that they can go shove their faces in an interdimensional sand pit for all I care!"

Axolotl gave Bill a sad smile and crossed his right leg over his left. "Know this, Bill. The _only_ reason you aren't a pig is because pigs don't have a natural moral compass built into them—unlike humans."

Axolotl clapped his hands and the blinds on all the windows snapped shut. A green colored orb rose into the air and began projecting a hologram on the plane white wall in front of them.

"Turn around, if you please," Axolotl instructed and Bill gloomily obeyed, plopping onto the floor.

"All man is born good," Axolotl said as the hologram showed a baby with a glowing pure white soul. "It's the traumatic experiences they go through that makes them flawed and irrational as time goes on." The hologram baby slowly grew into an adult, the soul becoming a dull shade of gray.

"Okay, so?" Bill demanded crossing his arms. "What does that have to do with me? I'm not human, I'm in a human body."

"It has _everything_ to do with you," Axolotl said with a smile. The hologram showed the adult morphing back into the baby with the pure soul. Next to it, a silhouette of Bill appeared.

"You have a way of possessing people that includes ripping their soul out of their bodies and replacing it with your own," Axolotl said. The hologram showed Silhouette Bill ripping away the soul. A second later it became a sickly yellow.

"But most supernatural beings do it differently—they mostly prefer to ram their soul in right next to the soul they're possessing—this is…a bit what I have done with you.

"A new soul was automatically created the moment your shell Matthew Pines was born. Instead of replacing Matthew's soul, however, I smushed them in together."

The hologram showed the soul from before smushed together with the yellow one.

"This form of possession has side effects. After a while, the natural soul will begin to rub its tendencies onto the artificial one—many beings have become completely new after this sort of phenomenon and it is this that I have been banking on."

Axolotl clapped his hands again and the hologram disappeared, the blinds reopening themselves. He turned to Bill, eyes twinkling. "Matthew's soul is still a baby—he hasn't the will to fight back against your soul—it isn't experiencing anything, so it is still pure. A pure soul rubbing off on yours—"

"Will make me a goody two shoes in time…" Bill finished, horror tinged in his voice. He spun around to look up at the Axolotl "You—you want to…change me?!"

Axolotl beamed. "Exactly! And seeing as how you haven't even _attempted_ at atonement this time around, I'll give you a little motivator. You like making deals, yes?"

Bill felt a trill of excitement tickle his spine as he stood up to face the lizard god. Though he tried to keep his face marginally annoyed.

"Alright, what's the deal?"

"No more trying to kill your siblings—" Bill slumped his shoulders and pouted. "—you _try_ to embrace your human soul and I will give you back your magic."

Bill's shoulders rose from their slumped position and he couldn't stop the excited grin from gracing his face. "My magic? You'll give it back?"

"You have my word," Axolotl smiled, placing a hand on his heart.

Bill contemplated this. He wouldn't be able to kill the twins anymore, true…but Axolotl said _nothing_ about Stanley and Sixer! He hated them more anyway and besides, he could always just pretend to be redeemed to gain his magic back and immediately break the deal after. Axolotl would never know; he had _some_ mind magic but not like Bill did.

"Alright-y then, Axolotl!" Bill said, holding out his hand. "We've got ourselves a deal!"

Axolotl smiled and took Bill's small hand. Immediately after, the demon's hand erupted in blue flames.

Bill screamed and looked away, quivering as it began to spread. Only when it crept up his arm did he pull away. Damn fire…damn Pines…this stupid paranoia was all _their_ fault!

Looking back slowly, Axolotl was looking at him worriedly.

"Stop that!" Bill snapped. "I'm fine."

Axolotl eyed him for a few more seconds before shrugging. "Well, if you insist." The god stood up and cracked his back. "Your parents seem to be still discussing their disagreements. I'll go tell them farewell before I go—"

Axolotl paused and narrowed his eyes, turning back to Bill. "Be careful. You have another counterpart in this universe."

Bill's eyes widened. "What? Oh, come on, you couldn't put me in a dimension that didn't have a Bill Cipher in it?! _Now_ I have competition!"

" _That's_ what you're worried about? Bill, if the Cipher from this timeline finds out about you, do you know what he could do?" Axolotl demanded incredulously.

Assuming that the Bill from this timeline was just like him, this Bill was sure he'd too get mad at the competition and—

"Oh." Well this life just kept getting better, and better!

"I suggest you draw as little attention to yourself as possible. Thankfully he seems to be having a field day with Stanford Pines most of the time but…be careful, alright?"

Bill nodded mutely as the sounds of his bickering parents filled the house.

"I _still_ can't believe you sent a damn therapist after our son!"

"And _I_ still can't believe we're still arguing about this! You mean to tell me the twins don't matter to you?!"

"Of course, they matter to me Emmett, but he _said_ he was just showing them—" The two paused when they saw Axolotl and Bill.

"I'll be taking my leave, good day," Axolotl smiled, giving Bill a pat on the head and exiting the living room. The god's words echoed in Bill's head as he stood there, contemplating all the new information.

"Where did you even meet that guy?" Ellie demanded as the sound of the door opening and closing hit their ears.

"I—" Emmett paused…bewilderment written on his face. "I-I-Jesus, I don't even remember…."

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

That evening, Bill sat subdued in front of the TV watching a brainless cartooned named _Ed, Edd n Eddy._ It was the most hideous looking thing he had ever set eyes upon, but he was bored to near death and he had nothing else to do.

Ellie sat beside him with the twins in her arms and a smile gracing her lips. "What're you watch—ohmygod to hell with this show." The brunette moved the twins on to the couch beside their brother to go locate the remote and they just…stared at him.

Bill glared back at those stupid round faces, once more feeling the pang of annoyance at the blue of their eyes. That feeling subsided when he remembered that he was not to be killing them anymore.

The demon sighed despondently. It had seemed like a fair deal at the time, but now Bill was kind of kicking himself. Even the thought of ending Stanley and Sixer didn't cheer him up; they were elder men with muscles for Cipher's sake! How was he supposed to pull that off as opposed to two helpless babies?

Pine Tree made a noise, placing a chubby palm on Bill's arm. Shooting Star leaned against his lap and drooled all over it.

Bill gritted his teeth in disgust and held the baby girl up and away from. Gagging as the thin line of saliva followed her lips. The baby gurgled, reaching for Bill's hair and grabbing a hand full.

He couldn't believe he wasn't allowed to kill them.

Blessedly, Ellie returned and took Shooting Star from him. "Bonding with your siblings, Mattie Bear? Good for you!" She grinned and placed the baby on her lap as Pine Tree began biting Bill's arm with a toothless jaw.

Bill's eye twitched and he forced himself to pay attention to the TV as Ellie flicked past multiple channels.

"Ooh!" Ellie said, ending up on a sitcom that Bill immediately recognized as _Full House._

 _Kill me. Kill me now._ Bill wined and slumped in his seat. _Screw you Axolotl and your stupid deal!_

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

 **AN: Hey guys! Thanks for reading.**

 **The ending theme for this chapter is "Royal Pain" by Eels!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	5. Chapter 5: Royalty

**AN:**

 **Me: Stares at computer screen**

 **Writers' Block: DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM**

 **Me: Writers' Block…!**

 **Writers' Block: ARE YOU READY?!**

 **Me: NO! I'm not ready at all! In fact, this is just the beginning of the story!**

 **Writers' Block: ARE YOU READY?!**

 **Me: This is just a minor setback! As soon as I listen to some music the words will come!**

 **Writers' Block: *Drags me into void of no words***

 **Me: I PROMISE I HAVE IDEAS! I PROMISE!**

 **Yup, writers' block. Which is sad, because this is one of the chapters I was excited to write about! Which is also why the chapter is shorter than I hoped…I'm SUPER busy this week on top of that so I won't be able to post on Gravity Falls Day/My Birthday like I usually do, sadly…**

 **Anyway, thank you to all my reviewers and followers and favouriters and just anonymous readers! You all mean so much to me! *blows kiss***

 **Two questions I'd like to answer is from Lunapok: When I said I'd be making an OC x Bill fic I meant a separate story, hope that clears things up (Although I do have some OC romance coming Matthew's way in THIS story, stay tuned)!**

 **Also, to Skiethemuse: No, I don't hate Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy at all actually; I've never watched a single episode. But I'm aware that this show was many people's childhoods, sorry guys! If you want revenge just bash Jackie Chan Adventures and Winx Club. That was my bread and butter when I was younger!**

 **Here I am, I did not die, hope you enjoy chapter five!**

 **Chapter Five: Royalty**

Bill was ashamed that it had taken him six-months to finally realize the good side of not killing Dipper and Mabel Pines. He could still get his revenge on them in a non-murderous way with eternal torment! Then there was the lovely fact that they were dumb and impressionable little morsels who could grow up to worship him!

Genius!

Bill tightened the blue blanket around his neck before spinning around dramatically, makeshift cape billowing.

"So," he started in an authoritarian voice, walking around the twins who were sitting together on the living room carpet. Shooting Star was trying and failing to put her foot in her mouth while Pine Tree picked at the carpet's threading.

"I can't kill you, BUT! I can very much make your life a living hell while simultaneously making you my slaves!" Bill continued pointing his floppy cardboard sword at his siblings. "Starting today, I will groom you both into being my personal—" The demon paused as he heard an amused giggle from behind him.

Bill spun around and glared at his mother as she recorded him with her camcorder. "Ellie!" He exclaimed. "This is a _private_ recruitment slash sentencing ceremony!"

From behind him, Shooting Star accidentally smacked herself in the face with her foot and toppled to the side while Pine Tree stared blankly into space, drooling. The saliva landed on Bill's pant leg and he gave an enraged yelp.

"Get ahold of yourself you animal!" Bill barked pointing his wobbly sword at Pine Tree. The action caused the four-year-old's cardboard crown to topple off his head.

Ellie burst into laughter and placed the camcorder on the nearby coffee table. Bill turned back around to glare at her.

"I'm sorry, Mattie Bear! It's just you're so _adorable!"_

Bill snatched his cardboard crown and slammed it on his head. "I'm a _king!"_

"Who says you can't be both?" Ellie asked. "I was! Well—a queen."

Bill tilted his head to the side curiously. Since when were the Pines royalty? Then again he _supposed_ it wasn't impossible. The twins had blue eyes this time around; more could have changed. But why hadn't he known earlier?

As he pondered this, Bill hadn't even noticed that his mother had left her spot by the coffee table and was now searching through the nearby shelf, pushing away books.

"If you're a queen…why don't we have servants? Or a mansion? Or gold?" Bill demanded. "Were you and Emmett holding back on me?"

Ellie rolled her eyes playfully and took down a brown box labeled _Ellie._ "Not _that_ queen, Matthew," She said sitting down on the carpet cross legged with the box. Pine Tree crawled into the woman's lap as Bill uttered a disappointed, "Oh."

Nevertheless, Bill was curious to see where this metaphor was going. He sat beside Shooting Star who was stuck on her back and kicking desperately in the air. The sight made Bill snicker and to his surprise, the baby giggled along with him.

The amusement of the situation swiftly disappeared; she wasn't even destressed, yeesh. Instead he opted to ignore his sister and turn his attention to Ellie as she opened up the box.

"Ah! Lookie here, my ninth Halloween! It was this exact moment that spurred my love for the queen theme—ooh that rhymed!" Ellie giggled to herself before showing the picture to Bill.

Ellie was a nine-year-old in the photo, grinning as she stood in a pink and white dress. A rose covered crown adorned her head.

"You see? You can be adorable and royalty!" Ellie said, searching for another photo. "Ooh! Look at this one! I was in a play about Snow White and I was the evil queen!" Ellie held up another photo and handed it to Bill.

This one had Ellie, slightly older on a stage, she posed dramatically with a staff in one hand and a fake apple in the other. The dress was black and seemed to be sewed with crow feathers. "I like this one," Bill commented.

"If you like that, you should see this one!" Ellie dug some more and pulled out yet another picture. This time, Ellie was a teenager. Her dress was a light purple and covered in diamonds that Bill presumed were fake. She had on _lots_ of makeup and a sash that proudly showed the words _PROM QUEEN_ adorned her as well as a silver crown. The girl in the photo looked just about ready to burst into happy tears.

Next to her, was a boy her age. He had dark hair and eyes, coupled with a smug grin that Bill found vaguely familiar. He too sported a crown and a sash that said _PROM KING._

"I enjoy the evil queen attire better, but this is fine, I suppose," Bill said off handedly. He turned to hand the picture back to his mother and was surprised to see her giving him an offended look.

"What?" He demanded.

"That was the single best night of my life," Ellie said in a somewhat miffed voice. "Did you know that was a half-hour before you were conceived?"

Bill's eyes widened. "How old were you?"

"Eighteen," Ellie responded flatly. The tightness in her voice was not lost on Bill as the woman stared at the picture with an unreadable expression. "A month later, your father and I got married."

"At eighteen?" Bill repeated incredulously.

"We kind of didn't have a choice. If Mom knew I was having a kid outside of wedlock she'd have a fit," Ellie responded, sighing and pacing the picture back in the box.

Bill stared at Ellie with wide eyes. After a second's pause, he asked. "Do you love each other?"

"What?"

"You and Emmett."

"Of course, I do!" Ellie said, brightening immediately as she helped Shooting Star finally sit up properly and smoothed her dark hair. "Why else do people marry?"

"Necessity? Money? Politics?" Bill listed off.

Ellie turned back with a smile as Pine Tree crawled into the box with a gurgle. "I don't regret a thing—of course I wish it wasn't so soon and stuff but…I have you lovely babies and that makes me happy!" She rescued Pine Tree from the box, spilling multiple pictures out in the process and seated him next to Mabel.

Bill gauged her face for a few seconds as cooed at the twins. He couldn't tell if the woman was being truthful or not—the flatline of her voice when mentioning the age, she had been was still in the back of his mind.

"The other man in the photo," Bill said. "That was Emmett?"

Ellie burst into laughter as she covered the box. "No, no. That was an old sweetheart of mine—not important."

"So—you cheated on him?"

"Goodness, Matthew, no! We were sweethearts, not in actual relationship. We just promised each other to get married in the future," Ellie said, pushing the box back into the shelf.

Bill then scowled at Pine Tree as the baby attempted to crawl into his lap as well, a partially crumpled picture in his grasp.

"Off," Bill snapped, nudging Pine Tree away with his knee and snatching the photo. This one was also with Ellie, but she looked about twelve. Beside her were two boys; a brunette like her who seemed slightly younger, perhaps ten and a tall raven-haired boy. Though all of them had blue eyes, round faces and thin lips.

They stood on a front lawn with fancy clothes on, all looking bored.

"Wait a second, you have siblings?" Bill demanded, looking up from the photo and up at his mother. "All this time we _didn't_ have to invite Emmett's obnoxious side of the family for Christmas dinner?!"

Ellie's eyes widened and she snatched the photo with a startled squeak. "No."

"…yes, they are."

"How would you know?"

"You share similar features."

"So?"

"You also became panicked when I suggested it."

Ellie paused, shook her head and tore the photo in half. "Don't worry about it," she said, briskly walking out of the room.

Bill scoffed. Overly dramatic much? _He_ had terrible relatives! Ellie never saw _Bill_ lying about it!

"What did you to your mother?" A voice said from behind, Bill swiveled his head and sighed heavily at Emmet who leaned against the archway, eying the boy with a frown.

"Nothing, I asked her something. She got upset," Bill said vaguely.

Emmett narrowed his eyes. "Listen—"

"No, _you_ listen! Do you ever get tired of being obnoxious! Geez!" Bill grumbled, and got to his feet, kicking away Pine Tree who had clung to his leg. "People get angry, C'est la vie!"

Before his father could say another word, Bill had left the living room in search of strawberries.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

A few months later, and Bill was ready to be sent to the human facility of brainwashing and forcing dumb world views down little children's throats.

In short, kindergarten.

Bill scowled perpetually through the whole morning. Of all of his five years of human existence, this day was by far the worst day of his life.

It started with Ellie waking him up with a shake of his shoulders. "Wake up, sweetie! It's school time!"

The demon buried deeper into the covers. To hell with school, to hell with _everything._ He was painfully salty about not getting any of his magic back. He hadn't laid a finger on the damn twins despite the fact that he _very much_ wanted to. Shooting Star wouldn't stop grabbing Bill's hair and Pine Tree had an obnoxious affinity to nibbling on his skin. Just what was he doing wrong then?

Besides, Emmett was watching him like a hawk constantly when he wasn't off with his "buddy" or at work; it wasn't like he could do anything regardless. Was the Axolotl just assuming that Bill was biding his time? Now Bill _wished_ the salamander had mind reading powers…

"If you don't wake up now, you're not getting strawberries with your lunch," Ellie said in a sing-song voice.

Bill's eyes opened. He loved strawberries more than he was angry at the Axolotl. He sighed in submission and grumbled some alien swear words under his breath before rolling out of bed and plodding towards the bathroom.

"Good boy!" Ellie cheered as she migrated to the drawers, looking for an outfit presumably. Bill simply rolled his eyes and slammed open the bathroom door before proceeding to brush his teeth.

Then Emmett walked by and paused. "Oh, buddy! Don't use your toothbrush; Mabel was sucking on it. Sorry, forgot to tell you."

Bill dropped the tooth brush abruptly as he processed that information. He was ingesting _Shooting Star's saliva._

He let out an unholy shriek of rage and threw his toothbrush at the bathroom mirror before angrily turning towards Emmett.

"THEN WHY IS IT STILL HERE?!" He demanded angrily.

Emmett held out his hands in surrender. "I forgot. Ellie told me to but—."

"You _useless, pathetic, idiotic—!"_

"Matthew!" Emmett scowled and took in a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry alright? Just get a new one!"

Bill grumbled and looked underneath the sink for another, moving aside bottles and toilet paper. "Where is it?" He demanded.

"Apologize for your rudeness and maybe I'll tell you," Emmett stated causing Bill to grit his teeth in outrage.

"Well?"

The blonde got up and turned around. "Sorry," he spat at Emmett, tossing his old toothbrush into the nearby garbage can. "Even though you contaminated me."

"Matthew!"

"But it's true! You continuously criticize me when I lie and do things that you call _unhinged_ but then get livid when I tell the truth and you don't like it!" Bill stormed out of the bathroom to his bedroom to change and turned back at his glaring father.

"You can't have your cake and eat it too!" He yelled as he slammed the door shut.

"MATTHEW! Don't you dare slam doors in this house!"

"WHATEVER!"

The five-year-old stomped over to his bed to see whatever his mother had given him with a dark scowl on his face and hands on his hips. "Humans, just when I think they couldn't get any more unlikeable than Stanley—!"

Bill stared at the outfit laid out on his bed in silent horror. It consisted of brown shorts, white socks, a brown cap, a blue vest, and a red shirt.

The demon took in several calming breaths before storming back towards the door and pulling it open fiercely, Ellie was waiting for him with a hopeful smile as if she had teleported in front of the door. "Well, do you like the—?"

"No," was Bill's sharp reply. He pointed an angry shaking finger at the woman's chest. "I will _never_ wear that garbage!"

The smile faded from Ellie's face. "Well…I'll just get you another—"

"Elle, no," Emmett said coming up from behind his wife. "Matthew wears it, or he goes to school naked."

Bill scoffed. "Than I'm going to school naked!"

Emmett's mouth twitched. "We can arrange that."

"You can't be serious!" Ellie cried. "That is social _poison!"_

Emmett ignored her, glaring at Bill. The demon was reminded of that night only a year ago and he felt his heart clench. He had the dreadful feeling that Emmett would make his threat a reality.

"Fine," Bill said, trying to keep his voice even. It wasn't like dressing like Pine Tree was the _worst_ thing that could happen to him.

After changing, Bill stormed downstairs and into the kitchen where the one-year-old twins were playing with paint. Pine Tree was mixing colors together and Shooting Star was trying to paint—something—but it looked like trash.

"I'm almost done with your lunch, Mattie Bear!" Ellie said. "Eat up quick, m'kay?"

Bill sat at his usual spot on the kitchen table and stabbed his fork violently into his plate of waffles. Emmett sat nearby flicking through a newspaper.

"So," the man said off-handedly. "Ready for school?"

Bill sighed heavily. He did _not_ want to go to school. He knew everything humans knew times a thousand and going to kindergarten was just a waste of time and energy he could use for more important things; like getting his magic back or plotting ways to end the Stan twins!

"Oh, come on, buddy. Enough with the face," Emmett said with a tiny smile. Almost as if their previous argument had never happened.

The blonde angrily clenched his fists. "I don't _want_ to go! I'm already smart and going there will lessen my I.Q to that of an infant with brain cancer if I have to be surrounded by those idiotic, booger snorting wastes of sperm!" Bill paused in his rant as Shooting Star grabbed a chunk of his hair with her paint covered hand.

Bill screamed in horror and swatted her hand away, hitting his plate of waffles and sending them crashing to the floor.

"ARGH!" He yelled in rage.

The Pine Parents exchanged a look before glancing back at their son, gauging whether or not he was about to throw one of his famous tantrums.

Thankfully. The five-year-old just seethed in place for a few seconds before storming out of the room red faced and quivering.

Emmett sighed heavily. "What are we going to do with that kid?" He asked tiredly.

"Maybe he'll grow out of it, maybe he won't," Ellie said as the toaster popped. She took the slices of bread and spread strawberry jam on them with a small smile. "But we'll love him either way—right Emmett?"

The woman's husband sighed heavily again and placed his newspaper back down. "Of course, I will but—do you sometimes feel we did something wrong when raising him? Been too lenient or something?"

"Nope!" Ellie said taking a small bite out of Matthew's sandwich and placing it in a Ziploc. "I guess you do?"

"…I don't know. Maybe."

"You're being ridiculous, m'kay? We're _great_ parents!" Ellie latched Matthew's lunchbox with a smile and held out to Emmett. "You'll try to go a day without butting heads with each other?"

Emmett frowned and took it. "No promises."

The drive to the school was spent in tense silence, Bill lamenting the fact that he was dressed like Pine Tree _and_ hadn't gotten a proper breakfast, Emmett wondering what exactly he was going to do with his worrying son.

Once in the parking lot, Bill could see multiple children crying and clinging to their parents pathetically. Weaklings.

"So, have a good—"

"Yup," Bill stated before jumping out of the car and marching purposefully towards the school. If he was going to be forced into this stupidity, at least he would do it with class.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

 **AN: Next chapter, Bill's fist day in school! This chapter's ending theme is: "Alice Game" from the Rozen Maiden soundtrack—a little foreboding hint at what is to come, if I do say so myself :3**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	6. Chapter 6: Give me a Reason

**AN: Ello folks! I'm back and better than ever!**

 **I'm super excited to show you guys this chapter and I hope you all enjoy it just as much as I loved writing it!**

 **And a big thank you to all my favouriters, followers and of course my reviewers! Everything you guys tell me help me become a better author!**

 **This chapter you won't want to miss, hope you enjoy chapter six!**

 **Chapter Six: Give me a Reason**

The schoolyard was surrounded by young obnoxious children. _Honestly._ Bill thought with a scowl as he entered the school. _Do they not know how to speak without screaming at the top of their infuriating lungs?!_

The inside was hardly better. While the screaming was considerably less bothersome, it was still far above "inside voice" and it was giving the five-year-old demon a headache as he plopped into a random seat.

In front of him, children threw laughably pathetic looking paper planes at each other, argued over seats or loudly bragging about their snacks. Who bragged about their _snacks?!_

To his absolute delight and relief, the teacher walked in. He had a head of messy strawberry blonde hair and hazel colored eyes. He also wore the frilliest suit Bill had ever seen in his entire trillions of years of existence.

"Hello there, kiddies!" He chirped in a cheerful voice that reminded Bill of Shooting Star, and a little of his parents. "Please take your seats!"

Most children obeyed, though one or two continued to explore the toybox and whatnot.

"Children?" The teacher said in a voice that had begun to drip with poison syrup. Bill could clearly see the annoyance glowing in his eyes and Bill honestly couldn't blame the man.

"CHILDREN!" He boomed when they failed to listen to him once again. Bill flinched and sat straighter in his seat as the remaining children plopped into their own seats as quick as possible. One child even began to whimper, and another was crying.

Bill rolled his eyes dramatically. The teacher's smile returned, and he smoothed his weird suit. "Hello, kiddies. I'll be your substitute teacher for today—your other teacher is not feeling well, and I agreed to take up the mantel!"

His eyes swept across the room before striding towards the blackboard and writing down his name, _Mr. Satori._

"Don't worry though. I'm a _good_ teacher! I've taught in twenty different schools already, five of them being kindergartens just like this one! You all be good kiddies and I'll be good to you too, alright?" He said. "Now, let's begin the lesson!"

Mr. Satori handed out blank pieces of paper, paints, and paint brushes before the lesson began—identifying colors, Bill felt his body slump and his eyelids become weights. Did he _really_ need to know the difference between green and blue? Did _anyone_ need to know? What did that have to do with life unless you were becoming an artist? Why did humans think they could teach anything about colors when they couldn't even _see_ majority of them? Why was school so _useless?!_

"You, in the back!" Mr. Satori chirped.

Bill had no idea who the man was talking to and yawned, going to nap—

"Blondie?" He said, using the syrupy voice again.

Bill looked up and squinted at the man. "Are you talking to me?"

"I am. You look bored! Why's that?"

Bill scoffed and sat up in his seat. "Because this class is useless."

Mr. Satori rose his eyebrows and strode over to Bill. The rest of the class watched his movements with curiosity.

"Somebody's in trouble!" A girl from beside Bill sang. The demon took his bottle of red paint and threw it at her head with a scowl—it missed by a foot and rolled pathetically across the ground. Bill flushed with anger and embarrassment as the class giggled, though Mr. Satori said nothing as he stocked closer with that eerie smile of his.

"And why is that?"

"Oh, multiple reasons. But the main one is the fact that I know all of these colors already plus the others not seen by man," Bill said simply.

Mr. Satori tilted his head to the side. "And what's your name, kiddie?"

"Bi—Matthew Pines." Bill fought the urge to flinch in disgust. He _still_ hated that awful, _awful_ name.

"You seem smart, _Matthew._ A little decipherer are we?" Mr. Satori smiled, eyeing Bill purposefully.

Bill properly locked eyes with the man. It took him a second, but he could feel it…the subtle hint of otherworldliness that seeped from him. The blonde demon poured as much questioning into his eyes as he possibly could; _Do you know me?_

Mr. Satori smirked and he made a subtle nod.

Whoever he was, it wasn't Axolotl; Bill had never known the goody-two-shoes to lose his temper with anyone—much less children. And there was something…darker about him that wasn't present in The Axolotl.

The rest of the class were becoming confused by how intently the two supernatural beings were staring at each other. Finally, "Mr. Satori" cleared his throat and beamed. "I'll see you after class, Matthew. We can talk more."

Bill began to feel excited—what if this man was one of his Henchmaniacs? They could help get his magic back and there would be no need to honor his deal with The Axolotl!

Unfortunately, class couldn't have taken longer to finish, and Bill had fallen asleep—embarrassingly, drooling all over his desk.

He was awoken by the sound of a door shutting and a lock clicking into place.

"Matthew! You're awake!" Mr. Satori walked towards him in the now empty classroom. Bill sat up in his seat, wiping away the bodily fluids from his face in disgust.

"Or should I say…Bill Cipher?"

Bill beamed. "Ah! So, you _do_ know me!" he said in delight, slipping off the chair and standing in front of Mr. Satori. "Marvelous! Who would you be? And better question, how soon can you restore my powers?"

"Ha! Right to the point, eh, Cipher?" Mr. Satori smiled fondly and walked towards the large windows, flicking down the blinds one by one and blocking off most of the sunlight. "Just how much power do you have now?"

Bill sighed. "Only my flames, completely non-flammable however."

With his back still turned towards the blinded windows, Mr. Satori let out a deep chuckle. His magic seeped into every corner of the room and stilled the air. When the man turned around, his eyes were black—pitch black. A barrier colored amber grew from around him and encased itself around what Bill assumed was the whole school.

He recognized that spell—a Disillusion Barrier. Bill's eyes darted everywhere as his muscles began to tense…He was starting to suspect Mr. Satori wasn't an ally.

The five-year-old loudly cleared his throat and inched towards the door. "Heh, yes! Funny, very hilarious! Anyway, I have a _very_ intense father and he's more than likely waiting for me outside so—"

The door behind him erupted in golden flames. They didn't burn the door, but they were very much hot and very much dangerous.

Bill screamed in terror, staggering backwards and crashing into the desk. He spun around but Mr. Satori was gone, in his place was a creature with a lion face, goat legs sticking out from each part of it and surrounding it like a ninja throwing star.

"A-ah!" Bill stammered. His legs no longer supported him, and he fell to the floor in a mixture of shock and fear. "B-Buer! Wow what a surprise! D-did you—"

"The minute I got wind of your Full Reincarnation I went looking all over for you…" Buer growled. He walked forwards on two goat legs and Bill crab crawled backwards—but stopped when he felt the door's heat.

"Really! I'm flattered, Buer, really, really flattered!" Bill choked, forcing a plastic grin on to his face. It quivered pathetically the closer Buer got and once the lion-goat hybrid stopped right in front of him, it had disappeared completely.

"Finally, revenge is _mine!"_ Buer cackled as the flames from the door got brighter and spread across the walls and floors. Bill launched to his feet, climbing atop a desk as he watched the flames crawl ever closer to him.

"Look, Buer! Don't do this!" Bill pleaded. His small body was quivering now, and he felt tears prickling his eyes. "You can't! I was just given a second chance I—!"

A heavy gust of wind blew threw the classroom. The flames were licked out in seconds and both demons looked around in surprise.

A blinding light appeared and to his utter relief, Bill recognized the silhouette of an Axolotl.

Buer's black eyes widened. "What the—!"

A blast of light was shot at him and the demon melted into the floor. "No, NO!" He roared, the sound echoed against the four walls and reverberated long after the demon had disappeared.

The Axolotl landed on the desk in his normal form but far smaller, staring up at Bill with what looked like concern. "Bill…are you alright?"

Bill stared at the creature for a few seconds when he felt a fit of laughter clawing out of his throat. "Alright?!" Bill cackled. "I almost died! In a fire! AGAIN!"

The five-year-old threw his head up and laughed harder, only stopping when he almost fell of the desk he was still atop of. As he quieted down to giggles, Bill slid off the desk and fixed Axolotl with a giant grin. "I'm sure you were enjoying the little show, weren't you? That's why it took you so long to show up!"

Axolotl's eyes widened in shock. "…how can you even insinuate that?" The sheer hurt in the Axolotl's voice made Bill cackle. Only a Mother Teresa wannabe like The Axolotl would get whiny at having his morals questioned. "The reason I didn't show up right away was because I was _busy_ if you must know. I have a life of my own and can't spend it baby-sitting you all the time."

"Hardy, har," Bill grumbled, turning his back on the Axolotl. "You wouldn't need to babysit me if you gave me my powers back, now would you?"

"Bill. I _will not_ return your magic until I am convinced you have become a half-way decent being."

"Yeesh, harsh much?" Bill grumbled, crossing his arms tighter and glaring at the floor.

There was a beat, then another. The sound of parents talking to their children outside reached Bill's ears and the faint smell of nearby hotdog stand could be smelled. It made Bill wrinkle his nose in disgust.

Finally, the Axolotl spoke again. "This entire situation is rather troubling."

Bill smirked and turned back around. "Really? I hadn't noticed!"

Axolotl swished his tail and looked down at the brown wood desk, not even bothering to acknowledge Bill's sarcastic retort—much to his annoyance. "How did Buer find out about your reincarnation? And how is he here in the first place? Last I checked he'd been sent into The Abyss—as a result of you I might add."

Bill's eyes widened. "Wait, you don't _know?_ I-I assumed you reincarnated him!"

"I did not."

"Then…" Bill's voice trailed off, but he and the Axolotl had the same question in mind; _"who did?"_

"I will find out who it was," Axolotl said, answering the unsaid question. "In the meantime, let's talk about you; what part of _'draw as little attention to yourself as possible'_ evaded your mind's grasp, Bill?" The judgmental tone in Axolotl's voice made Bill shrink slightly like a reprimanded child.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Bragging about your intelligence—going as far as to state that you saw colors that man could not—is hardly nothing when you have enemies, Bill."

"Oh! You saw _that_ but not Buer cornering me 'till the last second?!"

"I happened to stop watching you after you fell asleep."

"Wow! Just wow!"

"I loathe to break it to you, but you are not as interesting as you imagine you are, Bill."

"Oh, screw _you._ Besides, it's hardly my fault! I didn't know there were reincarnated versions of my enemies looking to kill me!"

"That's hardly an excuse. You know full well that some of your enemies are still alive."

Bill thought back to the Pines family and seethed in agreement.

Axolotl then sighed and shook his head before leaping off the desk and on to the tiled floor. "I will take me leave; I must find this third-party reviver."

"Whatever," Bill grumbled, face flushed at his still stinging verbal lashing.

A small portal opened up in front of the Axolotl and he turned to Bill. "I implore you, Bill, _please_ don't draw attention to yourself; I can't always guarantee being able to rescue you."

" _Again_ Axolotl, you wouldn't _have_ to save me if you gave me my powers back!" Bill all but whined.

Axolotl gave Bill look of slight annoyance, brows furrowed lightly before stating. "Then give me a reason to."

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

The car ride home was silent and tense, just like the ride to the school. Emmett glanced at Bill ever so often in the rear-view mirror and Bill glared back.

 _Give me a reason to._

Bill gritted his teeth. Stupid salamander.

Now that the threat of not only the Bill Cipher of this universe, but enemies of old had become _very_ real, having his magic back was practically vital! He couldn't stay in the weak sack of meat and not have a way to defend himself. Like Axolotl said, there was no guarantee a deus ex machina would happen again from him or anyone else.

…he supposed there was no choice then.

As the car came to a slow halt in the Pines' residence and the two males exited the vehicle, Bill marched to his father and wrapped his arms around his waist.

Emmett immediately stiffened and looked down at Bill with wide eyes.

With a forced awkward grin, Bill choked out, "Thank…you…for the ride—" Bill swallowed thickly before adding, "Father."

Emmett opened and closed his mouth repeatedly as Bill walked into the house, shuddering in disgust. Awful, _Awful._ The Axolotl was truly evil! He had to do things like _that_ to get his magic back?! ARGH!

"Matthew!" Emmett called.

Bill turned back around with a scowl.

Emmett opened and closed his mouth again before saying, "Thank you—I-I mean—you're welcome."

Bill shrugged carelessly before continuing his trek up the stairs and into his bedroom where he fished out a familiar notebook.

He had hoped the Axolotl was watching, but if he wasn't, Bill would make sure he was aware of every bile inducing deed he committed.

Tearing out the first page filled with murder plots for the Pines Twins (he didn't need it anymore, after all). Bill stared at the new blank page as he trotted back down the stairs and onto the living room carpet.

Shooting Star and Pine Tree were there, unrolling rolls of toilet and wrapping it around each other with cheerful giggles. Bill watched them…he didn't know why but there was something about the ludicrous act that—

Ugh. Great. Now he was getting sappy.

Tearing his eyes away from the twins, Bill took out his pen and wrote down GOOD DEEDS in capital letters.

 _Good Cipher._ Bill sighed outload. He couldn't believe _he_ of all people was doing this. After some more hesitation, Bill wrote down, _Said thank you_ underneath the title.

And after some thought, added, _called Emmett "father"_ underneath it.

Bill smiled with satisfaction there! He should _at least_ get his telekinesis back because of that!

Beside him Shooting Star gurgled, and the demon looked up.

The one-year-old gave him a grin, clapping her chubby hands together. Pines Tree looked confused but clapped too for seemingly no reason.

Bill smiled back for some reason.

 **AN: Banter is truly my favorite thing to write! It's just so fun and really gets those juices flowing!**

 **Anyway, next chapter will include another time jump, meaning the town of Gravity Falls Oregon is not too far away now!**

 **The ending theme for today's chapter is "To Love's End" from the Inuyasha soundtrack! *NASTOLGIA INTENSIFIES***

 **I know, I know, Bill almost got killed by a demon and JUST learned that there's probably baddies out there looking for him, BUT I feel it fits with the more innocent tone of the chapter's end!**

 **Finally, Buer is a demon thing I found on Wikipedia. I literally have no specifics on him, guys. I was just, "Hey! This guy looks messed up!" And put him in the story, lol. So, if I messed up his powers or the way he walks or talks or stuff like that, I wouldn't know!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	7. Chapter 7: A Plethora of Questions

**AN: Happy International Women's Day to all me fellow gal readers/writers!**

 **Yeah, so, I'm going to start replying to reviews through PM because I REALLY want you guys to know how much your support means to me!**

 **Though Lord Demolitions, I must say that is quite a grand idea you got there! There is one part of your idea that I have already plotted out; that with certain powerful beings being opposites of one another to keep universal balance, but you have given me a lot to think about! If I use any of your ideas, I'll be sure to credit you!**

 **Anywho, I had more POV jumping in this chapter because about a year ago I read (and hated everything about) Rick Riordan's "Trials of Apollo" and know from experience that while it can be entertaining at first, after a while, being trapped in the mind of an egotistical whiny god throwing a never-ending pity-party can REALLY grate on the nerves.**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoy my Faller brethren! Let us start, chapter seven!**

 **Chapter Seven: A Plethora of Questions**

The week that followed was a mixture of good and bad.

On one hand, to say that Buer hadn't seriously shaken Bill up was an understatement. The demon had reluctantly gone to school the day after and was paranoid of the teacher tremendously. He was sure _this_ man wasn't a demon, but it didn't stop Bill from masking his intelligence—something that annoyed him a lot—but he wasn't dumb enough to put pride before safety.

His paranoia didn't stop at the school though; Bill had started sprinkling salt on the doorways and window sills, hanging crucifixes in and around his bedroom, wearing his clothes inside out, tilting the picture frames on the wall, burning a log in the fireplace 24/7, and keeping rowan berry in his pocket at all times. All of it would repel a good 98% of his enemies, but it was the other 2% that had him sitting awake at night.

Although on the other hand, Bill had tried making a habit of calling Emmett "Father" and had even extended the courtesy to Ellie, calling her "Mother". Strangely, the woman had burst into happy tears, hugged him tighter than ever before, bought him five new toys, and gave him cream sugar strawberries and cake for dinner.

Then there was his progress on making the twins his minions. Yes, it was slow progress, but it was still _progress._ Shooting Star _finally_ had learned that grabbing Bill's hair was a no-no thanks to a few angry looks, shouting, and leaving her alone in random rooms as punishment—the household learned early on the if Mabel was left alone anywhere she'd cry in despair until someone came for her.

Pine Tree was more stubborn, but he'd some around eventually.

 _On top of_ all that, Bill had a whopping ten good deeds on his notepad. If he could get the Axolotl to come, Bill would have his magic back and it would go back to the way things were before!

Currently, Bill was on his stomach watching _Boy Meets World_ on the television, trying to ignore the smell of Ellie changing the twins' diaper on the nearby sofa. Couldn't she do it someplace else? Yeesh!

He wanted to give her a piece of his mind… _but,_ he would refrain from doing so; he was sure holding his tongue was also a good deed. Bill then lit up and wrote his eleventh deed, _"Didn't comment on annoying habits"._

"So, Matthew," Ellie sad suddenly. "I'm sure you're aware that your Dad's been slightly mistrustful of you ever since the knife misunderstanding a year ago." Ellie finishing with Shooting Star's diaper and kissing the baby on the forehead. The baby gurgled in response.

Bill rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder to see the woman placing the twins on the carpeted floor.

"So? I don't care what he thinks," Bill said, moving his leg away from Pine Tree's biting mouth.

"Well, I do! I want our family to happy and the only way to do that is to have absolute trust and love between _all_ of us; that includes you and your father, m'kay?"

The demon sighed and turned back to the television, putting the volume up with the remote. "Again, I couldn't care less about Em— _father's_ happiness," Bill said, flinching a little. That still sounded weird to say. _Father._ Blegh.

Ellie stood in front of the visual contraption and crouched in front of her son. "But you care about _my_ happiness? Right?"

Bill hesitated slightly at that. He _did_ like getting hugs from Ellie and seeing her sing to pop songs and recording him doing mundane everyday tasks while prattling on about how lucky she was to be a mother.

Realizing she was still waiting for an answer, Bill cleared his throat and said, "I don't know." He paused again. _What?_ "I don't know"?! He'd meant to say _no!_ What the heck was happening to him?

"Close enough," Ellie chirped, patting Bill on the head. "Your father and I are going on a little outing and he's going to hire a babysitter. I want you, Mattie Bear, to be on your best behavior and try having fun with your baby siblings! If all goes well your Father will gain some more faith in you _and_ I'll get you another treat! Deal?"

Bill thought momentarily, _not_ using his parents' escapade to bend the twins into shape sounded like a huge waste. However, he wanted his powers back much more than he wanted baby minions…and being good was well, _good_ correct?

"Alright…mother," Bill said, flinching again.

Ellie sighed happily murmuring, _"Mother…"_ under her breath before twirling off with a giggle.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

In the evening after his parents left and the babysitter was due to come soon, Bill lay in his bedroom, notepad in hand and a grin on his face. Beside him, Shooting Star was kicking in the air on her back and Pine Tree was staring calculatedly at the notepad Bill was holding as if trying to decipher it. Bill figured having them there with him would help his case that he was well deserving of his magic.

"Oooookay, Axolotl! I'm _pretty sure_ once you see all my progress you'll be giving me my magic back!" Bill called in a sing song voice. He sat up and glanced at the door to make sure it was truly closed before lying back down.

" _Well,_ color me in intrigued," a voice said from beside Bill.

The demon yelled in surprise, rolling off the bed and wincing as he hit the ground and crushed the rowan berry in his pocket.

"Ee?" Shooting Star called, crawling to the edge of the bed and looking down at him with large ice blue eyes.

Bill flushed in embarrassment and quickly crawled onto the bed where Axolotl was fondly tickling underneath Pine Tree's chin. He was in his human form, though he was no longer wearing a pinstriped suit but a ridiculous embellished green one that reminded Bill of a leprechaun.

"What's with the get up?" Bill demanded, sitting atop the bed and looking Axolotl up and down.

"I can ask you the same question," Axolotl said gesturing to the rowan berries salt and crucifixes that hung from Bill's pastel yellow walls.

Bill flushed lightly and crossed his arms, forcing a scowl onto his face. "I-I need to make sure I'm protected! Anyway, did you see all the good deeds I've been doing?"

Axolotl turned to Bill and rose an eyebrow. _"All?_ You mean to say you've done _one?"_

"Yes!" Bill exclaimed indignantly as he shoved his notepad in the Axolotl's face.

The Axolotl took the notepad and stopped tickling Pine Tree, his vivid green eyes skimming down the page. With every second the lizard god's face was becoming more and more amused and Bill fought the urge to snap at him.

"Well?" Bill asked after the Axolotl put the pad down. "Can I have my magic back now?" He pulled Shooting Star into his lap and mentally commanded her to zap him with her boundless persuasion.

The Axolotl closed his eyes and chuckled lightly. "I don't think so."

"Well, why not?!" Bill cried heatedly, accidently squeezing Shooting Star in the process. She shrieked and quickly squirmed out of his grasp, crawling towards Pine Tree.

"Two reasons, Bill. All, all of these _good deeds,_ are just instances you were being polite."

"So?! That's good, isn't it?"

"Of course, it is! And I'm proud of you, I truly am! But that is just common respect; saying 'thank you' calling your parents by their titles…that's just your place as a moral person!"

Bill's eyes widened and he clenched the comforters before stammering, "But…but, but, but! I _need_ my powers, Axolotl! If Buer knew I was back how many of my other enemies know?! What if Agares tries to bury me alive in an earthquake?! What if Jareth tries to kidnap me in my sleep?! I need to be ready!"

The Axolotl gave Bill a pitying look, placing a gentle hand on Bill's shoulder. The demon scowled and spun away, jerking out of the grip. "I _hate_ being this feeble! You don't know how it feels to suddenly be on top of the world and suddenly be _beneath it!"_

"…is being a human _that_ bad, Bill?" Axolotl asked.

Bill spun angrily and glared at him. "Yes!" He snapped emphatically. "Because from now 'till the end of my pathetically short life spam I'll have a painted target on my back! Even more so with all my enemies and without my magic!"

Bill's quivering form fell back on the bed and hugged himself. "I'm Bill Cipher…I'm supposed to be all powerful, all mighty." He put his hands above of his face, clenching and unclenching them. "But instead I'm _this."_

He let them drop them and they bounced lightly on the mattress. "You don't understand."

A light sigh echoed through the little room before the Axolotl said, "You're right. I don't understand what you're feeling Bill but that's hardly an excuse to be obnoxious with the people around you."

Bill scoffed and covered his arm with his face.

"If you just _embraced_ being human—"

"I DON'T WANT TO!" Bill screamed in Axolotl's face suddenly as he bolted to his knees and gritted his teeth. "You don't even appreciate my progress! You won't even give me a _taste_ of familiarity; you won't give my powers back!"

"That…goes to my next point, Bill. When you do good deeds, you have to _mean it._ I don't want you to do morally good things with your magic in mind. I want you to do it because you genuinely believe it's right! Because you _want_ to do it! Not because you _have_ to."

Axolotl sat up and returned his hand on Bill, but this time it landed on his cheek. "You're amazing at being spontaneous, Bill! Show it to me in a positive light!"

Bill opened his mouth, ready to angrily verbally lash Axolotl's face off when the door banged open.

" _There!_ You kids are—!" The babysitter, a tall girl with short brown hair, paused as she saw the Axolotl. The two stared shocked at one another before the girl exclaimed. "What the hell?!"

Axolotl regained himself, clearing his throat and slipping off the bed. He held up his hands and clapped twice sending a shockwave through the ground.

The girl gasped and squeezed her eyes shut, hair billowing in an invisible wind. When she and Bill turned back to the bed, the Axolotl was gone.

"Where was I?" The girl said, blinking twice and turning to Matthew. "Oh! That's right! Alright, my name is May. I'm your babysitter."

Bill barely heard her and instead looked back to where the Axolotl had been. He was _relatively_ sure it was a simple mind wipe, but he was hoping it hadn't been a bad one. The last thing he needed was more attention on him due to May or his parents thinking Axolotl was a robber or kidnapper.

"Matthew? That's your name, right?" May asked

"Yeah, and I guess your some boring-girl-in-a-movie reject," Bill said, crossing his arms.

May squinted. "…excuse me?"

Pine Tree made a noise and held up the notepad, squinting at it and flipping it around. Right…good deeds. _Proper_ good deeds or whatever that was.

"It was a joke," Bill said finally, forcing a smile. "Yes, I'm Matthew, and these are my siblings."

May paused at Bill's sudden change in mood before saying, "I'm going to be doing some homework, is it okay if you kids watch TV?"

"Sure!" Bill said in an overly chirpy voice and scowled. _Ugh, too much…_

He scooped Shooting Star in one hand and Pine Tree in the other, passing May and walking down the stairs with the cooing babies.

Plopping on to the ugly mud brown carpet, he placed the twin down and turned on the TV.

"Right," he muttered to himself. "Be nice, be polite, do spontaneously good things, and don't do this with your powers in mind! Wow! _Thanks Axolotl!_ _ **WHAT A PIECE OF CAKE!"**_

The TV exploded in a shower of sparks causing both Bill and his siblings to cry out in horror.

May ran into the room in a panic yelling, "What the hell happened?!"

Bill stared gap mouthed at the destruction as Pine Tree's face plopped onto his lap, staring at the broken TV sideways. "Trouble," the one-year-old said.

Bill glared down at him. "Shut. Up."

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

The Axolotl invisibly roamed the streets of Piedmont in his lizard form, dodging pedestrians and stretching his magic taught around the planet as he hovered in the air.

He was beginning his search on Earth, but he had so far not sensed a single supernatural being with nearly enough power to reincarnate or revive something. Still, there was the possibility that this powerful entity was hiding themselves from him; it wouldn't hurt to be thorough.

But then again, what if they weren't on Earth at all? What if he was wasting time? Bill's life was on the line after all. He _could_ ask for some help, but he was certain every other god had their own problems and he was acutely sure they didn't care for Bill's wellbeing anyhow. _Then_ there was the fact that putting so much time in finding this entity instead of keeping an eye on Bill could put him in mortal danger not too different from his encounter with Buer.

Axolotl sighed. Lovely.

And then he felt it; a blast of sickly dark energy that pulsed and oozed with power, writhing around like inky snakes. It made the Axolotl shudder as he used his magic to pinpoint the power properly, finding its root in Japan. He tried to narrow down the location, but the dark energy disappeared, almost as if it never happened.

"Just my luck," Axolotl sighed once more.

Well, at the very least he had an idea where this entity was—he just hoped it was an actual Japanese creature and not a creature non-native to the island taking a vacation there; then he'd back at square one.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

Emmett hadn't felt this free and ages.

Not having to be around his possibly sociopathic child was painfully draining—especially with that wicked vocabulary he couldn't keep up with…ugh.

While he drove with one hand, the other was clasping his wife's. They were swaying to some pop song Emmett didn't even like, but he was dancing to it anyway; Ellie' happiness was utterly contagious.

At a red light, he turned to look at her and smiled broadly at the love in her eyes. It was almost magical that she had chosen him over her long-time sweetheart! Every time he remembered that it made hi heart clench in happiness.

He was about to say something to her when his cellphone buzzed from within his pocket.

Making sure the light was still red, Emmett took out his phone and pressed the talk button. "Yellow?"

"Um…Mr. Pines?" May said timidly on the other end.

Emmett sighed heavily. "What did he do?"

"Okay, well, I don't if he did it _per say_. He looked like super surprised when it happened, but then again he was screaming about this thing called an axolotl and BOOM the TV exploded."

Emmett threw his head back and groaned loudly, blocking out any other words May was telling him.

"What happened?" Ellie asked worriedly beside him.

Emmett quickly said he'd talk to May later before hanging up and turning to his wife. "The TV exploded."

" _What?"_

"And May speculates it was Matthew's fault, but she doesn't know for sure. He was screaming about an axolotl though—what's in axolotl anyway?"

Ellie tilted her head to the side in thought as the light changed and the cars drove forwards. "I think it's a lizard or something. They were pests on my old home—they'd always show up and I remember my older brother _really_ hated them."

"Like uncle like nephew?" Emmett said.

"I'd say so, yeah." Ellie nodded. "And it's more than the axolotl thing they have in common, I recall that…" her voice trailed off and her eyes gave a faraway look.

"El?" Emmett questioned, squeezing her hand as her breathing increased. "Ellie, what's going on with you?"

Suddenly, an agonized scream tore through her throat.

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

The Axolotl sat in another dimension, golden sun beamed down at him and impossibly green grass fluttered in a light breeze as he watched Bill from a small portal.

He had felt his soul's energy flare for a brief moment, and Axolotl had feared that he had been in danger. Thankfully, it didn't seem so.

Bill was currently sitting on the carpet, flipping through his notebook and scratching things down with a pen

Dipper was lying beside him blinking at him curiously as Mabel crawled onto Bill's lap. The demon's brow furrowed for a few seconds before he sighed and went back to his notebook.

Axolotl smiled. Soon, he was sure Bill would be ready for some sort of magic.

That smile faded as he felt the air prickle with magic. Axolotl closed the portal and turned around, coming face to face with the large form of Time Baby.

"AXOLOTL," he boomed. "THERE YOU ARE! I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU."

"Time Baby," Axolotl said, growing in size so he could speak to his peer face to face. "Is something wrong?"

Time Baby sighed heavily and crossed his chubby arms. "UNFORTUNATELY, YES. A POOP FACE DID SOMETHING TO THE INFINITE TIMELINES."

"What?!" Axolotl exclaimed. How did someone— _why_ would someone take the time to tamper with _infinite_ timelines?! "What did they do?!"

"IT IS CURIOUS. THEY GAVE AN UNALTERABLE DESTINY TO ONE INDIVIDUAL. THE ONLY REASON FOR THIS I CAN THINK OF IS SOME SORT OF PETTY REVENGE."

Axolotl was silent for a moment, thoughts drifting to the mass of inky power he had felt just recently. "The individual with the Unalterable Destiny—who is it?" He asked finally.

"A CERTAIN PRICILLA ELANORE PINES; 21st CENTURY," Time Baby responded.

"Oh dear…" Axolotl muttered. He turned away from lizard opened a portal, peering in to see a rattled looking Ellie stagger in with her husband into the Pines' residence.

"But…why?"

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

That night, Ellie sat at the very edge of the bed as far as possible from her husband. Though he said nothing, she could still feel the hurt and worry radiating from him. A part of her felt awful, but another part didn't care.

She clenched the white comforters and squeezed her eyes shut. Something was _wrong._ That garbled nonsense that penetrated into her head—whatever it did—

Ellie felt Emmett place a delicate hand on her shoulder and she had to force herself to remain still and not push it off, but it was hard—it was almost as if the part of her that loved Emmett had been scooped out of her soul and taken away.

 _That's not true._ She told herself. _I love him. I love him. I love him._

"What's wrong, Ellie?" Emmett asked quietly. "You're so distant."

Ellie was silent for a long time before answering, "I don't know."

… **A-X-O-L-O-T-L…**

 **AN: And we're done!**

 **The ending theme for this chapter is, the "Vah Ruta Dungeon Theme" from Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild. Yes, I play Zelda! And no, I don't care WHAT anyone says; I loved the story in that game!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	8. Chapter 8: Grandma's House

**Chapter Eight: Grandma's House**

Bill awoke with the sound of light breathing beside him. There was a nano second of fear that rocketed into his system, shaking his limbs and causing him to quiver—until he smelt the familiar rose scented perfume. It was faded and clearly hadn't been put on recently, but Bill could recognize it in a heartbeat.

The demon relaxed, rolling to his side to come face to face with his slumbering mother. Her hair fell lightly over her face and a wistful faraway smile graced her beautiful features.

Bill felt himself smiling at that; even in sleep she was happy.

There was a sharp beat of his heart, its pulse loud and foreboding in Bill's ear as a swift sharp pain twisted his insides.

He looked away and gasped, and let out a chuckle at the shiver inducing pain.

"Bill," an urgent voice echoed across the room.

Bill blinked the sleep from his eyes, sliding off his bed and looking around, "Axolotl?"

A portal the size of a baseball opened beneath the ceiling and out jumped The Axolotl, landing nimbly atop Bill's pyjama clad shoulder.

"I want you to answer this bluntly—do you have any enemies that reside in Japan, use dark magic, and have the power to not only revive but assign Unalterable Destinies to people?" Axolotl asked in a rush.

"Is there a reason for this very specific question?" Bill asked, eyebrows raised to his hairline.

"Please, just answer the question!" Axolotl exclaimed. Him being so close to Bill's ear made the demand all the more urgent sounding.

"Alright! Alright! Erm, let's see...no, not that I know of. I mean there _is_ Walpurgisnacht—she has an _ungodly_ obsession with destroying pretty cities for some reason—Tokyo included—and she is—I'll begrudgingly admit—pretty powerful but I don't think she's _Unalterable Destiny_ powerful."

"Are you sure?" The Axolotl pressed in desperation as he began to pace back and forth on Bill's shoulder, causing him to giggle at the tickling.

"Okay— _tee hee!—_ what's with the—BAHAHA! Stop it!" Bill grabbed The Axolotl and placed him atop his night stand. The demon plopped onto the bed with the still sleeping Ellie as Axolotl said, "Oh...my apologies."

Bill batted a hand. "I'm fine! Anyway what's got your goody-two-shoes in a twist? You seem _very_ agitated."

Axolotl sighed. "Some entity has placed an Unalterable Destiny yesterday."

"Ooh!" Bill said, eyes alight with excitement as he clapped his hands. "That spell hasn't been used since World War II! Who did it this time?" Bill paused before a broad grin spread across his face. "Did someone anger you so much that your broke the Multiversal Laws again, Axolotl and this whole powerful Japanese dwelling boogieman of yours is just an excuse to run to me for aid?"

Bill's grin quickly faded when the energy in the room crackled with eldritch power. "This is _not_ a joke, Bill. If I don't find this trouble maker before they cast that spell again, who knows what they'd do next?! Something catastrophic might happen!"

"Okay...okay. Yeesh," Bill grumbled as the flaring energy subsided and Axolotl sighed for the second time. "What does this person, monster, demon, whatever, have to do with me anyway?"

Axolotl looked up at Bill, and sighed yet again. "It is your mother who has been cursed."

All joviality left Bill's demeanour immediately as his head snapped towards his sleeping mother. Ellie? An Unalterable Destiny? But why? What was going to happen to her? Was she doomed to die a painful death? Would she do something she'd forever regret?

His heart rammed against his rib cage like an angry beast roaring for freedom. Adrenaline shot threw his veins and chilled him from the inside out.

"No..." Bill whispered, his voice rose an octave as he whirled back to look at Axolotl. "No! There has to be—!"

"We can't do anything, Bill," Axolotl said sadly. "It is Unalterable."

"But, but, but, there has to be—!"

That sharp stabbing pain returned and Bill cried out, falling off the bed and hitting the ground with a thud.

"Bill!" Axolotl exclaimed. He leaped from the night table and next to the blonde demon. "Are you alright?"

"Ngh, heh..." Bill forced a laugh as he clutching his chest. "Mm fine...just a cramp...hrk!"

Axolotl placed a webbed little hand atop Bill's head. "Oh, no, no, no. This wasn't supposed to—"

"Mattie Bear?"

Axolotl gasped and quickly jumped behind the nightstand just as Ellie peered over the edge of the bed to see a groaning Bill.

"Matthew!" She cried, falling to her knees and wrapping the boy in her arms. "Are you okay? Did you fall? What happ—Matthew?"

Bill squeezed his mother tight, face buried into her chest. Someone did something to her...soon he'd probably say goodbye to her warm hugs her cooing her coddling her dancing her singing her camcorder-ing.

The demon felt dread pool in his stomach like cold slime. It was a similar dread to what he had felt when he had entered Stanley's mind by mistake and realized his error.

But it wasn't for him this time—not really.

"Matthew? Is something the matter?" Ellie asked worriedly, stroking Bill's back up and down.

Bill squeezed her tighter, biting his lip and whimpering. "I—Everything," Bill whispered. "Everything."

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Even to Shooting Star and Pine Tree, the invisible chasm between Ellie and Emmett was noticeable.

Emmett's smiles to his wife became sad, pleading, and Ellie's smiles to her husband were distant, forced.

Shooting Star wouldn't stop asking what was wrong and pitiful Pine Tree who had yet to say a single sentence had started eyeing his parents as if they were another equation to solve.

Then there was the fact that every night—every night—Emmett would take Ellie on a date, leaving Bill and the twins with May. Even if he always came back looking defeated, even if Ellie continued to sleep anywhere but with him, he always insisted on trying again to rekindle a spark. And Ellie would always comply.

Bill had a sinking suspicion that this had everything to do with Axolotl's Boogieman.

What was going to happen to his mother? Did she have depression now? Would he wake up one day to see her dead?

Bill couldn't stop imagining it, her ice blue eyes loosing their light...looking on forever into nothingness—

"Unicorn," Shooting Star said, snapping Bill out of his thoughts as he lay on the sofa staring up at the ceiling.

He turned to see his little sister toddling towards him with her favourite picture book in hand; The First Unicorn.

Bill sighed and turned away from her. "Can't you ask Mother and Emmett before they leave?"

"Unicorn," Shooting Star insisted, pushing the book in Bill's face. "Unicorn, Ma-ee?"

Bill looked back at the toddler. "You're not leaving, are you?"

Shooting Star shook her head.

The demon graced a sigh and sat up, patting the seat next to him.

The two-year-old heaved herself atop the sofa and rolled to sit next to her brother who was flipping threw the pages and squinted at the words in disgust.

From what he could tell, it was a book about a whiny unicorn who hated herself and tried a multitude of different spells to make herself feel better—of course at the she learns to love herself—blah, blah, blah.

"What _is_ this trash? Ugh," Bill tossed the book behind his back.

"Ma-ee! Unicorn!" Shooting Star cried sadly.

"Nope. Changed my mind."

Shooting Star's lip began to quiver, her eyes becoming wider and glistening with tears before she let out a loud wail.

Bill screamed back and covered his ears to drown out the annoying sound and the toddler wailed even louder.

Before Bill could decided whether or not to drop kick his sister to the stratosphere, Pine Tree toddled in and placed a hand on his sister's shoulder.

"Tag," he said simply.

Shooting Star stopped crying abruptly and giggled cheerfully as she slid off the sofa and ran away, Pine Tree tried to follow, fell on his face, and continued his pursuit cheerfully.

Seeing she was occupied for now, Bill escaped the living room and ran into the kitchen. He stopped abruptly when he saw his parents in the middle of an argument.

"What do you mean not tonight?" Emmett exclaimed.

"We've been going out everynight for the past six goddamn months!" Ellie yelled. "I'm not in the mood this time!"

Silence. Bill watched them, they stood opposite sides of the dining table, glaring at each other before Emmett's more and more frequent pleading smile came back. "One more night."

Ellie stared at her husband for a few moments before nodding. "Fine. One more night."

Emmett beamed. "Alright, then! I'll just call up May!"

Bill then left as Emmett took out his flip phone and began eagerly typing a phone number. He supposed this would be the last day of the status quo for so long—and he was afraid what this meant for his mother.

"Wait, WHAT?" Emmett yelled from the kitchen, causing Bill and his siblings to pause—Bill on the way to the stairs, and the twins playing tag.

"What's wrong?" Ellie asked.

"She can't make it! Jesus Christ of all the days—!"

"Can't we get a new babysitter?"

"May was babysitting since she was fourteen, she was the only veteran I could find! No way I'm letting some newcomer touch our kids."

"What about your Uncle Stanford?"

Bill flinched at that and gritted his teeth. No way, no freaking way was he going to be babysitted by that—

Deeming the conversation boring, the twins resumed their game and bumped into Bill as they ran past.

"Sorwy Ma-ee!" Shooting Star said as she and her brother ran off. Bill glared at them before turning his attention back to the conversation.

Emmett took a deep breath. "You think he'd want to drive all the way here for one night? I dunno."

Bill sighed in relief.

"What about your parents? The kids haven't seen them in a while."

"Ugh, went on a vacation to Grenada."

There was pause, before Emmett said, "I know you don't want to here this but...what about your Mom—?"

"No." The venom in Ellie's voice made Bill and Emmett flinch.

"But—"

"No."

"Oh come on, Elle! Let bygones be bygones—"

"That's not for you to decide!"

The couple went back to glaring at each other, before Ellie glanced at Bill without an ounce of surprise on her face. "Do you think you can watch your siblings, Matthew?"

Emmett glanced at Matthew and blinked twice in shock before crying, "Ellie are you serious?! He's five for Christ sake!"

"Turning six soon," Ellie pointed out.

"And that's better? Is risking the kids hurting themselves or something hurting them more pleasing to you than seeing your family again?" Emmett demanded. He glanced once again at Bill before looking back at his wife.

The demon couldn't help but feel as if he was being added to the "something hurting them" category.

Ellie clenched her jaw and rocked back and forth on her heels. "We can do this tomorrow—"

"Ellie, please," Emmett said, grabbing his wife's shoulder. "I-I want this to work and if we don't spend every moment of our days fixing this then it could fall apart!"

Ellie took a deep breath and walked out of the kitchen. "Fine," was her only response as she stormed up the stairs.

"Ellie, oh come on, don't be like that!" Emmett cried running after her.

Bill watched his parents' retreating form. He couldn't remember a day in his life that she was this angry—

The twins bumped into him again.

"Oof!" Pine Tree said as he fell on his face and Shooting Star stumbled to her knees.

"Sowey—EEEK!"

The twins giggled loudly from underneath their brother who had angrily lunged atop them. Bill pauses, blinking twice in surprise and getting off them. "Do you two think pain is hilarious?"

"What hairy-us?" Shooting Star asked curiously.

"It's hilarious and it means 'funny'," Bill stated, feeling delighted that he could finally share his intelligence with people who weren't disguised as monsters.

"I like!" Shooting Star cheered, getting to her feet and chanting "Hairy-us, hairy-us!"

As Pine Tree also wobbled to his feet, Ellie returned downstairs with car keys in hand.

"Let's go," she said shortly.

"Where are we going?" Bill asked following after the woman.

Ellie took in a deep breath and glared into the distance.

"To Grandma's house."

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

The drive to Ellie's mother's house was frustratingly long and tense.

It did not help that Shooting Star was still chanting "Hairy-us" within her car seat. The fact that she was sitting between Bill and Pine Tree was even worse.

"Mabel, sweetie. Can you stop that now?" Ellie called from the front.

"'Kay," she answered and went silent.

Bill scowled. "Why don't you listen to me like that?!"

"'Cause you mean."

"What? No I'm not—!"

"And here we are!" Emmett said loudly, pulling into the driveway of a small white house.

Bill was immediately drawn to the bright green lawn. The walkway was lined with plenty of porcelain statues of angels and religious figures. A red crucifix adorned the wooden stilts the house stood on and had glowing lightbulbs flickering. A long, long wooden staircase lead up to the front door.

Ellie let out a low growl before throwing open the door and storming out.

"Trouble," Pine Tree said. Emmett sighed. "Very true, buddy."

Bill slid out of his seat and Emmett helped the twins out as he followed Ellie up the rickety wooden stairs. Bill feared her stomping would snap the wooden floorboards beneath their feet.

Once they'd reached the door, Emmett and the twins had finally caught up. Ellie banged the door with her fist and glared at it as if hoping to burn a hole through it.

"Elle...you could've just stayed in the car—"

"No. I have some words I want to share with mother dearest," Ellie replied darkly.

Bill was curious as to what bad blood her mother and she shared and why it made the bubbly Ellie into an angry mad woman.

A second passed, then two. Finally, the sound of a lock being turned could be heard.

The door opened, and a woman stepped out. She was clearly an older woman but her beauty was still present. She shared Ellie's ice blue eyes and thin nose, but her eyes were round, her face defined and her hair was blonde.

The woman looked confused for a moment before her eyes fell on Ellie, widening in shock. "Priscilla?" She whispered, stepping forward. Ellie took a step back.

Bill looked up at his mother but her anger was gone, replaced with sadness and hurt. "Mother," She said tightly. "These are your grandkids. Treat them good. I'm gone."

"Priscilla—!"

Ellie sped walked down the stairs and her family stared back at her in shock.

Emmett turned back to the woman and cleared his throat loudly. "Lovely to see you again, Ariel." He quickly dashed down the steps after his wife, leaving his children alone on the porch.

Bill furrowed his brow. "Priscilla? Since was her name Priscilla?" He demanded to nobody in particular. Pine Tree shrugged in response anyway.

Ariel's face quickly morphed from hurt to irritation. "Doesn't talk to me in _years_ and just drops her children on my doorstep! Hasn't changed all, that girl..."

Her face morphed once more as she turned to the Pines siblings and crouched to their height. "Hello there, little ones! I'm your grandmother."

"We gathered, lady," Bill said with a scoff.

Ariel blinked twice at the tone of his voice before smiling once more and gesturing into the house. "Well? Come along!"

Shooting Star eagerly ran in, and after a second of hesitation, so did Pine Tree. Bill glanced once at his smiling grandmother before following after them.

The inside of the house was dark and gloomy. Like the porch outside it was covered in dark wood, and the lightbulbs that swung from the beamed ceiling did a poor job at brightening the area.

"So!" Ariel said, closing the door behind her. The house darkened even more and from the corner of his eye, Bill saw the twins clutch each others shirts in fear.

"I know this isn't the prettiest place ever but I promise you, it's charming!" Ariel continued, gesturing the siblings down the hallway.

Looking around, Bill noticed that there were no doors he could find. It was just the same dark wood coated with a flickering yellow. It was relatively unnerving he found.

"There's a toy room I'm sure you kiddies will enjoy—it's _just_ down here—oh, but maybe toys are too old for you, aye, Matthew?"

Bill stopped in his tracks and glared at Ariel's back. "How did you know my name? I thought you and Mother didn't speak."

Ariel glanced at Bill over her shoulder with a light smile. "Priscilla always spoke of having a handsome baby boy named Matthew. I just assumed."

"You didn't assume Pine Tree," Bill said slowly. He was already feeling dread eat at his insides. Was Ariel another in disguise bastard after him?

The woman turned around fully and rose an eyebrow. "Pine Tree?"

Bill tilted his head towards the mentioned, who was standing completely straight. Beside him Shooting Star shuffled inpatiently.

"Ah. Your brother! Well he isn't nearly as handsome, is he?"

Bill couldn't help but smile snugly at that compliment. His suspicion quickly went to the back of his mind as they all once again began moving.

"My sons—your uncles—are coming over today. I'm sure they'll be _elated_ to see you—oh here we are!"

Shooting Star and Pine Tree instantly perked up and ran into the surprisingly large playroom. It was so much brighter than the hallway that is was extremely jarring; the walls were a vivid sunshine yellow and the pot lights above shown brightly. A ball pit sat in the centre and there was a play chest nearby stuffed with toys.

"Well! Enjoy," Ariel smiled and turned on her heel, singing a song that Bill immediately recognized.

 _"I've got a damn ukulele_

 _That I really can't play..."_

"Ma-ee!" Shooting Star called from the ball pit. "Come pway! It's hairy-us!"

Bill rolled his eyes and walked towards them. "It's _hilarious,_ Shooting Star."

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Axolotl had two portals open, one he used to watch Bill, the other he used to watch his parents.

Ellie and Emmett sat stiffly in front of each other, barely speaking a word.

Axolotl sighed. It seemed whoever the Unalterable Destiny caster was attacking Bill through the one person he seemed to be starting to love.

But what exactly—

He felt a familiar blast of dark energy from the portal watching Bill. But as soon as it appeared, just like before it faded away.

Axolotl turned his attention to that portal, scouring for any of that power but he found none.

From the wooden steps, two men walked up the steps and knocked on the door. It was opened by an older blonde woman who embraced them tightly and gestured for them to come inside.

Where had _that_ come from?

 **AN: OOF**

 **How long has it been? Three weeks? I'm so sorry guys! I've had a bit of personal issues I had to deal with and I hadn't been in the writing mood. Next update should be quicker though!**

 **Anyway, this chapter was more of a drama esque thing but I promise next chapter will be action esque!**

 **The ending theme for today is "That's Us" by Anson Seabra!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	9. Chapter 9: But you are

**AN: Hi! Guess what guys! I AM BREATHING!**

 **Sorry for the unintended hiatus! I was busy and stuff, buuuuuut I finally got a chapter finished WOOO!**

 **I'd like to also mention the the first LtL has now gained 1k reviews! OMG thanks guys!**

 **We're also half-way done the Childhood Arc, once again, the town of Gravity Falls is nigh!**

 **Finally, a huge thanks to all my followers and reviewers! Next chapter, I'll be sure to answer your questions but this time, I'll just cut to the chase!**

 **Chapter Nine: But you are**

Bill quickly lost interest in the playroom; the ball pit was extremely shallow which was _completely_ asinine and the toys were tear jerkingly boring—no child with even an average amount of brain cells would find toy trains, dolls, and stuffed teddy bears to be sufficient entertainment.

While Shooting Star and Pine Tree frolicked in the ball pit, giggling and throwing plastic balls against the sickly yellow walls, Bill instead opted to explore the strange narrow house. It was then where he began to feel suspicious.

As he walked down the hallway, he slid his palms against the wooden wall. He couldn't feel any doorframes, knobs, latches...absolutely nothing. Which was odd—the playroom couldn't be the _only_ room in the house! There was the architectural fact that the house's exterior clearly had windows and some width, then the practical fact that he couldn't imagine Ariel slept, ate, and entertained herself in a _playroom._

Was it magic? That was the only explanation Bill could come up with except he couldn't feel a thing! Yes, his sensitivity to magic was probably greatly weakened to due to his new and degraded flesh suit—he couldn't feel Buer's presence until it was nearly too late after all—so that didn't _necessarily_ eliminate the possibility—

Bill inhaled sharply and quickly retracted his hand from the wall as his hand began to sting with a stabbing pain. Turning his palm up, he sighed in annoyance at the splinter embedded into his pinky finger.

"...so surprised you two could make it!" Bill looked up from his punctured finger to Ariel's voice ahead of him. Her back was towards him as she spoke to whoever was at the door.

"Believe me, Mother; as am I!" A male voice chuckled at the other end of the door. As joking as the tone was, there was a biting undercurrent of aggression.

Ariel seemed to notice too, for she tensed and forced a light laugh before stepping aside.

Behind her, Bill found a man—a very, _very_ tall man staring down at him with a grin. He wore a pair of close fitting khaki pants, brown laced boots, and a blue plaid shirt. His face was round, hair black and neatly slicked back, his eyes blue, and his broad grin showcased a pair of dimples and laugh lines around his eyes as he glanced in his direction. In his hands were two bulging brown messenger bags.

"Hi there! You must be Ellie's little bundle of joy! She calls you thought _all the time,_ it's adorable!"

For some reason, hearing that made Bill fill up with pride. "Did she? Are you close?" The demon subtly cringed at the eager way he asked those questions. Good Cipher he sounded like an overly-curious kid...

"You bet your bottom dollar we are!" The man replied, crouching down to Bill's level, letting go of one of his bags and holding out a hand in greeting. "I'm your uncle, Champ! You don't have to call me uncle though; Damien is just fine!"

After some hesitation, Bill took Damien's hand as skepticism began to rise to the surface once more. The five-year-old didn't believe the man—if Mother and he were so close, why the strange panic over Bill seeing his photograph? Why wasn't he at any parties? Why was he never spoken of?

Most importantly, why was this man lying in the first place?

Damien seemed to see the wary expression on Bill's face due to the fact that his grin had lost a watt of electricity—but he didn't comment on it. Instead he just shook Bill's hand and said, "Just my luck that I'd be running into you! I came back from a worldwide expedition looking for some super special artifacts and I was going to pay Ellie a visit to meet you—but now I don't have to!"

Bill's eyes were wide as Damien spoke in a voice so fast that it sounded as if he were on a very serious sugar high—the fact that he had only sped up his handshaking supported this theory. Still, at least he wasn't some dull bore like post-fun Sixer.

"Damien, don't scare him," Ariel demanded from above.

"I'm _not,_ Mother. Am I, Matthew?" Damien asked with a raised eyebrow.

Bill shrugged and smirked after glancing at the still ongoing handshake. "I happen to prefer the eccentric over the bland."

Damien's grin regained its missing watt of electricity as the handshake got faster. "My thoughts exactly! I know this is the beginning of a very lovley and amazing relationship! Good golly am I lucky today! You know—"

"Damien. Let Ezra have a turn to introduce himself." Ariel interrupted with a steely voice, eyes narrowed at both her son and Bill.

The man's voltage went to zero as he scowled and stood up, retrieving his bag.

A voice said carelessly, "You've already said my name."

"Go on, Ezra," Damien said tightly to another man Bill didn't even know was there—he hadn't said a single word. "Tell Matthew how much of a _boot licker_ you are."

"DAMIEN!" Ariel barked, her eyes hardened, looking like the very arctic ice they were coloured after—sharp, deadly, and frigid.

Damien's face flickered with what could only be described as fear, before Ariel inhaled slowly and closed her eyes. When she opened them, a cordial smile had blossomed.

"Let's not have a conversation by the doorstep! How about we take this to the veranda? I'll get the little twins and I'll bring out some tea and cake!"

The prospect of cake brought a grin to Bill's face as well as Damien's. The other man, a messy haired brunette with the same ice blue eyes of his family, shrugged carelessly as they migrated to the veranda.

"Weren't you going to introduce yourself?" Bill questioned the silent human as he plopped onto a coushined flower patterned outdoor seat that sat in front of a glass table.

"I'm Ezra," the man said, eyeing Bill with slightly curious eyes. The demon waited for the man to elaborate on himself.

He did not.

After giving Ezra a questioning scowl at his unapologetic lack of communication, Bill yelped in surprise as Damien slammed one of his messenger bags onto the table, causing it to quiver.

"You'll break the table," Ezra said.

Damien glared at him. "No, I won't."

Ezra shrugged.

After a roll of his eyes, Damien turned his gaze back to Bill and his previous grin returned. "Wanna see the _fan_ tastic things I've collected on my trip?!"

Much to his agitation, Bill wasn't allowed to answer that, because Damien had opened up his bag and placed a simple hand held mirror onto the table.

The demon was about to say that he didn't care to see whatever foolish human souvenirs he'd brought back—until he felt the intense magical energy from the seemingly everyday object.

Bill's eyes widened, hand gingerly reaching out to brush the cold surface of its reflective plane.

"It's magic!" Bill whispered in awe.

He didn't think it was possible, but alas, Damien's grins widened even more. "You got a sense for it! Fascinating, fascinating in deed!"

"Mom'll kill you if she sees that. Probably literally," Ezra stated.

"Shut up, Ezra," Damien snapped. Although Bill could see his eyes flicker momentarily on the closed door.

Predictably, Ezra shrugged yet again. While his brother turned from the door and tapped the mirror eagerly. "I found this lovely little thing in Denmark, it's a smaller version of the Snow Queen's mirror!"

Bill's eyes widened further. "I don't believe it! That—I've never heard of a smaller version!"

"Believe it, Champ! You look in and you'll see the worst version of yourself—just like in the original mirror before those demonic idiots dropped it way back when."

Bill ignored the insult on his race before he leaned forward, grasping the silver handle, Bill peered in curiously before his face split in nostalgic delight.

Inside, he saw his old form, gold cat like eye, triangular physique, top hat and and bow tie. From the shoulders down were the familiar dark, charcoal coloured spindly arms as he giddily held up the mirror to get wider view of himself.

He looked down and kicked his legs—they were the same stupid short clad flesh covered monstrosities he knew and hated. When he looked up in the mirror, they were the same skinny dark variety of his arms. He let out a little childish giggle.

Damien chuckled. _"Golly_ I've never seen someone get so excited by their worst selves!"

Bill paused, the grin on his face freezing suddenly. "Are you...sure it doesn't show the _best_ version ofyourself?"

Damien tilted his head in confusion, taking the mirror back and looking into it himself. The man cringed in disgust before quickly giving it back to Bill. "Nope. I'm sure," he said quickly.

Bill frowned. Well _that_ didn't make any sense, how could his original self—his most _powerful_ self be his _worst_ self? What idiocy was this?

The demon scoffed and tossed the mirror back to his uncle. Damien flinched as it clattered and he quickly inspected the mirror, flinching again and placing it back down. "Careful with the stuff, Champ! You could break something!"

"It's already broken!" Bill snapped in a sour tone of voice. "There's no conceivable way that that's my worst self!"

"It's not broken; I took care of it!" Damien said in an offended tone of voice.

"Are you sure it doesn't have any other uses?" Bill pressed.

Damien thought for a moment. "Well...if there is, I'm not aware of it. That's its main purpose, Champ."

Bill was ready to argue again when the door slowly eased open and an over eager Shooting Star jumped out. "Hi! I never seen you before and I'm Mabel, Hi!" She said.

 _"Well!_ Aren't you just the cutest little thing!" Damien said, putting away the mirror and crouching next to the little midget. "Hello there! I'm your Uncle Damien!"

As the two eager people began to chat enthusiastically, Bill leaned forward once more and stared longingly into the dark depths of Damien's still opened bag—magic of all types swirling and clashing in an enticing dance. If he had a replica of a (broken) magical reality twisting mirror, what else was in there? What if something that could get his powers back was there?

Bill glanced back at Damien who was still shaking hands with Shooting Star and chatting animatedly, to the slightly ajar door where Pine Tree and Ariel had yet to emerge, and then to Ezra who just shrugged.

"Just do it. I don't even care," He said.

Taking this as confirmation that he wasn't about to be ratted out, Bill slowly slipped his hand into the bag and fished around. At the back of his mind, he could see a disappointed Axolotl, and he felt the tiniest, _tiniest_ bit of guilt—but he crushed it. Besides, it probably wasn't _that_ bad what he was doing; if there was something truly powerful enough in there that could restore his powers, the lizard would've dashed over here already.

But still, he held onto that tiny whisp of hope—especially when he touched something that sent a powerful jolt through his system.

Desperately, Bill wrapped his hands around the object. It was small, but its power was unmistakable. The demon excitedly pulled the object out and opened his palm to inspect it better, an awed breath leaving him.

It was a pitch black orb with two protruding needles on either side. The top needle had a metal feather atop it.

What fascinated Bill even more next to the intense magic was the way it pulsed like a human heart, beating in a slow, steady rhythm.

"Cake!" Shooting Star squealed and Bill quickly shoved the object into his vest pocket as Ariel and Pine Tree finally emerged from the house. Pine Tree carried a bunch of napkins and some knives, forks, and spoons, while Ariel balanced a tray of tea and porcelain cups in one hand and a cheesecake in the other.

"Damien, bag off the table," Ariel said, a hint of agitation behind her smile.

Damien grumbled under his breath at being interrupted for the second time before he zipped up his bag and placed it on the wooden porch along with his other one as Ariel and Pine Tree placed the items on the table.

"So, children, how's your father?" Ariel asked casually as she dragged a chair forward and took a seat.

Pine Tree looked down forlornly and said, "Sad."

"Sad?" Ariel asked with a frown.

"People get sad," Ezra said with a careless shrug.

"But now he sad all the time!" Shooting Star cried. "And Mommy doesn't love him no more!"

That seemed to absolutely appal Ariel. "What?!" She cried.

"Good flipping riddance I say," Damien said, taking tea for himself. "I knew he was no good for Ellie."

"Damien!" Ariel snapped.

"What did you think would happen? You'd screw with her life for the millionth time and it'd be a-okay again? Didn't think your lucky streak would go on forever did you?"

"What are you talking about?" Bill asked, looking between Ariel and Damien.

Ariel sighed heavily. "Well Emmett was a potential spouse I carefully selected for her which I—"

"One of dozens, Mother. One of dozens of 'carefully selected' choices you've made for her! I'd like to add that one of them almost—!"

"That was an honest mistake—!"

"—It's a flipping miracle she went with that simple looser—or actually _listened_ to you after that fiasco!"

"Hey!" The twins said in unison as Ezra muttered, "H-he wasn't that bad..."

"Miracles do happen, Damien. In fact I'm beyond glad that Priscilla came to her senses! It was either a kind God believing man like Emmett—"

"His religion is Harry Potter," Bill cut her off after another sip of tea. "Just so you know."

To his annoyance, Ariel ignored him and continued. "—or that horrible Preston Northwest."

Bill choked on his tea. "WHAT?!" He demanded. His mother's sweetheart had been _Preston Northwest?_

"See? Even the boy agrees with me! Detestable man!" Ariel cried.

"She adored him!" Damien snapped. "For years. So what the heck did you do to get her to change her mind, huh? Did you threaten her?"

Ariel slammed her cup down, causing the glass to crack. "You're always thinking the worst of me! Here I am trying to reach out to you boys—!"

"You can't blame me, can you?! Time and time again—!"

"Is it so hard to believe that my daughter obeyed for once in her miserable life?!"

That comment struck a nerve in Bill. His muscles tensed and his teeth gritted together as he stood up sharply. "Don't talk about my mother that way!" He snapped.

"This is between me and my son, Matthew. Now sit down and you, Damien can answer my question!"

"YES! Yes it is hard! All you've done to us every day of our lives is twist us to fit your delusions! Ellie hated it and you know it!"

 _"Priscilla_ never knew what was good for her! Without me—!"

"She became a fantastic woman and an even better mother," Bill spat, blue eyes piercing through Ariel's lighter ones. His fists were clenched so tightly that his nails were slicing his palms and his body was shivering with adrenaline...

And he felt something deep within him clawing free and growing in size, felt eldritch energy pulsing through his veins—but he held it in, taking several deep breaths to quell his anger. Because if his magic flared it could put a glowing target on his back yet it again.

Ariel scoffed and retrieved her cup of tea, glaring at Damien angrily, a look that he gladly returned with equal rage.

Shooting Star and Pine Tree had shrunken in their chair, and even Ezra looked to be showing emotion that _wasn't_ indifference. And the object...it began to pulse louder in his vest, thumping against his ribs and moving faster and faster as magic thickened the air.

Damien's angry glare quickly shifted into worry as he looked around with wide eyes, hands shaking and pupils dilated. Bill suddenly felt his stomach clench, feeling he had just made a huge mistake.

And then it shattered.

As thick inky darkness shot out of Bill's vest, everyone cried out in horror as the wind picked up and wipped their hair and clothes while darkness obscured the once sunny day.

"What's going on?!" Bill demanded over the howling wind and the sound of the twins crying in fear. Their little arms wrapped around one another. Ariel was hyperventilating and spluttering prays while Ezra just screamed.

"Matthew, _what did you do?!"_ Damien cried in horror as the darkness's sounds became near deafening.

Bill didn't have time to answer before gravity failed him. The chair he was sitting on suddenly no longer had solid ground beneath it, sending him and his family tumbling downward into a dark abyss.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

It was the slight flaring of Bill's soul that had taken The Axolotl away from his search for the mystery reviver/Unalterable Fate creator in Japan.

He hoped it was merely another temper tantrum, but then he felt that familiar inky darkness.

 _Oh no._ Axolotl felt fear take over his system before he hopped onto a nearby roof for some privacy. Seconds later he had opened a portal to look for Bill—but it wouldn't open.

Axolotl's panic increased ten-fold. This wasn't good, not at all. When he tried once more to open a portal to Bill but to know avail, the lizard opened one where he knew the five-year-old had been previously—his grandmother's house.

Hopping through, Axolotl began to scramble up the wooden steps, stopping when he felt the intense magical residue in the air. As he reached the top, it the magic became even more potent. Whatever supernatural creature had been here, it had been exceptionally powerful.

Bill wasn't dead...he could still feel his soul however faint. But that could quickly change in an instant. He needed to find him—and fast.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Bill didn't expect to fall unconscious—he didn't even remember doing so. But when he had awoken he was staring up at the eyes of his uncle—the interesting one not the boring one.

"Oh, thank the gods that be! Thought we'd lost you, Champ!" Damien laughed lightly. Bill was in the process of sitting up when Shooting Star crashed into him and wrapped him in a warm hug.

"Ma-ee you okay!" She said happily.

"Quiet now, Little Star; we don't want to wake the Witch," Damien said urgently.

"Witch?" Pine Tree questioned from beside his siblings. Bill hasn't even noticed him.

 _"Witches._ You brought _witches_ into this house! Goodness gracious, Damien!" Ariel snapped while comforting a shivering and terrified Ezra.

"Not _now,_ Mother," Damien growled in frustration.

Bill tuned out their conversation to take in his surroundings. The walls were covered in blank black televisions as were the floors. High up above them was a spinning circle, Bill couldn't identify what it was though.

"This is a pocket dimension," Bill stated with a furrowed brow. "I've been to every dimension ever conceived—alternate ones branched off from their original counterparts not included and—"

Damien was giving Bill a curious look. The demon cringed. There he goes _again_ blabbing about his secret identity!

"Have you now?" Damien asked, eyes slightly narrowed. Bill felt his heart beat faster.

"Well—of course—only in my dream—"

There was the sound of an electric whine cutting through Bill's speech.

"Flipping hell," Damien muttered under his breath as at once the blank televisions simultaneously began showing a familiar white and black pixel pattern of noise. The sound caused everyone in the room to jump, except for Shooting Star and Pine Tree who went behind Bill with terrified eyes.

Then quite suddenly, a sillouhette of what looked like a girl's face flickered across multiple screens.

"Witch..." Pine Tree whispered.

"Indeed, Kiddo..." Damien muttered.

In the centre of the sillouhette, a chalk looking eye with long lashes opened up and scanned the family.

"What's it doing?" Bill asked. He'd never seen anything like it.

Damien smiles awkwardly. "Nothing good."

The chalky eye lingered on Ariel, causing the woman to pale before it closed and the image of the TVs changed.

There was a brunette girl, hair spilled over a plain white bed, her arms and legs tied spread eagle to the bed heads with rope.

"Oh, God..." Ariel whispered in horror. Damien's has clenched and Ezra quickly looked away, only to find the image everywhere, even beneath their feet.

Even though nobody said a word, it was clear who it was.

"Mommy? Why she tied up?" Shooting Star asked from behind Bill, though her once scared eyes were looking on curiously.

The door opened in the video, a younger version of Ariel strode in with a dark scowl on her face.

 _"Well? Have you learned your lesson?"_ Young Ariel said.

 _"I was just going to the video store!"_ The younger version of Mother cried.

 _ **"Liar!** Liars everywhere! Why can't any of you be honest?!" _Young Ariel yelled. Tears rimmed her eyes for a scant few seconds before she twirled on her heel and stormed out.

 _"No! Mommy wait, don't leave me here! I—!"_

The screens flickered with noise once more before the sillouhette reappeared. This time, there was a chalky mouth that let out an amused laugh.

Ariel let out a little whimper before covering her face and assumed shame. Bill's fists were shaking in rage, his soul was rearing its ugly head once more and he didn't care this time around.

The chalk eye locked on Bill this time before another video filled the screen.

A very familiar one.

Bill watched with wide eyes, as he saw his old form, the Pines Twins clutched in his large hand.

 _"...I'm just going to kill one of them, just for the heck of it!"_

The image was everywhere—the ground the walls, TVs had started floating towards him, ghostly girlish laughter echoing across the room.

Bill turned to look at his family. Ariel had peaked from between her hands to look confused. As did Ezra. "What is this?" The man questioned.

But Damien's expression was unreadable—and that worried Bill tremendously. Strangley, not as much as the unreadable expressions on the Twins' faces.

They weren't masked—they were just _unreadable._ Their faces seemed to be mixed with fear, recognition, but also confusion and doubt. It was a strange aray of emotions that Bill couldn't decipher...and he didn't know why it made him feel so sick.

 _"Eeenie!"_

Yes, he'd been vicious and not the most moral being ever!

 _"Meenie!"_

Yes, he was willing to admit to his insanity!

 _"Minie!"_

But he wasn't the tyrant that Sixer and humanity and his _entire dimension_ were so happy to accuse him of!

 _"YOU!"_

"SHUT UP!" Bill punched a hand through one of the mockingly flying screens, glass punctured his flesh and blood leaked down in wet drops but Bill didn't care.

"You don't know anything! _You don't know anything!"_ Bill screamed at the televisions. The screen flickered again, showcasing another video.

 _"I'll find your weakness, Stanford Pines!"_

 **"I. Said. STOP!"** Bill's eyes glowed gold, eldritch energy exploding from his palms and exploding multiple screens. Sparks showered from the walls and the twins backed away from him. "Ma-ee?" Shooting Star cried.

Faitigue took over, causing the demon to fall to his knees, below him another video played—him torturing Ford.

"I'm not—" Bill couldn't finish.

 _But you are._ A voice in his head said.

He thought back to the mirror that showed his worst self. That back to his blatant dismissal of his siblings, his father, and even still his mother.

His dimension—his _home._ In flames.

 _You are._

 **AN: Okay, SO!**

 **This wasn't EXACTLY what I had in mind, as you can see, no action really. But once I started writing the drama I couldn't stop!**

 **The Witch is inspired by may favourite anime, Madoka Magica. Some things I changed to fit the narrative but it's pretty much the same monster!**

 **Anyway, today's ending song is, "I'll be Good" by Jaymes Young!**

 **Hope you enjoyed!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	10. Chapter 10: I'm not the Bad Guy

**AN: Welcome, one and all, back to another episode of, "Bill, what the hell did you just do?!"**

 **Last chapter ended off with out favourite nacho Overlord realizing that he was and still is probably sorta, to an extent, a pretty shitty person!**

 **Ah, good times!**

 **Before we jump into some revelations, both obvious and...disturbing, I have several announcements to make!**

 **One, I now have a account under the name "Fantasy's Writing Shop". So if you ever feel the desire to support me financially, now you can!**

 **Two, I have written out most of next chapter so it'll certainly be ready next week!**

 **Three, as promised to** **The CSIS is Watching I'd like to advertise their story by the name of "The Next Generation". I'm sure you can figure out what it's about. The fic centres around the twin daughters of Dipper and Pacifica as they have their own adventures in Gravity Falls!**

 **I suppose while I'm here it's only fair to recommend Straightjacketed's "All the World's a Toybox," perhaps the darkest thing I've read in my entire life. It's a "what if" Weirdmageddon scenario where Bill wins and starts messing with the Zodiac members in the name of revenge. So, grab your popcorn and get ready to read about your favourite characters being tortured in horrific ways :3**

 **Four, got a new story coming out soon!**

 **And five, I changed the ending song for chapter three from the rather unfitting Hasley's "Control" to "I've Been Waiting for this Moment" from the Madoka Rebellion soundtrack!**

 **Anyway, let's reply to your comments :3**

 **TheSilverHunt3r: I'm glad you liked this version of Damien! I decided I wanted to do give him a different personality from the brooding figure he was in the original LtL because I'm trying to give each of the Important OCs a distinct voice and I'm saving the brooding trait for a special someone ;3**

 **Wether he's evil or not is up to you...he's certainly mentally unwell though.**

 **New Prussia: Thank you for understanding! :D**

 **Sanzaki Mika: The very same! The reason for this will be explained a bit more in future chapters. And not to worry! Pacifica still exists, just has a different mom, and thus, like the Pines Twins, will have slightly different features.**

 **Ponystoriesandothers: Lol, sorry! And thanks!**

 **Angelwings2002: Thank you!**

 **Straightjacketed: Not ENTIRELY our of the bag! And yes, while Ellie's siblings and mother are well acquainted with the magic, she's a bit different. You'll see what I mean soon! And her relationship with Preston will certainly be the partial focus of next chapter!**

 **Lord Demolitions: Indeed she will, in time...and yes, it's true that in a way she was lucky fate tore her away from her sweetheart, Preston is a S-class jerkwad.**

 **Loving the ideas BTW! While the bare bones of them have been made to be the vocal point of next chapter, those scenarios sound interesting! I'll certainly give you credit anyway though!**

 **Ghost Geek: Aw, Thank u! You flatter me too much :3 And I'm glad you like the Axolotl! His relationship with Bill is probably my favourite relationship to write in this story so far!**

 **Now how did Bill deal with the situation I left him in last chapter? In my mind it went a little something like this:**

 **WARNING: Damien is a kind of a creep. Viewer discretion is advised.**

 **Chapter Ten: I'm not the Bad Guy**

Bill's breath hitched and his body quivered as if he'd been struck with a million bolts of lightning. Everything felt so...cold. He was staring at his hands, staring as they became dark, soundly, and covered in flames, the image flickered and it was no his human hand with a knife in its grasp, preparing to take revenge on the twins—

The witch's laughter echoed across the sparking televisions, mocking him and his stupid, _stupid_ naive thought process all those centuries ago. Why did he think he was in the right? _How_ could he think he was in the right?

Those were thoughts assaulting his mind as darkness poured from the broken electronics.

Bill looked up finally, watching the darkness take the shape of what looked vaguely to be a girl with icy blue eyes, long brown hair. But her face was distorted and blurry, her bare body spindly and weathered and as a pair of unearthly claws shot towards his knelt form—

—he didn't do anything, just let it come. He could summon the sense to move, or defend himself, or even scream. Because one thought echoed through his head.

 _I'm a tyrant._

And maybe he deserved this.

Damien disagreed, apparently. Just before the witch could reach Bill, he jumped in front him and thrusted his hand forward.

"Enough!" The man snapped as a red light shot from his palm and blasted the warped version of Bill's mother.

The witch screamed as the pocket dimension crumbled into dark squares that swirled into a whirlwind of black. A second blast sent the world into a realm of nothingness.

For a few seconds, Bill was alone and hovering in the darkness with his thoughts, slowly feeling fear and panic encasing his apathy and tossing it away.

Not the darkness...not the darkness...

...then he felt himself tilting and he began to scream, clawing for something to grab onto even though there was nothing there. Would he fall forever? Would he hit the ground and die?

 _Well_ his mind was sufficiently changed! He didn't want to die, tyrant or not! He couldn't just—!

Quite suddenly, light filled his vision for a split second before showing the bright blue sky spinning dramatically out of control. White clouds twirling around like dancers and dark spots, almost like residue from The Darkness dabbed across his vision.

Finally, Bill's dizzying fall ended as he crashed painfully to the ground, followed by multiple other bodies.

"Ugh...darn it Damien," Ezra grumbled on the floor next to Bill, Ariel and the whimpering twins.

"How 'bout a 'thank you'?" Damien responded. He was the only one not groaning or whimpering on the floor and he stepped casually over his family and straightening his shirt.

"Why couldn't you do that earlier?" Ariel demanded as she heaved herself to her knees.

"Haven't fed her in awhile, wanted her to eat some negativity before putting her back to sleep."

"That witch was your _pet?!"_ Ariel spluttered, staggering to her feet and glaring at her son.

"Well, yeah! I'm kind of the reason she exists so she tends to follow my every little whim—except when, as you've just seen, she's hungry. I have to use some force then."

Ariel let out a strangled cough of disbelieve as everyone else too found their way to their feet.

"Ma-ee," Shooting Star said, grabbing Bills's thigh with her tiny hands and looking up at him with wide eyes. "Have we met a triangle man before? 'Cause I think I've met him before and I'm also scared of him but I don't remember him! And that makes no sense 'cause I remember _everyone_!"

"Confused," Pine Tree said in agreement.

Bill furrowed his brow, and opened his mouth to say something when Ezra cut him off—much to his annoyance.

"Yeah, can we talk about the fact that Bill Cipher was somehow in Matthew's memories? What sense does that make exactly?" He demanded, surprising Bill because he didn't think Ezra was capable of saying so many words at once.

All eyes landed on the five-year-old and he suddenly felt as tiny as his age would suggest.

"Well..." For once, Bill was at a loss of words.

"Champ, if you have something to—"

A sudden heavy gust of wind swept through the patio and everyone sans Bill collapsed to the ground.

"What—?"

"Bill!"

Axolotl leapt from the roof and landed on Bill's shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Eyes flickering between his fallen family and Axolotl, Bill nodded before adding, "Where were you?"

"I couldn't find you. I am so, so, sorry if something had happened I..."

Bill's lips twitched into a little smirk as he gave Axolotl a scratch on the head with his pinky. "I'm fine, really! A tiny bit shaken up—"

And then it came back, the televisions, the videos of his past deeds—

"Are you...sure you're alright, Bill?" Axolotl asked gently, placing a hand on his cheek while Bill's pinky faltered.

"I—" _I figured out you were right all along and I really am the worst! Isn't that fantastic?!_

Right. Like he'd admit that to Axolotl of all beings. He could practically predict the "I told you so" speech.

"Bill?"

"Nothing."

Axolotl stared at Bill unblinkingly, making the demon shift uncomfortably like an antsy toddler.

"I said I was fine!" Bill snapped. The Axolotl sighed heavily and leapt nimbly to the wooden ground.

"In that case, I suppose we have other matters to attend to. First and foremost, the magic of our little troublemaker has a similar—no—absolutely identical signature to that I felt before you disappeared."

Bill's eyes widened and he crouched next to Axolotl before asking. "So you're thinking...a witch?"

"A witch? Which one? The humanoid beings with magic or the monstrous ones with pocket dim—ah, that's where you were? How do I miss that?"

"Uh...Axolotl?"

"'Don't get distracted' I know. But no I don't think either of them could do it, they lack the power and the latter also lacks critical thinking skills," Axolotl said as he began to pace, pausing when he almost bumped into a sleeping Damien.

"But you _just_ said the magical signatures were the exact same!" Bill reminded him.

Axolotl gave another sigh. "I know, I know. Then perhaps—Bill was there any other magical being in that pocket dimension? Besides you, of course."

Bill's eyes widened once more when he remembered his uncle, red magic pouring from his hands towards the monstrosity.

"Damien..." Bill said, turning to the man. And...he did say the witch thing was his hadn't he? Maybe when it shattered his magical signature—

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Bill exclaimed. "Why would he destroy so many timelines and mess with his sister's life? Now, I know I just met him but he kind of seemed to adore her."

"And you bet your bottom dollar I do," Damien responded.

Bill and Axolotl jumped back in surprise as the dark haired man opened his eyes. They flashed red for a second before returning to blue and he got to his feet, towering over both of them.

"How did you break my spell?" Axolotl cried in a baffled voice, before realizing he just outed himself and sighed heavily.

Ignoring Axolotl, Damien's eyes remained locked on Bill. "You love her more than the universe too, don't you? You'd do anything for her?"

Damien took a step towards him and Bill took one backwards.

"Champ...I'm not the bad guy," Damien all but whispered, a hesitant smile on his face and his hand outstretched. "All I'm trying to do is make her face bright and sunny! All I'm doing is fixing what my mother did," Damien's voice quickly went from soft to venomous as he spat Ariel's title like a curse.

"I don't know exactly what she did, but I know she had something to do with my sister suddenly sleeping with a random loser as apposed to the man that made her feel like the queen of a kingdom," he snarled.

Axolotl stared at Damien intently for a mere moment before leaping atop Bill's shoulder once more so he look the man in the eye.

"Though you're intentions are kind, your actions have caused permanent damage to multiple timelines and your reincarnated minions put Bill in danger—"

"Do you think I _care_ about ruining timelines, or whatnot? I'd do _anything_ for Ellie and if that means destroying a few flipping timelines, so be it!" Damien snapped. "And—! Wait what? I don't reincarnate. What in the hell are you talking about, Lizard Thing?"

Bill snorted at the name and Axolotl muttered, "It's _Axolotl_ ,"

Damien squinted at the lizard before shrugging and turning back to Bill.

"So you see now, Matthew—Bill—whatever you wanna be called? If you really care about your mother, your heart should be filled with rainbows by my actions!"

Bill scowled and jabbed a finger at Damien's chest. "She's sadder than ever thanks to you! You think that's _helping?"_

Damien's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before glaring back. "You don't understand, Matthew. You don't understand! If I showed you how much she adored—"

"You know, it's cute of you to think Preston freaking Northwest would treat her well! Absolutely _priceless!"_ Bill laughed bitterly.

"You. Don't. Understand." Each word was spat viciously from Damien's mouth before turning away. "You just don't! That's what she wanted and that woman took the one choice she wanted to make herself _away from her!"_

"I'm not the one who doesn't understand, pal!" Bill barked back. "You don't know how confused and hurt she is because of what you did! _You_ don't live with her! I do! I DO! And I have to watch her force a smile everyday and it's just—!"

Bill paused in his rant to clutch his suddenly aching chest, a headache blooming as Damien continued.

"She'll be finer than ever as soon as she lets that god damn homewrecker go," He said, back still turned.

Bill shook his head in disgust. "You're delusional. You're _insane_. Who are you to manipulate her life?"

Damien threw his head up and laughed, grinning at Bill from over his shoulder. "I hate to break it to you, Champ, but that's pretty gosh darn rich coming from Bill Cipher."

Bill flinched and staggered backwards as if he'd just been slapped before glaring and hissing, "You're just like your mother."

Damien's grin dropped immediately. He spun around, eyes narrowing. "You little—"

The sound of a car beeping took their attention away from one another.

A familiar family car pulled up in the driveway and Mother poked her head out the window. "Hey, Mattie Bear!"

Instantly, a smile washed away Damien's scowl as he waved enthusiastically to his sister. "El! Hey!"

Mother's gaze left Bill's to land on Damien, her face becoming noticeably more strained. "Damien," she said politely.

"We'll talk more tonight," Axolotl told Bill before he jumped off his shoulder and dove through a portal he had just opened.

"How've you been!? You haven't answered any of my calls or letters or anything!" Damien called as he dashed down the steps enthusiastically behind him, it had seemed Axolotl had lifted his spell because as Bill ran down the steps towards his mother, his previously sleeping family began to groggily awaken.

"Stupid Damien and his stupid magic," Ezra grumbled from above.

"I was busy," Mother said in response to Damien's multiple questions. "Sorry."

"Oh, no, no, no! Don't worry your pretty head about it, I was just asking!" Damien beamed while Mother flinched.

"I'm...glad you're not upset then! Oh, Matthew! Hi, sweetie!" Mother kneeled in front of Bill and wrapped him in a giant hug. The demon's nerves were immediately soothed by the familiar arms and the familiar rose perfume.

"Mommy!" The twins exclaimed in unison as they ran into Mother's arms. "Mabel, Mason!" She cooed, hugging all three of her children simultaneously.

From behind, Damien cleared his throat loudly. Mother sighed heavily before releasing her children and turning to face her brother with another forced smile.

"Yes?"

"You never gave me a hug!" Damien said with a dimply grin.

"No, I didn't," Mother said simply before turning her unnerving tight smile to her other brother and her mother.

Damien's face fell and Bill let out a quiet snicker.

"Mom, Ezra," Mother said with a nod.

"Priscilla," Ariel said.

Ezra nodded and the twins glanced at each other worriedly at the tension strung taught across air—so taught that one could cut it with a dull toy knife.

"So! We'll be going now!" Mother said finally, ushering Bill and the twins into the car where an equally tense Emmett waited.

"Ellie, wait!" Damien called, making the woman pause. "Your hand, what in the flipping hell happened to it?"

Bill just noticed that his mother's hand had a bandaid wrapped around her index finger

"I took her to an archery class for our date," Emmett supplied awkwardly. "It—wasn't a good idea."

"Well and old person knows bandaging a small wound does diddly squat! Here," Damien said, taking Mother's hand and gently peeling off her band-aid

"Thank you, Damien. I'm just going to..." Mother gestured to the car.

"Of course, of course! Goodbye! You were all so much darn fun!"

"Bye, Uncle Day-men!" Shooting Star called. "Bye-bye!" Pine Tree said.

Bill opted to say nothing as the car began its drive home. Thinking about Damien, the witch...the still mysterious monster reincarnating boogeyman—

"Mother," Bill said, leaning forward in his car seat.

"Mhm?" She responded, glancing at him through the back view mirror.

"I figured out your brother is using magic to ruin your relationship with Emmett."

The woman blinked twice and turned to look at her son, confusion knitting her brow. "What are you...? Oh! That was a joke!" She smiled at him while Emmett quirked an eyebrow. "Magic jokes? You may have some hope yet!"

Bill returned the amused smile with a tight one of his own as slumped back in his seat and went back to looking out the window. "Yup, just a joke."

"Hey, Ma-ee," Shooting Star said, shaking Bill's shoulder.

"What do you want?" Bill grumped.

"Who won that game of Dead Bodies?"

"Dead Bodies? That's not even a game," Bill said.

"Yes it is! We played it, then I fell asleep, and I can't remember who won!" Shooting Star objected with a pout.

Bill's confusion quickly disappeared when he figured this was apart of The Axolotl's spell that, for some reason failed to work on Damien.

"Oh, I remember now," Bill lied. "I won. I mean, there really was no competition honestly."

A bit arrogant sounding...

Bill shook his head and glared our the window. What was wrong with him? Stupid witch. He should've left that dumb egg thing alone.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

In the comfort of his room, Damien lounged in his bed smiling as he watched his sister and her soon to be ex-husband arguing in their kitchen through a glowing red spy portal.

Ha!

Holding Ellie's band-aid between his fingers, Damien snapped the spying spell closed to look at it closely. The blood on it was still relatively fresh if the crimson look and the smell of iron and rose perfume wasn't obvious enough.

The fact that Emmett had unapologetically hurt her due to his careless date planning further proved just how flipping bumbling he was. Although like what Matthew said, there was no real guarantee that Preston would do any better...

Sighing and leaning back into his pillow, band-aid dangling from his finger, Damien said to himself, "But...if it's Preston she wants, you bet your bottom dollar it's Preston she's gonna get."

But if he really was no better, there was nothing stopping Damien from showing her what _true_ love looked like—and it didn't matter what his family, or the cruel and hypocritical society thought about it.

Smiling, the man brought the band-aid close to his lips and gave it a lick.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

 **AN: Sorry you had to read that folks! Yeahhh like I said above, Damien is a weirdo, and not the good kind. This...trait of his is certainly apart of his ideology and eventual character arc though, so I didn't put no Sweet Home Alabama stuff in here simply for shock value!**

 **I actually wanted this chapter to be longer, but anytime I added a chunk of something it either ruined the pacing or the tone. A lot of what was cut out here will be in the next chapter which should certainly be longer!**

 **Finally, the song for today is none other than everyone's favourite stalker song, "Every Breath you Take" by The Police. Or, if you're looking for something darker, you can listen to Chase Holfleder's minor key cover of the same tune!**

 **Okie doke, see you next week!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	11. Chapter 11: A Red Pinky Promise

**AN: Okay, so. I KNOW I said "Friday" but I've been stuck on the final map of Fire Emblem Three Houses and have been so filled with rage and frustration that fanfic took a back burner for like, a couple days.**

 **Anyway, excuses aside, this is my favourite chapter I've ever written of anything ever. I'm serious! I really, really loved writing this chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do!**

 **'Kay, so reviews! It seems I successfully made Damien hateable!**

 **TheSilverHunt3r: Sorry! Yeah, to be honest I was going to make him a good guy but then my brain was like, "No." and I listened!**

 **AngelWings2002: Indeed he is, and if you thought Bill was dealing with stuff here...HOO, hoo boy, wait until you read this chapter!**

 **Lord Demolitions: He's so caught up with his idea of what her happiness is he didn't think of it, lol. Yeah, he's a moron that deserves a good bonks.**

 **BlazeHeat: Aw, I'm glad!**

 **Straightjacketed: No problem! And those are all lovely theories, thank for all those! We'll learn more about Damien as we progress though :3**

 **Neah-D-Campbell1: Oui, lol XD**

 **GirlFemaleGirl: That's what we all are thinking, honey, ahah!**

 **Anyway! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter Eleven: A Red Pinky Promise**

"I lied."

Those were the first words that left Bill's mouth when Axolotl came to visit him later that night.

Axolotl rose an eyebrow and chuckled heartedly. "What music to my ears coming from you, Bill!"

Bill sighed and rolled on his side, covering his left ear with his pillow and sufficiently muffling his parents' argument—at least partially.

"We made a _deal_ Emmett!"

"But—!"

"No! I'm done!"

"So that's it? You're just going to give up? You may be a quitter but I'm not!"

Mother laughed bitterly. "Did you know that trying the same thing again and again expecting a different result is a sign of insanity, Emmett?"

"Oh, so I'm insane now?"

"Not now, you always have been! If this is how you act now then there were clearly some underlying issues—!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, that is _not_ fair!"

"Really?! Because—!"

Bill blinked in surprise when the voices abruptly cut off, looking back over his shoulder, he saw the Axolotl holding a glowing webbed hand towards the door while giving him a sympathetic look.

"You don't need to hear that," he said as he then lowered it.

Bill laughed, though it held little mirth. "This is my life now thanks to that obsessive bastard, why not get used to it?"

"Oh, Bill—"

"Can we just talk...please? Mother's occupied as you can hear and Shooting Star and Pine Tree are hardly worthy conversationalists."

Axolotl sighed softly before saying, "Alright, you said you lied?"

"I'm not fine."

"Bill..."

The demon rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling where a moth was beating aimlessly at one of the pot lights.

"You were right all along. I'm a blistering tyrant and every living entity in the multiverse is better off without me. There, give me the I told you so speech."

Axolotl was silent for a few seconds before he let out a light chuckle and leapt atop Bill's chest. "No, no. I'm...actually proud of you, Bill."

Bill furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes.

"Not at what you did, mind you," Axolotl said. "But I'm proud that you've realized that what you've done wasn't good; self-reflection is just next door to proper change, and I think—"

Axolotl sat up and smiled brightly. "—this is deserving of a reward."

Bill bolted upwards and grinned widely down at the lizard who had tumbled unceremoniously off his chest with an "oomph!"

"You mean—?"

"I think it's time that I gave you—"

"YES!" Bill yelled automatically, bouncing on the bed. "YES, YES, **_YES!"_**

"Alright, stand still so I can—ACK!" Axolotl was launched into the air as Bill plopped down and caused the bed to heave.

"Well? Hurry up!" Bill exclaimed impatiently as Axolotl landed with a grunt.

After collecting himself, with a sigh, Axolotl skittered towards the child and placed a hand on his chest.

Bill bit his lip and began giggling uncontrollably—both at the prospect of his returning magic and the fact that whatever the Axolotl was doing was tickling him all over. Five years, five torturous years and he'd finally get his magic back! He could finally blow this popsicle stand and pick up where he left off!

"And...done—"

"WOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bill shrieked, bounding off the bed and sending Axolotl airborne once more as he threw open his bedroom door and dashed down the steps at top speed.

He swept past his surprised parents and practically tossed himself into the great outdoors and underneath the starry sky, whooping the whole time and causing the neighbourhood dogs to bark and several lights to turn on in previously dormant houses.

He twirled around a lamppost, danced with a random confused old lady, threw a stick for a dog to fetch and then stood in the middle of oncoming traffic, feeling invincible even as drivers screamed at him to get out of the way.

"YES!" Bill screamed in delight. "THE UNIVERSE IS MINE!"

Raising his hand, Bill dramatically snapped his fingers. The sound seemed to echo beautifully in his ears...good Cipher he missed snapping his fingers!

And nothing happened.

Bill's euphoria immediately disappeared and he felt the urge to scream—this time in rage.

Which is exactly what he did.

"MATTHEW!" Mother screamed in horror as she dashed onto the street, scooped up her angry son and ran towards the house while simultaneously dodging a plethora of angry neighbours demanding to know what was going on.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Axolotl gave the heaviest sigh yet as he watched out the window of Bill's bedroom. Cars were haphazardly scattered across the road like toys and people where crowding the Pines parents and angrily protested being awoken from slumber/almost running over an insane child.

The lizard turned away from the scene and eyed Bill's room. It was surprisingly dull for someone as eccentric as the boy—save for an over abundance of crucifixes lining the top of the walls and holy berries tied around his bed head for supernatural protection, there was nothing in the room but pastel yellow walls a bed with blue comforters, and a dresser with not a single picture frame, figurine or toy atop it.

Moments later, the door was flung open, and an angry Bill marched towards The Axolotl.

'And here we go...' Axolotl mentally sighed.

"You lied to me," Bill snapped at The Axolotl, angry at this supposed deception and presumably the scolding his parents had no doubt given him after running crazy onto the road.

"I did no such thing," Axolotl stated simply.

"Yes you did!" Bill snapped, punching the mattress and prompting The Axolotl to leap backwards. "My powers aren't functional, I tried tearing a rift and nothing happened!"

Axolotl rolled his eyes. "In my defence, you never did let me finish what I was going to say."

Bill snorted and seemed about to throw himself onto the bed until Axolotl sharply said, "Do. Not."

The five-year-old looked momentarily shocked at the creature's tone before groaning and mopishly sinking into his bed stomach first.

"So what _were_ you going to say?" Bill asked, mouth partially muffled by the comforter. "'You deserve a gift but it's not your powers, Bill! Oh no, no, SIGH I hate you too much!'"

"Firstly, I do not sound like that," Axolotl scolded. "Secondly, I _did_ give you some of your magic back.

Bill lifted his head and scowled. _"Some?"_

"Some," Axolotl confirmed. "Did you really think I'd give you all your magic for simply _realizing_ you had questionable morals? May I remind you that just moments earlier you ran out on the road and proclaimed you'd take over the universe?"

"There's nothing evil about taking over the universe!" Bill protested as he propped himself up on his elbows. "I wasn't going to torture anyone or crush civilizations, I was just going to be the supreme leader of Earth, the entire Milky Way, and its neighbouring galaxies for all of eternity!"

"That's not the only thing I'm judging you on, Bill. Don't think I don't see you tossing away that poor child's toy everyday at school."

Bill cringed and looked away. "I stopped doing that!" He wanted to say. "That's in the past!" He wanted to snap. Axolotl shouldn't _unfairly_ looking into his past for reasons he didn't deserve anything!

But his dimension, Ford's physical and emotional torture, nearly killing the twins...that too was in the past yet—

" _You're making this harder for yourself, you know that?"_

 _Ford looked up at him, brown eyes burning in defiance so firm that Bill couldn't help but admire it._

 _If only he hadn't chosen the wrong side, if only he had just stayed with him..._

 _"Ooh! Look here, boys he thinks he's being tough! Well alrighty then, tough guy! Let's crank the pain up a few hundred volts!"_

 _The Henchmaniacs cheered, and although the defiance in Stanford's eyes remained, he could see his muscles tense in terrible anticipation beneath his clothes._

"Bill?" Axolotl said worriedly, placing a hand on Bill's lap.

And he could still hear that scream...

"Bill!"

No, Axolotl was right, wasn't he? It was too much he did too much! He couldn't fix it, he couldn't. Not when there was so much...too much. He—

"Bill."

It was the quiet tone that brought him back from his rampaging thoughts. As the images of his heinous past faded away, he found himself looking at the Axolotl, frustration replacing the daunting guilt and fear.

No, _he_ was right! How _dare_ that damn lizard attack him with his past!

"Wow! Super convenient that you saw me throw Georgie's frisbee at a rabid dog but didn't see the two times I was attacked in the same forsaken year!"

Axolotl flinched and looked away. His tail flicked around and his head bowed.

"I—that isn't—"

"Also, I stopped! But you didn't see me stopping did you?! No, you only saw what you wanted to see! Everyone always does!"

Bill didn't bother mentioning that he only stopped because Georgie disappeared after he had gleefully tossed the boy's plastic boat down the sewer. Because that would prove Axolotl right. That would further prove that he was the bottom of the bottomless barrel, a cause so lost the lost couldn't even find him and that every terrible thing that happened to him throughout the centuries was justly deserved.

Because how did anyone live with that?

Axolotl furrowed his brow. "Please tell me you don't actually believe that."

"I do, and I'm not sorry," Bill said, closing his eyes and smiling smugly, though it didn't look genuine and his voice was cracked and laced with mistruth.

"Bill," Axolotl said gently. "You can truly change, anyone can, and I truly believe—no, I _know_ you can too! But it is this sort of devil-may-care attitude that stops me from giving you back all your powers. I will give you them in intervals as I see fit. And I want no complaining from now on, understood?"

Bill sighed and face planted into the comforters again. "Fine. What fraction of my power did you give me anyway?"

"Illusion magic. After some thought, it seemed like the least destructive of your magic."

Bill sighed harder. "I'll take it."

"Gratitude is another important part of self growth," Axolotl smiled, giving Bill's head a little pat.

Bill peaked up at him and asked, "You really think I can...get better?"

"I told you already, Bill. I know you can," Axolotl smiled tenderly.

"You'll help me?"

"I'll help you so long as you make an effort."

"Deal?"

"No."

Bill eyes widened momentarily in shock before Axolotl said, "I promise."

Bill furrowed his brow and propped himself up again. "Why a promise?"

"Because deals are between business partners. Promises are between friends, family, lovers—people you care for."

A wide-eyed Bill blinked twice in surprise before looking away, shifting slightly, and sitting back on his heels.

"Alrighty then so...how do you seal a promise?" He asked finally.

"Oh, many ways for us supernatural folk. Branding, rare potions, swords, the head of the other's enemy," Axolotl said. "But...humans do it the best I believe—jewelry, pinky swears, locks, secret handshakes, blood pacts—"

"Let's do the blood one!" Bill exclaimed enthusiastically.

Axolotl chuckled. "I had a feeling you'd say that. Alright, let me slip into a more decrepit form."

In a flash of green light, Axolotl was straightening the ridiculous suit he wore on his human avatar. "There," he said finally, bringing a golden pin into existence.

"This will hurt a bit," he warned.

Bill batted a hand through the air. "Please, I had my eye ripped out of my socket; this is nothing!"

"If you're sure. Hold out your pinky."

Bill complied, extending his pinky and giggling slightly at the pricking sensation. Red blood slowly blossomed on his pinky and he watched his long forgotten splinter leak out and fall underneath Axolotl's outstretched palm.

The transformed lizard pricked his pinky as well and the two clasped their bloody hands together.

"I promise, from now on, we're in this together. I'll help you on your path to redemption and when you're finished, I'll give you every bit of your magic back."

"And I promise that I'll try to...not be terrible. And I suppose I'll help you with whatever problems you have since that's fair—do goody-two-shoes have problems?"

Axolotl smiled. "It's a promise, then."

With another flash of light, Axolotl had returned to his original form, and the blood was now gone. The little cut on Bill's pinky had also been sealed up as if it had never existed.

"I like promising," Bill decided, a smile on his face as he closed his hand.

At that moment, Ellie Pines opened the door with a flourish. Axolotl quickly took this chance to leave as the woman asked, "Hey, Matthew! Did you...hear me knocking? I mean you're probably mad at me and I understand. I was _totally_ out of hand yelling at y—oh my gosh who is _this!?"_

Axolotl had just leapt to the ground and was about to open a portal away when Ellie's gaze well on him.

Oh, bother.

"I didn't think there were any of these little guys in the city! Did you get him from grandma's house?" Ellie asked, striding over to Axolotl and gently scooping him up in her hands.

"Uh...yes?" Bill lied, sitting up and crinkling the comforters.

"He is so adorable!" The woman cooed, tickling underneath Axolotl's chin and running a hand down his back. Admittedly, it felt very, very comforting. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been massaged...

But still, rules were rules and since Ellie had no business with Axolotl, she was not to even look at him. He had already somehow severely messed up with Damien—something he wasn't even sure he'd be able to remedy—and he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.

But glancing over, Axolotl caught Bill smiling softly at his mother's reaction to him, a sight that made the lizard delighted. Yes, Bill was certainly changing for the better—even if it was ever so slowly. And if Ellie's happiness would take his mind off his self-loathing...

...Mistake number two it was. He'd deal with the consequences later.

"Did ya name him?" Ellie asked, sitting next to her son.

"His name's Axolotl," Bill supplied.

Ellie frowned. "Axolotl? You named him after his species? That's boring, don't you think?"

Bill gave a careless shrug. "I don't see the issue, honestly."

"Why don't we name him something else?" Ellie suggested, holding the lizard up in front of her and beaming. "Alexander! He looks like an Alexander, doesn't he?"

Axolotl had never actually thought of having a true name—since his creation, he had always just been referred to by his title "The Axolotl" or "Axolotl" for short. The prospect of having an actual name was strange...but not unwelcome.

"We can go to the pet store tomorrow, buy him a cute little tank, get him some toys—I'm so excited! I always wanted to get you a pet, but your Dad's afraid of dogs, allergic to cats, and hates birds. Plus, fish are boring. I never even considered reptiles!" Ellie exclaimed enthusiastically.

Bill turned to Axolotl and grinned impishly. "We can get him a name tag and tie his tail with a ribbon!"

No.

Axolotl attempted to squirm out of the woman's grasp but was held fast, much to his horror. "That's a wonderful idea! We can go first thing in the morning, m'kay?"

She handed Axolotl to Bill who leapt atop his shoulder and kissed her son on the forehead. "Lights out in five minutes, m'kay? Or...whenever you want. It's just if we want to go early—"

"I'll go to bed, Mother," Bill promised with a tiny smile.

"Mom," Ellie said, returning the smile.

"What?"

"I want you to call me Mom. Mother is too formal—I mean if that's alright with you?"

Bill seemed confused by the explanation, but said. "On one condition," he said finally. "I want you to call me Bill—there isn't enough words in the English language that can describe how much I hate Matthew."

Axolotl flinched. "Bill...I don't think that is a good idea—"

"You look like a Bill," Ellie nodded. "Okay, Deal?" She held out her hand and stood up straighter.

Axolotl saw Bill's eyes light up eagerly before he hesitated. "How...about a promise?"

Ellie smiled brighter. "Pinky promise?"

"With pins and blood!" Bill agreed.

"...pinky promise."

"Fine."

Ellie hooked her pinky with Bill who paused in curiosity before getting the picture and hooking back.

"There, it's a promise! Anyway, goodnight to you...Bill."

Bill's grin reappeared momentarily as Ellie ruffled his hair fondly before turning to leave, before slowly, a frown faded back onto his face.

"Moth—Mom?"

"Mhm?" Ellie said, turning back around.

"If I told you I was a tyrannical demon who once destroyed my entire dimension and continued to wreck havoc among others for millions of years—do you think I could change? Hypothetically speaking of course."

Ellie seemed utterly perplexed by the question, but with a soft smile she said, "Whatever you did, the fact that you're even asking that question gives the feeling of a resounding 'yes,'"

Bill looked down at his hands, a thoughtful expression on his face as Ellie once again made her leave.

As she reached the door, she paused and surveyed the room. "This place needs decoration," she murmured to herself, before looking over her shoulder and saying, "We'll decorate your room too! Another thing we'll do tomorrow, m'kay?"

As she left and shut the door behind her, Axolotl smiled to himself.

"It truly was a good decision to—Bill?" Axolotl looked up from his place on his bed to see the blonde clutching his chest and grunting.

"Don't worry, happens all the time!" He said with a forced grin.

Axolotl sighed sadly and stared out the window. Thus far, the only person Bill let into his heart was Ellie—he shouldn't have been hurting this much this soon...

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

With Axolotl gone and his family in bed, Bill tried out his newly returned magic in the comfort of his darkened room.

After closing his curtains, he sat on his bed and focused. He closed his eyes and imagined pulling the swirling magic from within his soul, smiling as he felt that familiar tingle of Weirdness flowing through his body.

"Ha, ha! How I missed you, old friend!" He giggled, letting the eldritch energy accumulated beneath his palms and tint the entire room an electric blue that matched his eyes.

Bill decided to start with something tiny, and so, picturing what he wanted, flexing his wrist towards him, and delivering a dramatic snap, a red bird with compound eyes and two pairs of wings exploded into existence with a flash of blue light and began fluttering around the room squawking.

"Yes! I did it!" Bill exclaimed loudly, before remembering not to wake his family and using his right hand on ti cover his mouth. The other he used to snap the bird out of existence.

The room became dark once more and Bill decided to try out what other limitations he had been given when it came to the illusions—though opted to be quiet this time.

From test running this magic, he learned that he could still project things into other objects by trapping a muffled Head That's Always Screaming inside a mirror, and a tinier one inside of the lightbulb. He could even make 2-D illusions as proven when he made an image of his old triangle self before breaking free into this reality, and of course before his reincarnation.

But the image made him look away and shame and he quickly dispelled it.

Thankfully, Bill's mood was brightened when he learned he could go back to making intangible illusion puppets that could say and do whatever he wanted—without being able to interact with anything of course.

Though it was then slightly lowered when learning that as of now, he only had the energy to keep up illusions for thirty seconds. A far, _far_ cry from what he could do before. It he wanted, he could have left illusions up for eternity—but alas, he was now in a new, inferior form that unfortunately wasn't powered by pure infinite energy.

So that was all he was able to do before he crashed to bed with a weary sigh. He could do a lot with this, he'd need to use Pine Tree and Shooting Star as his guinea pigs as soon as tomorrow—

No, no he couldn't do that. He promised The Axolotl he'd try. Of course what he knew wouldn't kill him. But no, no, he promised...

 _But...I could—_

 _I. Promised._

A promise.

" _Promises are between friends, family, lovers—people you care for."_

Bill smiled softly to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

 **AN: Preston was actually supposed to be re-introduced here, had the scene written out and everything, but he didn't fit with this chapter's theme sooooo axed for another chapter!**

 **Again, I hope you enjoyed!**

 **The ending song for today is: "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	12. Chapter 12: Prelude (Growing Pains)

**Brain: UPDATE YOUR DAMN STORY FANTASY**

 **Me: In a bit! It wasn't the lo—what do you mean it's been four months?!**

 **Guys...I'm sorry! I didn't want to leave this long, honest. But I took a little break from fanfiction for personal reasons and had just recently gotten back into the writing mojo :3**

 **ANYWAY! With Bill having a milestone in his character arc and our current main villain introduced, it is now time to leave the Childhood Arc behind and say hello to Gravity Falls Oregon! Similarly how we are leaving the 2010s behind and entering a brand new decade!**

 **That being said, there will be some things about Bill's childhood that I'll elaborate later on through flashbacks and conversations. I just feel that it's time lil' Matthew grew up you know?**

 **Anyway! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Prelude: Growing Pains**

* * *

When Bill turned six, Emmett took the family to see the fireworks for New Years like they had when Bill was a baby.

It was terrifying, yes. Bill let out a flinch and gave a shudder with every glittery explosion that painted the sky, but Mother held him close with one hand and recorded the sky and the twins who were chasing each other and giggling, then Emmett who was standing a bit away with the others.

The sky flashed a bright blue reminiscent of Bill's magic—and of the flames that—

No. Bill forced his eyes open, even as he trembled pathetically.

"Feeling better?" Mother asked Bill as he took steady calming breaths and even managed to not flinch so hard as another burst of light erupted and filled the air with the scent of gunpowder.

"I think I—" another firework sounded, louder than the rest with the glowing numbers "2003" framed in the sky.

"No!" He squeaked, burying his face in Mother's chest and shivering.

"Aw, it's okay baby," she cooed as she ran her hands through his hair. It worked a bit in keeping the memories of Stanley and flames out of his head.

"C'mon, Matthew," Emmett said. "You're missing—"

"Be more insensitive, will you?" Mother snapped.

And just like that the security disappeared just as suddenly as the crowd yelling "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" And welcoming the beginning of a new cycle of twelve months.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Bill had took the initiative of his embarrassing behaviour during New Years and decided to abolish his fear of fire.

"Bill," Axolotl said worriedly from his tank within Bill's room. "These sort of things mustn't be rushed—"

"I'm not a pathetic weakling anymore," Bill said confidently, before purposely calling forth fire and letting out a strangled gasp of terror.

"Bill..."

Bill huffed. Alright, no blue fire yet.

Instead, for his seventh birthday, he told Mother to throw out the lightbulb candles he always used in replacement of real candles.

"Sweetie...are you sure?" Mother had asked with a frown.

"Yes," Bill said confidently.

He would miss bashing lightbulbs, but he still had a cake to destroy he supposed. And it was completely worth it to see the surprise on Emmett's face. It was even more worth it to see the flames challenging him as his family sang happy birthday. Glaring and spitting and hissing "Oh, you think you can defeat me?"

And allowing himself to slam his fists against the table and blow with all he had.

"EEK! Your first candle blowing! Ohmygosh I'm so proud of you!" Mother cried as she placed the camera down and happily kissed Bill on the forehead.

Bill laughed happily, a bit of fear flying away into the atmosphere like the thin tendrils of smoke floating into the air from the now unlit candle stubs.

That was had been his last happy birthday.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Because they forgot the next year.

No, eight was hardly a milestone in age and no, he hadn't expected his parents to stop arguing and actually celebrate, but he had at least hoped for some _acknowledgement._

But Bill's birthday gift was hearing his parents fight in the living room, going to the institution of child brainwashing known as school, and not having any dinner that night because in their anger, Mother and Emmett forgot all about their children.

Bill was playing with the new action figures he had gotten on he and his mother's outing only a lifetime ago as the rain poured outside in a relentless pitter-patter.

He kept glancing at Axolotl tank, waiting for the god to reappear but to no avail.

With a deep sigh, Bill half-heartedly tossed away his He-Man figurine and lay back in his bed. Without the sufficient magic or Axolotl here, he could hear every scream, every yell every cruel word and could do nothing about it.

And every single one served to fuel his burning hatred for Damien. Oh, what he wouldn't do to ring that dimpled grin meddler's neck—

A timid knock echoed across the room. Bill fought the urge to yell, "go away!" But he held his tongue before biting out a stiff, "Not now."

"Oh," Pine Tree said from the other side sadly and Shooting Star added. "But we got something for you!"

"Leave it at the door," Bill grumbled. He then heard the sound of retreating footsteps.

A few seconds passed before Bill's curiosity got the better of him and he opened his bedroom door. On the ground, was a teddy bear with a bow wrapped around his neck. A tag was taped to the front of the object saying, "Happy Birthday Matthew!"

Bill smiled softly despite the angry screaming from below.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Bill felt only mildly guilty that the turmoil in the Pines household stopped Christmas Parties from happening.

Emmett was always out with whatever buddies he had but never brought over (thank Cipher) and Mother was never around most of the time.

Most times, it was just Bill, and the twins. And he supposed there was a fortunate part in that too, because Mabel Juice was the single most fantastic thing ever conceived and they could make as much as they wanted without Mother tiredly demanding they not take after their father and make concoctions of horror that would ruin multiple utensils.

The now aged nine Bill dipped his finger in the juice and licked his finger. "It needs more sugar," he announced to Shooting Star.

The five-year-old brunette snatched a container of sprinkles and dumped the whole container into the mixture.

"That works," Bill commented simply. "Let's save a cup for Alexander."

"Ooh! Yes!" Shooting Star agreed happily. "He'll love it! I'm pretty sure Mabel Juice is good for lizards."

Bill rolled his eyes as he poured himself a cup. One of the plastic dinosaurs fell in with a plop and splashed the counter with glittery pink liquids. "Where did you get that information from?"

"My _mind_ ," Shooting Star said passionately as she grinned and tapped her skull. Bill snorted. "Sure, Shooting Star. That's a reliable source."

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

It was when Bill turned ten that Emmett and Mother finally divorced.

Bill had watched, standing in the lawn of the house as Pricilla Eleanore Pines packed her bags into a taxi. He could remember the grey of the sky and the way it spat raindrops onto the miserable family. He could remember a six-year-old Shooting Star wailing and Pine Tree wiping away tears. He could remember Emmett fighting back tears of his own with his jaw clenched and his throat bobbing with saliva.

Bill remembered feeling...empty. A technique he had learned after years to just quell the pain.

The trunk had slammed shut and Mother turned around with a soft smile. "Well," she whispered. "This is it."

Mabel began to fully sob and ran into Mother's arms followed by Pine Tree.

"Y-you and Daddy are supposed to be soulmates!" She cried. "How come you're leaving?!"

"Oh, baby," Mother sighed and let go of her before placing a kiss on her forehead. She did the same to a sniffling Pine Tree before crouching in front of Bill.

"So, Mattie Bear. Will you be good?"

Bill hooked his pinky with his mother's bag forced a dazzling grin.

"I promise."

And Bill had wanted to keep that promise, very much so. Because now not only had he promised Axolotl but now Mother too that he would.

Needless to say, no matter how much he wanted to, Bill was better with deals than promises.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

"Matthew?"

Bill could hear her voice, sweet and gentle with a little bit of omnipresent amusement. "Matthew? Wake up sleepy head!"

Bill groaned, his face was cold against the pillow. Why was it cold? And his bed was hard and there were other voices—

"MAAAATIEE!"

Bill screamed and shot up quickly, accidentally dislodging the earbud that had been dangling from his ear. It was then that he took in his surroundings, the crappy brown seats and dirty floor. The never ending back drop of trees decorating the outdoors...

"Finally! You're awake! Seriously, Matthew you sleep harder than Dipper! And that's saying something!" Shooting Star chirped as Bill irritably smacked her small hands away from the front of his jean jacket.

"Mabel, what did I tell you about screaming in my ear?" Bill snapped.

"Who cares? We're almost here, look!" Shooting Star pointed out the window to the water tower painted Gravity Falls.

"Ugh," Bill grumbled as he leaned back on the window. "You woke me up to tell me we were *almost* here? You're a lot of things Shooting Star and you remind me again and again everyday that idiocy is one of them!"

"But Matthew, this is both of our chances to find our soulmates! We gotta freshen up before we make our grand debut!"

Shooting Star cried as she dug through her over flowing bag and chucked a hairbrush at Bill's head.

"Ow!" Bill snapped as the object slapped his cheek. With a growl, he grabbed it by the handle and set the wooden piece of junk on fire.

"No!" Mabel gasped in horror.

"Leave me alone," Bill snarled.

Shooting Star crossed her arms and turned away with a scowl as Bill rolled his eyes and went back to staring out the window since he was certain he wasn't going back to sleep now.

Very soon though the bus began to slow and a familiar beaten up car came into view.

"OOOH! It's Great Uncle Stanford!" Shooting Star exclaimed. She stood up in her seat to peer over to the place behind her. "Dipper! We're here!"

"Oh boy..." Pine Tree murmured pathetically as he began packing the book he had been reading. "I hope he's nothing like Uncle Damien."

That name boiled Bill's blood as the bus finally slowed to a stop and the doors opened.

"Last stop Gravity Falls," the conductor called as Bill heaved his backpack over his shoulders and walked down the steps. Not even bothering to see if the twins were following.

As soon as Bill's sneakers hit the dirt, Stanley Pines exited his poor excuse for a car and gave him a smile.

"Hey there, Matthew!" He said with a grin.

Slowly, Bill's face twisted into a grin of his own as he took in those brown eyes and silver hair. The stupid fez atop his head and that plastic grin.

"Good to see you again, Stanley!"

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

 **AN:** **Short, I know. But I wanted to give you something before the year's end!  
**

 **So here's my plans for this arc:**

 **Damien will be more prominent,** **Mabel will be getting a proper character arc,** **Bill will get a proper romance arc, and** t **he episode AUs will NOT be word for word what happened from the show!**

 **Anyway, see you next time for the AU version of Tourist Trapped!**

 **Oh and the ending soundtrack for this chapter is: "Gravity" by Cherry Beach!**

 **Happy New Years and Fantasy Fan OUT!**


	13. Chapter 13: Intuition

**AN: This chapter was such a blast to right tbh :D I hope you love it as much as I adored writing it!**

 **Thank you so much for all the love I've been shown! Before we start, imma answer some reviews!**

 **Angelwings2002: Thank you, and same to you! I'm sure you'll love this chapter :3**

 **New Prussian Order: Yup, time flies eh?**

 **Purest of the Hearts: You'll have to see soon if Ellie remarried or not :D and not to worry, Damien will eventually be thoroughly wrenched!**

 **LadyWeaver: I'm very sorry about your divorce :( I've never been through one but I can only imagine how horrible it must feel. Don't worry, I will be delving into how the siblings cope with the divorce in this chapter and future ones!**

 **Anon: Aw, glad you think so!**

 **iHateFridays: Thank you!**

 **Lord Demolitions: Never fear, I will be creating Dipcifica! I'm morally obligated to, you see lol. Those are some nice songs! I'll be sure to listen to them!**

 **Cxmplicated: Welcome to the fandom! And I'll totally answer your questions! Yes, Bill is 16, the name Matthew can't because I not only love the name but it kept up the "M" legacy, and I didn't plan Will Cipher to make an appearance, buuut hey! That could change!**

 **Straitjacketed: I'm glad you enjoyed! Yes, Stan shall take good care of the kiddies! Mostly. And absolutely, Damien's got tricks up his sleeve!**

 **sockface: Yes, the disillusionment charm stopped any human from noticing the ordeal so no, cameras didn't catch it!**

 **Okay, without further ado, chapter thirteen!**

 **Chapter Thirteen: Intuition**

An eternity ago, Dipper felt that Matthew could have been a proper big brother. Protective, understanding, omnipresent...all the traits you'd find in a father but also in a best friend.

But then Mom left and now he felt that was impossible.

Mom caused a lot of things, Dipper realized. Even when she was gone and hadn't called to check-in in two years. Mom left, causing Matthew to become a nightmarish mixture of distant and antagonistic and by extension, ruining any chance of forming a bond with him.

Mom decided to bunk with Dipper's uncle, Damien, causing him to meet the fakest and most abhorrent human being he had the pleasure of knowing that _one_ time Dad had let them visit and Mom agreed.

Heck, it was fair to say it was Mom's doing that Dipper and his siblings were on their way to this stupid nowhere hick town in the first place! Because Mom leaving forced Dad to replace her with alcohol—he was just as non-existent in their lives as Mom was. And it was that reason he had sent them away and sure, he _said_ it was because they needed some fresh air but Dipper knew the truth.

Now, Dipper watched the back of his brother's head from the back seat of Stan's old car with a pensive frown. He was staring blankly out the window—something Matthew did a lot when he wasn't tying Dipper to the sofa with a jumping rope and forcing him to watch Nightmare on Elm Street or setting all Mabel's magazines on fire with Dad's alcohol supply. Look at something and...stare.

Just once, Dipper wanted to know what was on his mind.

"So!" Stan said with an awkward clearing of his throat. "You kids...uh, what do you like to do?"

"Lots of stuff!" Mabel said enthusiastically. "Arts and crafts, golfing, scrapbooking, oh! Hair topiary! And I also like watching TV buuuut come on, who doesn't?"

"How about you uh..." Stan looked away from the road to squint at something on his palm. "...Dipper! What do you like?"

Dipper shrugged lamely. "Reading, mostly," he responded simply. And playing D, D, and more D, And chick flicks, and solving math equations just for fun.

But he didn't need to know that.

"That just leaves you!" Stan said, turning to Matthew who was giving the older man a side ways glance. "What do you like to do?"

A slow grin spread across Matthew's face and Dipper flinched. He hated that grin; it was never sincere and almost always meant that he was about to do something _pretty_ bad and wanted you to know it.

It seemed to creep Stan out too, if the audible swallow and averting of his gaze was any indication.

"You wouldn't want to know, Stanley," Matthew chuckled as he popped his earbuds in and leaned back in his car seat with closed eyes. "Trust me."

"...okay. Yeah. Sure. Let's—yeah okay."

There was silence for a few seconds before Stan turned to look at the twins with a quirked eyebrow. "He always like this?"

Dipper sighed. "Yeah, unfortunately," he said at the same time Mabel said, "Trust me, Grunkle Stan, don't take it personal."

"Grunkle?" Stan repeated in confusion.

"Oh! I made that word up!" Mabel said proudly. "It's a mixture of 'great' and 'uncle', aren't I smart?"

Stan didn't answer, because a beat down and crumbling shack came into view a second later and he beamed proudly.

"There it is, kids! My pride and joy, The Mystery Shack!" As the car parked in the dirt drive way, the "S" in "Shack" fell to the ground with a heavy _thud._

This would be where they'd be living for the entire summer.

Dipper wanted to curl up and die.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Mabel wanted to jump up and down and squeal at the charming Fairytale like structure before her. She would've done just that if she wasn't carrying her heavy luggage.

If this wasn't proof she and Matthew were destined for a beautiful romance, than this was certainly it!

Mabel turned to look back at said brother, and her grin faded slightly when he saw his face was a similar look of annoyance as Dipper's.

Well...not _fully_ similar. Dipper looked annoyed but Matthew looked...angry.

Seconds later, the family pet axolotl, Alexander climbed out of Matthew's shirt to stand on his shoulder and stared up at him with rapidly blinking beady eyes.

Matthew glanced down at the creature before the anger and eyes became replaced with that dead eyed corpse-y look he wore when he wasn't grinning like a madder creepier Mabel.

"Isn't this amazing, brothers?" Mabel cried enthusiastically as she and they followed Grunkle Stan into the house.

"It looks like a dump," Dipper said in under his breath. "I am extremely apprehensive of sleeping in that place."

"But, Dip! It looks old, and old places have lots of mysteries in them don't they?" Mabel asked as she playfully nudged her twin in the side.

Dipper paused and scrutinized the house and made a "huh" sound. While he didn't seem fully convinced, the annoyance in his eyes faded slightly.

Mabel grinned. Mission at least partially accomplished. She then focused her efforts on her older brother.

"A cabin in the woods! This is like...a staple in horror movies isn't it? Imagine all the creepy things you can dream up!"

Matthew glanced down at her then back in front of him.

Mabel tried again. "And think about—!"

Matthew sped up his walk and Mabel saw him glance at Alexander before scoffing and murmuring "Yeah, yeah."

Sometimes, Mabel felt those two had a psychic bond or something. Alexander liked being with Matthew more than anyone else and after Mom left, Matthew liked being with Alexander more than anyone else as well.

Even more than Mabel.

Every time she thought of the days the two would make Mabel Juice or sneakily watch movies not for their age, she felt sad—and just twinge jealous towards the green little axolotl.

Actually, anytime she thought of _anything_ before Mom left she felt sad.

"Alright!" Stan said loudly as he kicked the door open and gestured for the siblings to enter.

"Welcome to the Mystery Shack! A fantastic and magical place where we put the 'fun' in 'no refunds!'"

Mabel looked around the dimly lit hallway with wide eyes. There were several (clearly fake) attractions such as wax figurines missing arms, or plastic eyeballs and hearts floating in jars.

Still, there was a charm to the place Mabel enjoyed. She turned to Dipper to gauge his reaction and he looked unimpressed. She then turned to Matthew whose jaw was tightly clenched and eyes narrowed.

Yeesh. Why were her brothers so hard to please?

The quartet finally made their way into a more brightly lit portion of the Shack. It looked a lot like a gift shop—with very overpriced items—and two people were already there. A pretty red-head nonchalantly chewing gum with her muddy boots crossed atop the desk and a large man in a green question mark shirt fixing a lightbulb.

"Wendy, Soos. Meet my nephews and my niece. Nephews and niece, meet my my employees," Stan said, gesturing to the two groups.

"Hi! I'm Mabel!" Mabel said as the large man stepped down to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you, dude!" The man Mabel guessed was Soos said. "Mr. Pines was so excited to—"

Soos paused, glancing up to see a scowling Stan before he quickly said. "To...tour again! He closed the shop today just for—!"

"Soos!"

"Alright. I'm gonna stop talking now," Soos said as he backed up and let Mabel's hand go.

"Uh, hi. I'm Dipper," Dipper said as he shook Soos's hand.

"That's a cool name, little dude!"

"It's a nickname actually," Dipper said as he jabbed a thumb towards Matthew. "I'm going to assume he's not going to shake your hand—"

"You assume right," Matthew answered.

"So that's Matthew, our older brother."

Matthew narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, pushing Dipper out of the way. "I said I wouldn't shake hands, Loser, I said nothing about not introducing myself!"

Dipper rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry! How about you elaborate next time?"

Matthew cackled with a wide grin, bent over, and jabbed Dipper on the forehead with his finger. "No, _I'm_ sorry! I forget you flesh sacks lack the mental capacity for common sense!"

Alexander pressed a palm against Matthew's neck and he glared angrily at the lizard before standing straight again.

He cleared his throat and turned to Soos with a newly made grin. "Long time no see! How's life still missing Daddy-o?"

Soos stepped back and crashed into the ladder he had been using with wide eyes while Bill turned his large grin to the red head teen behind the counter. Both her feet were down now and she was staring at Matthew with indignant shock.

Mabel sighed. She supposed she'd have to cross her off Matthew's Potential Lovers List

"And...Red!" Matthew chirped. Alexander was clawing at Matthew's shirt now but he was ignoring him. "I would try and offend you but you're just too insignificant."

Matthew then picked up his bags and waltzed up the stairs. "Call me for dinner!"

"Uh...how'd you know your room is up there?" Stan asked in confusion.

"Intuition," Matthew responded simply as he disappeared upstairs.

"Yeesh," Wendy frowned. "What's that jerk's deal?"

"That dude gives me the creeps," Soos shuddered. "I mean, no offence! I get he's your brother in all that junk but—"

"Trust me, he gives _everyone_ the creeps," Dipper grumbled with crossed arms.

"But look on the bright side! At least he didn't insult Wendy! I mean not _fully!_ Huh, huh?"

Everyone stared at her.

"I count this as progress!" Mabel said after the silence, pulling a chart labelled The Five Stages of Matthew from within her sweater and gleefully sliding the slider to "Not the Worst".

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

The attic looked just as Bill remembered; creaky moldy wood, the triangle mosaic window he quickly looked away from, and the triangular beamed ceiling. The only difference was that instead of two beds, there was a third wedged between them.

"Bill," Axolotl said sharply and the demon rolled his eyes. "Axolotl, really, _get a life."_

"You promised me you would attempt to be nice! You weren't even half-way decent!"

The twins and Stan entered the attic with their things as Axolotl continued to rant to him about how he couldn't just go around alluding to his past life with this universe's Bill Cipher watching this town on an almost daily basis.

Axolotl had started using disillusionment charms to disguise their conversations, that way the lizard could scold him 'till next century and nobody would know.

As a six-year-old, it was a good idea. To a sixteen-year-old like himself however, it was like having an omnipresent Father on his shoulder, and he already had one obnoxious moron at home to deal with.

"Bill! Are you listening to me?"

Bill flopped down into the left bed with a pleased sigh. "No."

"It's been six years Bill," Axolotl said warily as he crawled atop Bill's chest. "Stop using your mother's absence as an excuse to be rude and—"

Bill turned abruptly and screamed in horror as he saw a goat munching on his jean leg. He tugged the denim out of the offending creatures mouth and told Pine Tree, "Hey, Loser! This bed is yours!"

"Ew! The sheets are probably full of goat hair and droppings," Pine Tree shuddered as he unpacked his clothes in a creaky half-broken drawer.

"Which is exactly why—get off me!" Bill shoved the goat away as it tried to climb atop him before continuing. " _You_ are getting this bed."

Pine Tree crossed his arms and glared defiantly. "No."

Bill glared directly back at Pine Tree and slowly sat up while simultaneously punching the goat in the face as it tried to gnaw at his jean jacket and ignoring Axolotl's pleas.

"BROTHERS!" Shooting Star exclaimed, jumping between the two and blocking one's vision of the other. "How about instead of getting into one of your dumb boy arguments you can feast your eyes on _this!"_

Shooting Star unfurled a long white poster with a flourish. On it was a simple doodle of Pine Tree, her, and Bill holding hands and silently laughing beside large words titled: 40 Things to do that will Make us Love Each Other! In pink glittery pen and decorated with paper flowers.

"We'll be able to do all sorts of things together! Like vampire hunting and scrapbooking and—hello friend!" Shooting Star said as the goat began to chew on her sleeve. "Yes you _can_ keep chewing on my sweater! Anyway, what do you guys say?"

Bill rolled his eyes and fell back in the bed, suddenly not caring of all the potential ways this goat could have contaminated his bed.

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Axolotl said with a nod. "I think you should do it, Bill."

"Well, there's probably nothing else to do in this dumb town. Sure, I'm in," Pine Tree said.

Shooting Star squealed in glee and turned her excited eyes to Bill.

"No" was at the tip of Bill's tongue when Axolotl said. "Perhaps if you try bonding with your siblings, I'll give you a little gift."

Bill rolled over and scowled at the Axolotl. "What does bonding with those brats have to do with redemption?" He hissed.

"Tolerance?"

Bill sighed before he turned to Shooting Star and shrugged. "Sure."

"AHHH YES! Best summer EVER!" She shrieked, scaring off the goat and spurring Bill and Pine Tree to cover their ears.

"Who pulled the fire alarm?!" Stan barked from downstairs.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

The next day as Bill begrudgingly sat at the cash register, things took a turn for the familiar.

He had his earbuds in his ears, calmly listening to a classical music playlist he didn't dare show anyone because apparently in this human society it was uncool. And Bill was not uncool.

Red, still thinking Bill to be a massive jerk didn't so much as spare him a glance nor start a conversation with him, while business for Stanley's tourist trap was going slow, and Axolotl was off doing goody-two shoes Bill was in a rather good mood.

Or as good of a mood he felt like being in nowadays.

That was when Shooting Star popped her head from between a row of Stanley dummies and clapped her cheeks. "He's looking at it! He's looking at it!"

Bill inhaled sharply and sat up from his lounging position so fast that his head hit against the bottom of a shelf, causing the jars to clatter and shake.

Red snorted, eyes still glued to her magazine as Bill glared at her. Turning back to the scene of the boy looking around in tangible confusion while Shooting Star gushed, "I rigged it!" While he flicked his wrist and conjured an illusionary tarantula to crawl up Wendy's arm.

Axolotl scolding him for using magic unnecessarily entered his mind, but the sight of Red shrieking and falling back in her chair was too delightful to not enjoy—inexplicable guilt aside.

"Mabel," Pine Tree sighed, spraying the jar in front of him and wiping it off. "I know you're going through your boy crazy phase but—"

"But you can't flirt properly," Bill cut off cooly.

Shooting Star blew him a raspberry. "What, and you can?"

"Oh please!" Bill laughed. "'Charming' is my middle name, kiddo!"

"Oh yeah?" Pine Tree said challengingly as he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Prove it."

Bill snorted before turning to furiously blushing Red. She cursed under her breath as she righted herself in her chair and Bill said, "Hey there, toots!"

Red rose her eyebrows at him and went back to her magazine. "Hey there, jerk."

"Now look, I know we got off to a bad start but how about I make it up to you? Movie date?"

"Ooooooh," Red said, lowering the magazine and smirking. "You're one of _those_ guys."

Bill's grin froze on his face. "Pardon?"

"Oh you know, the guys that go around acting like huge jerks thinking that they can get any girl they want because Hollywood lied to them and said that's how it works." Red leaned back in her chair and propped her legs up once more. "Trust me man, you couldn't get a stereotypical dumb shallow blonde to date you."

Bill fought to keep his grin in place even as the twins burst out laughing at his expense.

"I-you-that—!" Bill got up, walked to the opposite side of the counter, and slammed his palms against it right in front of Red.

The infuriating girl nonchalantly flipped a page in her magazine.

"Is that a challenge, Red?!" Bill demanded.

Red shrugged. "It was a diss. But sure, take it as a challenge if you want."

"Fine! I bet an eligible bachelorette will come walking in _any second now_ and I will woo her to death!" Bill yelled, pointing to the archway showing the tour's exit.

Everyone turned to look at it expectantly, only for Stan to walk out burping and clutching his chest. "Ugh...oh," _burp_ "Not good."

Bill let out an almighty scream of frustration before angrily pointing at a confused Stan. "I _hate you!_ "

He left his pride in the gift shop as mocking laughter followed his storming form.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Bill was busy curled in the covers and sulking when Pine Tree ran in and shook him vigorously.

"Matthew? Matthew, Matthew, _Matthew!"_

Bill slapped his hand away and glared at the obnoxious pest that was supposed to be his brother. "What?" He barked.

"There's something wrong with Mabel's new boyfriend!"

Oh. _This._

Bill sighed and got up, comforters fall from his body. "Leaf blower," he said.

"What?" Pine Tree demanded. "No, Matthew I didn't say anything about a leaf blower, I said, _boyfriend_ and I'm super worried! I-I-I LOOK!"

Pine Tree shoved an all too familiar journal in Bill's face and he had to crane his neck back to look at the page properly.

"This description of zombies perfectly describes Norman—Mabel's boyfriend, I'm talking about, you weren't there—"

"Yeah, yeah I get it," Bill grumbled irritably as he pushed the journal away. "Leaf blower."

"Ugh! Can you stop saying 'leaf blower' and—I don't know, use your magic to deal with him?"

"Loser, I have two abilities," Bill said, leaning forward and propping his head up with an elbow on his lap. "Making people see things that aren't there, and setting things on _fire_." Bill punctuated that statement by encasing his hand in blue flames.

Pine Tree yelped and jumped back.

"And as much as I'd like to kill those pesky gnomes, I have a severe 'no killing' policy from the man upstairs thanks to that incident a year ago—" Pine Tree shivered at the memory. "—and temporary schizophrenia isn't going to cut it. But you know what will? A leaf blower!"

"Wait, wait, _gnomes?"_ Pine Tree repeated, flipping through the pages until he found it. "Huh, I was way off. But the journal doesn't mention leaf blowers being their weakness."

"Psh. Who are you going to believe? A filthy book or your magically attuned big brother?"

Pine Tree thought for a moment as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "Well...when you put it that way..."

"Trust me, leaf blower," Bill said as he lay back down. "Now shoo."

Pine Tree took in a deep breath and said, "Okay. I hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right!" Bill called after him as he ran out of the room.

"Wow, dude," Soos said from atop his step ladder fixing yet another light bulb. "Magically attuned? That is _pretty_ dope, not gonna lie."

Bill squinted at him. "When did you even get here?"

"Well, here's a secret; I'm magically attuned too and teleported in!"

Bill rose an eyebrow.

"...okay that was totally a lie."

Seconds later, Bill heard the sound of a leaf blower going off and Shooting Star yelling questioningly ("Dipper what the hey-hey? It was a daisy necklace not an engagement ring or something!").

Bill sighed and closed his eyes. Well, now he could finally go back to—

"NORMAN?!"

"NOT GNOMES! NOT GNOMES!"

Bill's eyes snapped open and he ran to the triangular window, practically slamming himself against it as he saw the twins running into the woods screwing while a lumbering moaning creature ate the leaf blower and followed after them.

"WHAT?!" Bill screeched. This wasn't right! This wasn't supposed to happen!

"Dude, is that...a zombie?" Soos asked in awe, peering out the window beside Bill.

Quickly gaining his bearings, Bill grabbed Soos by the shirt and pulled him so they were nose to nose. "I need a CD of any trio band Stanley's got!"

Soos made a serious face and saluted.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

Dipper was practically dragging Mabel through the woods, jumping over tree roots and and slapping away branches.

"A zombie!" Mabel panted. "I can't believe he was a zombie!"

"Maaaaaabellll," Norman moaned.

Dipper risked a look back and gasped at how fast the the dumb thing was moving. What kind of zombie moved that fast?!

Why it had a limp and couldn't stand completely straight, he was effectively and efficiently closing the space between them.

It wasn't gnomes, and the leaf blower did *nothing*.

Stupid Matthew.

Through the sound of pounding footsteps, gasping, and zombie moans, a loud car horn beeped loudly.

Dipper, Mabel, and Norman turned in time to see Stan's car barreling through the trees. Norman could only manage a surprised, "whaaaaa?" Before getting crashed into.

His corpse body flew through the air and landed with a loud crunch before the car stopped and Matthew poked his head out of the window from the drivers seat. "Get in, losers!"

The twins were quick to obey, clamouring into the backseats as Norman got up and ran to the car's front window.

Matthew put the car in reverse and drove backwards swiftly. "Soos, why isn't the CD in already!?" He demanded to the handyman who was in the front passenger seat.

"Dude, I'm sorry! There's a CD already in there and it's jammed!"

"Try harder!" Matthew braked and spun the car to a U-turn before pressing the gas again.

That's when they heard a thud against the roof.

"He's on the roof!" Mabel cried in a panic, she was gripping Dipper's shirt tightly and her eyes were darting this way and that.

"Don't worry, he can't tear through metal—" Norman slammed his face against the glass and smashed it with his fists, reaching for Matthew's face.

Dipper and Mabel screamed and hugged each other tightly while Bill pulled the seat lever and leaned back out of his reach. "Soos, hurry up!"

"And...got it! It's out!" Soos cried happily as he switched CDs. Matthew gripped Norman's hand and set both him and his dark hoody on fire.

As the zombie pulled his arm out and screamed in pain and rage, Bill put the volume to the max and hit play.

"Alright, buddy," Matthew grinned genuinely for the first time in maybe ever but the fact that it was at the expense of someone else made Dipper find it scary still. "Get ready too—!"

"Dude, look out!" Soos pointed to a massive oncoming tree that had been blocked by Norman until now.

Matthew gasped and hit the breaks but it was too late. The car twisted sideways and crashed.

 **...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...**

 **AN: Hope you enjoyed the cliffhanger! :D**

 **I'm trying to do weekly updates again so the fates of the Pines shall be revealed next week Friday!**

 **Have a lovely day!**

 **Fantasy Fan OUT!**


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